Laid back, easy going people - tell me your secret

People tell me I’m extremely calm and laid back. My husband might disagree sometimes.

My mum was extremely feisty and quick to anger. There was a horrible atmosphere in our house much of the time as a result. My dad was always calm and measured. I take after him. My husband is a very laid back type too. We never shouted at our children when they were young as I know first hand how awful that is to experience.

I’m a really lazy person, that might be connected 😂

Depends what you mean by 'highly strung' I guess.
By nature I'm a quite intense person - but on the outside, I'm easy going compared to many. I can't assimilate with people who find problems in literally everything, or who project all of that onto those around them. It would take me a lot to complain about something for example. Like others have said, I choose my 'f@cks' to give wisely, I'm a rational thinker and focus on the things that truly matter.

Sertraline and having been so unwell at times I had to say good bye to my family etc - don’t sweat the small stuff !

I’m very intense with a tendency towards anxiety. But after a bereavement I became quite depressed for a while and it was actually a lovely change from being highly strung. I’d be on an airplane thinking it would probably crash but ah well, probably for the best.

I’ve been trying to hang on to the sangfroid as the black clouds lifted.

i had an emotionally neglectful childhood and a toxic home life back then. Lots of shouting, stomping and slamming.

I have been a worrier and tense all my life. I'd do anything to take the edge off.

My memory isn't that good but it leads me to worry I'm misremembering stuff and I ruminate on a lot "what if I did a bad thing but don't remember?" Sort of thing

I use magnesium citrate for sleep!

I am keen to read books that are quite positive and takes the emotion out of life. I find it comforting to think we're just tiny specks in space. And that's life is incredibly short

Anyway, I found exercise helps the most!! I'm hoping my 40s will bring me peace

Buddhism. Genuinely. I'm not a Buddhist but I've learnt a fair bit about it over the years and it's wonderful. Start by going to YouTube and watching some videos by 'Buddha Motivation'. The videos are really short and are all about how to cope with everyday worries and stresses.

I must admit that I'm naturally laid back and fairly positive too. And I've had some terrible things happen to me, but have managed to maintain it.

I am generally laid back. I tell myself often that daily incidences are not the end of the world and it is very important for me not to judge.

Also and this is fundamental, I only have one life and no matter what, I am going to live it in the most peaceful way I can.

And I don’t do any SM other than MN.

"No man can add an hour to his life by worrying" (or, in a less smooth translation 'no man can add 18 inches to his height by worrying')

You can’t control what happens in life, but you can control how you react to it.

In any situation, staying calm and level headed is going to work out better for you.

I had some therapy following a big rift in my family. It was excellent in making me see what was my responsibility (or not!) and also that it’s my choice how I react to something. I could choose to get really wound up or could choose to let it go, what I have is no choice over is what other people do, just how I react to it.

It’s incredibly liberating. I used to be the family fixer, I feel so much better letting other people fuck up and deal with it. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

If it’s not under your direct control let it go.

i loved a phrase I saw in a film, a character in a very stressful situation is asked why he isn’t worrying? And just asks deadpan ‘will that help?’.

i also use the tip mentioned above, particularly at work. What’s the absolute worst thing that can happen ….realise it’s unlikely and also that it would be manageable. And work backwards.

I think I was born this way to some extent and have family members who are laid back, so model behaviour on what I’ve picked up in childhood.
Events that have happened in my life have given me perspective too, like when I returned from work after maternity leave I very much had a “nothing that happens in this work environment is the end of the world “ attitude.
Also lost loved ones young which makes you realise you should just not waste time stressing about stuff

I'm a chronic overthinker, and I don't want to be .

Now when I thought pops into my head I consciously say ' this doesn't have to be my burden ' or ' this isn't a thought for now' .

It has helped a bit .

@whiteboard can I ask if your capacity for compartmentalising your emotions derived naturally or would you say you've worked on achieving it? If the second, how did you do that ? Cheers

I don’t think you can change a personality trait like this. Just own it! I am highly strung which does have some drawbacks sure, but it also has a lot of positives. I am highly motivated to fix things, prevent things, I am well organised, well prepared. I am ambitious. I ferociously care for those around me.

I’m proud of who I am, you should be too.

I have worked on this a lot and would say I'm calm and laid back the majority of the time, it's certainly been commented on by friends but I haven't always been this way.

My mum is a highly anxious, stressed worrier. A lot of her anxiety and worrying rubbed off onto me throughout my upbringing and I don't want to do that to my own DDs. In my case, it was the realisation that all of mum's worrying and catastrophising hasn't bettered her life in any way, it hasn't improved outcomes, all it has meant is that she's not a pleasant person to spend time with. That was quite a hard pill for me to swallow but it's true. She's negative and her negativity rubs off onto people around her. I have a friend that is the same, anxious and always catastrophising and going down "what if" rabbit holes and she's exhausting to spend time with. It must be exhausting living in her head and it doesn't seem to improve her life at all.

I don't want that for myself so I try really hard to create some distance in my own head. With work for example if I find myself stressing I will step back and remind myself that it's not that deep, it won't matter this time next year, I work in an office job..... it's not a life or death situation.

I don't watch the news. I will listen to the headlines on the radio so I know what's going on but that's it.

I have stepped back from negative people and spend more time with people that make me happy. I also really curate my social media so I do have Instagram but all of the accounts I follow are about slow living, homesteading, gardening, cooking etc and it's therefore a pleasant place to be rather than stressful.

I try to limit stress as much as is in my control and live as simply as possible. We don't have pets for example, because they'd be just one more thing to have to deal with. I limit how many clubs DDs do so I'm not constantly ferrying them round to different activities. We get outside for walks and like gardening and growing our own food. I do yoga or go on a walk for exercise as I find both a mindful activity. I try to eat a whole food diet as much as possible and limit the ultra processed junk.

I believe that in many circumstances, happiness is a choice and I choose to be happy. We have had hard times, been through bereavement and redundancy etc but those things are part of life and we've survived them and found happiness again so we'll survive the next bad thing that comes our way.

I was an anxious child who decided to stop and rationalise. Aside from death and serious illness the rest is pretty irrelevant. I wake each day happy to taste fresh bread, to see the trees and to know I have enormous privilege being born here and now. I don’t care what people think of me and I am quite outspoken so people treat me well. I have experienced some very challenging events but don’t expect life to be without the same bumps.

getting older and through the menopause helps, I’m convinced that once oestrogen starts falling you start giving less of a fuck in many ways.

also, frankly, work wise, getting to a stage where if I or DH lost our jobs, the mortgage is paid, we have savings and have options. There were times in our later 30s and 40s where that wasn’t the case.

and we’ve both been through a lot of crap, ill health, bereavement, and have got through it ok in the end.

I'm nearly 50 and one of life's worriers and highly strung.
The last 2 years I've noticed a palpable change.

I've learnt that everything gets a resolution in the end, so what's the point of me investing my energy and getting worked up. It may be uncomfortable dealing with stuff at the time but 'this too shall pass'. I dont try and control what I cant. I had a recent work situation that historically would have really triggered me..this time, nope. Not my circus not my monkeys.

Otherwise, I've felt better able to just deal with life now I'm leading a healthier life. Healthy body, healthy mind and all that.

I also agree with @RhaenysRocks . Read Mark Mansons book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” or read the Stoics.

I had a pretty awful abusive childhood which predictably spilled over into decisions I made as an adult. I used to be a professional standard worrier but I realised it was useless and making me ill.

Now I try to work hard and make decisions I can be proud of. I step back from issues I have no control over and focus on my own behaviour. I rarely drink alcohol which also helps.

I read a lot. Literature, philosophy, history.

There's nothing new under the sun.

This. I could have written this word for word. Also realising what other people think of you doesn’t matter brings a freedom of worrying about less

No carbs

I’ve had a very difficult life starting from childhood and so other peoples massive problems are just minor inconveniences to me.

You learn to be more resilient when you’ve had real problems.

I also refuse to allow other people to get me worked up.
Why am I going to waste my energy on them.

I would say I’m quite protective when it comes to my MH and I’m not going to let something that I can’t control work me up.

HRT
owning a cat (or two) 😻