Laid back, easy going people - tell me your secret

I don’t care about a lot of things - literally couldn’t care less about things that aren’t my family or close friends. Why would I care what someone I don’t care about, thinks about me. I need to be aware of apathy though as I can drift into that

I think go easy on yourself OP. There may be many things in life that would roll off you and stress out other people. There are very rarely people who are laid back about everything. Some things don’t bother me at all when they would bother others, some things can really get to me whereas you may not bat an eyelid. Are you perhaps just passionate about things or a bit of a perfectionist? These can be good traits if you use them correctly. Don’t change who you are. There is only one of you.

Twice daily meditation, a good multivitamin and a more Buddhist outlook on life.

I think living with the right person helps too. My DH is really laid back and I find that rubs off on me.

I am lazy and simply cannot be arsed to get worked up about stuff that simply doesn’t matter.

Have you watched The Pitt? That was my working life for over 20 years so everything that bothers others is minuscule and not worth any consideration to me having witnessed what I witnessed for 12 hours a day and night over and over.

Honestly cannot be bothered to think about anything that’s not catastrophic I’m afraid.

Always been a calm cucumber truth be told, grew up with a shit load of abuse and DV so learned very early on to stay calm and controlled for self preservation.

Unfortunately I've found traumatic experiences have had the opposite effect. I am much more anxious as a result of these experiences. Understanding that anxiety is pointless is a world away from actually being able to stop being anxious, in fact it just adds another layer of self flagellation as I know I am destroying my life and yet can't stop.

However, what has helped me to be less anxious is cold water/wild swimming. I dunk myself into freezing water as often as possible and it has done more for me than years of therapy and medication.

Somehow, your post really resonated with me and gave me a little buzz of hope ☺️

@Weirdconditionaltense
I moved around a lot as a child, different schools etc. I had to develop a bit of a hard shell but at the same time have a fairly outgoing personality. I learned to adapt and fit in, in order to make friends and not rock the boat too much. Being laid back helps with this because I just didn’t have the energy to care too much, I was too busy in the moment thinking about me - how was I adapting, how did people perceive me.
Being an only child being forced to repeatedly make friends and being repeatedly uprooted I think lent itself to the selfish part. So I don’t think it was ever a conscious choice, rather a consequence of circumstances I couldn’t change.

This.

Counting your blessings and having gratitude is a central tenet of happiness. It’s not about God or woo or anything like that, but it’s a mindset where you appreciate all the good things in your life instead of hyperfocusing on the negatives.

I had long term depression and anxiety and then nearly died in childbirth. After that it felt like someone had pushed the hard reset button. I’ve been happy as a clam for the last 20 years - in spite of some fairly tough challenges. I am solvent, have love, a job I enjoy, a beach nearby, and the occasional glass of champagne. I have all I need and more. My cup is full. Everything else is just noise. Fill your cup.

I agree. I actually went through much of life with minimal trauma and was pretty level headed. Then it came like buses and along with Peri menopause, I have become a lot more neurotic and on edge. Whilst also being able to hit the ‘fuck it’ button in other times.

Those saying ‘lifes too short to worry about things you cant control’ etc. Trauma/illness put things in perspective etc. Yes that’s all very true. But worriers and neurotics usually know that deep down.
The key here is how to retrain/rewire the brain out of the habit of panicking, worrying and catastrophising.
A combination of CBT, therapy and addressing your triggers (social media, booze..) is where I would start.

Totally agree. I've been through a significant amount of trauma in my life, still a worrier. If anything it makes you more aware of the many things that can go wrong.

I do think some of it is down to upbringing and personality though. Another person in the same position as me might be much more chilled out.

Magnesium citrate, two capsules per day before bed. Mine is a generic brand from supermarket.

Edit to say that I take two capsules as says on the bottle. Other brands may need taking 1 capsule, just check the instructions😊

I've a very strong sense of logic and I think that helps.

I don't worry about stuff I can't change or control - it's pointless.

I don't care what other people thing - again it's pointless and they just have opinions like me, neither necessary right, just different perspectives.

Action is more powerful than thoughts. Overthinking gets me no where, action does.

I think if it's going enough for me and I'm doing the right thing then that's good enough. If I'm internally context, external judgment doesn't matter.

Born this way I think.
My adult life has by no means been trouble-free. Ages 25 to 35 were an absolute shit show from start to finish. But I think my fairly laid-back demeanor helped me deal with it.
I'd agree with what others have said about liking yourself, and liking the life you've built, helps a lot. Having hobbies/interests and a rich, internal life also helps. As well as being content and happy in your own company. I'm never, ever lonely, and very rarely bored.

I agree with this so much. I lost 3 of the most important people to me between ages 10 and 22, so learnt pretty early that I cam survive anything.
I have also been blessed by having some amazing women as family and friends who helped nurture my courage and confidence. Naturally they'll also tell me to pull myself together if needed, and I'm open to that. They helped me build a steady foundation.

This is same for me.

I think when you experience major trauma and life events the small stuff becomes water off a ducks back.

I remember a colleague of mine who’d lived a charmed life. Proper perfect not just instagram perfect. She had to have a hysterectomy. Her whole world collapsed and she gave up work. For the first 6 weeks she wouldn’t even lift a glass off the table next to her.

she’d just never had to process that level of emotion on 50 years. To her it was major.

I also think personality plays a part. I’ve always been laid back and passive. SOS my dad and my DS is too.

My mum and siblings OToH 🤔🤣

Id you’re after advice on the mindset. For me if something happens I always think to myself about how much wise not could have been and actually find a solution and so realise it’s more a “shit happened but there’s a way to solve it” problem iyswim?

Having said that it isn’t always a healthy way to live. I suppress a lot of emotion because multiple trauma has meant that if something get me off of probably lose it for days or weeks!

So you need to find a balance that works for you.

Learning about perspective.

I used to be a total drama llama - any little thing from a minor cut in my finger, to a broken glass, to a lost key - was an utter calamity….

was stressed to the point of exhaustion.

lots of therapy later I’ve started to get a bit id perspective.

I’ve learnt that unless someone is literally have a heart attack or bleeding out from a major wound - it is not an emergency.

poorly children, sick cats, lost shoes, broken down cars, oversleeping - all need addressing but they are not emergencies - I don’t have to go into crazy high alert.

I I’ve learnt to access and address what matters.

to see things for what they are - although this is inconvenient / annoying / expensive mistake etc - it has happened / it can’t be undone - all we can do is find a way forwards.

learning not to ruminate if the past and all the coulda shouldas which are not helpful.

drawing a line - saying - shut - this is where I am now - might not be what I wanted / expected but what am I going to do now to progress things. Dwelling is not going to change matters.

I am not by any means a ’zen’ laid back person - but I am a lot more balanced and calm.

People say ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ and it is a bit trite - but it is true. If you don’t get riled up about stuff that really doesn’t matter you have so much room in your head and heart for happiness and contentment.

Im highly strung, I really try not to be and most of mt friends would probably think im not.

DH knows, DS to a lesser extent.

I have routines that help,

I cant cope in a messy environment. That makes me spiral, so I have a small everyday set of chores that makes me feel ok.

Everything has a place and I can cope if they are where they are meant to be.

I decided to have a run of self help books, meditation podcasts etc. I almost had a nervous breakdown. I couldn't cope with the inner self. Better for me to swallow it down and keep it contained.

I have quite severe disability that happened in my late 20s. My son is disabled due to meditation that I took in pregnancy that is now being investigated as a Dr's error. I cant open up the box to what might have been.

But I do use the phrase

"Shit happens, move on" a lot.

And it helps me to be a "normal" person. Im a great friend, brilliant wife, fantastic mother, daughter, sister (so I've been told lol)

This! Once something awful happens it really puts everything into perspective.

Being raised GEN X in a huge poor but hardworking family.
Living a childhood like the memes about that time, we were pretty feral if I’m honest.

My friends sister at school died when I was 15, Suzanne was only 17 when she died. If at any point I feel bad I think well at least I can feel something, that poor girls death made me realise life is for living and fretting about anything makes no difference to the outcome.

I was seriously ill as a very young child myself and spent a couple of years waking up in hospital on and off. My friends DS had a serious illness as a child as well, both of us almost died. He is a very anxious young man, never had a partner, likes to stay at home has a safe job. I ended up having a motorbike which I crashed twice, have been off on holiday by myself, did martial arts, peeked over the edge of mountains, almost drowned due to my love of swimming in the sea and grabbed life by the balls. If anything he had much nicer caring parents, his Mum is a close friend. I just think it’s natural personality and incredibly complex.

Firstly getting back into my body..I think when I was anxious I was always somehow buzzing about just above it if that even makes any sense.
Breathwork and physical grounding helped with that. Now when I feel myself getting pulled that way I take deep breaths. And clench and unclench muscle groups and I feel more present and relaxed.
Also aging and deciding to give less fucks about everything all round.

My Mum worried about everything and nothing, I swore I would never let my life be affected by worrying about stuff that may never happen.

I cannot think of any situation where my life would have improved by worrying about it.