Laid back, easy going people - tell me your secret

As I’ve got older I have a ‘don’t give a fuck’ attitude to a lot of things. I have realised my opinion or feelings are as valid as anyone else’s, that most people only care about themselves, and it’s not my responsibility to make you feel better about something. I’m not saying I’m mean or unsympathetic, but I don’t sweat the small stuff. If my house isn’t pristine when you visit - who cares, this is how I live. If you can not confirm a suggested social meet up - I’m not waiting around for you to decide. And I certainly do not care one iota if you are impatient if I’m dealing with an urgent issue either my child. I’m not worried about fitting into some box society thinks I belong in. I will not interfere with you and you don’t interfere with me. I pass no judgment and expect the same. I will also not tolerate any crap and I’m not afraid of what people ‘senior’ to me think.

Our mind is very good at bringing up the past (what could have, should have, would have) and also fast forwarding what (what could be, should be, might be etc). And thinking about these things can make us worry. The thing is that we can change neither. We also cannot change other people either.

So if something is troubling me, I think like this:-

1. Can I control this? - (Usually the answer is no)
2. What am I feeling right now - Label your feeling - eg I'm feeling scared, anxious, etc
3. Breathe deeply for 5 breaths
4. Identify 3 positive things what you DO know eg I have XYZ who loves/cares for me, I loved the sunshine today etc etc
5. Remind yourself of no 1, and that you can't control the past or the future
6. Remind yourself that you make decisions on what you know at the time and it's OK to not know everything.

Having the worst case scenarios in nearly every walk of life happen. Then seeing people even worse off than I was.

It wakes you up. You realise energy is finite and what you should spend it on.

Part of being highly strung is the self-obsession and need for control. It takes some real self reflection to change.

When something happens, don’t react. Take 10
mins at least, or even overnight. Sleep on it. Everything seems better.

And remember - on a universal level nothing we do means a crock of shit in the grand scheme of things. In 100 years we’ll be dust and mostly forgotten.

People need to stop worrying what randoms think of them - why cares?!

I think, despite my upbringing, I am positive and laid back by nature. My DH has become quite negative and it’s having an impact on me. I have to work hard to stay upbeat and relaxed, and this involves tuning him out.

It’s having a negative impact on him and our kids are running from him. He needs to sort it out quick

The influence of a partner is significant as a PP said.
My partner has really rubbed off on me.

I grew up with a negative undertone to everything so life and problems always felt insurmountable.
My partner has the opposite as his default.
Over the years I've learnt his way of thinking and basically believe that everything can be worked out ok in the end...and 99% of the time this is true. I can then save the worry energy for the 1%.

Yes this. Exactly.

Exactly. I mind enormously what I think of myself — I try to live up to my own standards of intelligence, kindness, producing good work, parenting well, being a good friend, giving back to the world etc. And I mind what the people I love think of me. But strangers, or people whose opinions I don’t value? Why would I care what they think?

It’s not that I don’t care really, just what would I care what someone I don’t care about, has an opinion about me!

No family support, rubbish, unsupportive relationships, I learned to just stop caring years ago!

Lots of micronized progesterone!

I’ve always been like this, as have my mum, nan and aunt. I think their vibe created a sense of calm for me so it’s all I know really. All of us tend to try to find the positives in everything where possible.

i also tend not to rake over negative things. That’s not to say i put my head in the sand and don’t deal with them, but once felt with I don’t go back to negative memories but tend to remember and talk about the positives. I know some people that do loop a lot on things that are either negative. That might be gossiping negatively about someone else, or looping on worries or looping on a bad experience or something that has annoyed them.

i tend to either loop on joyful or positive things and then aim to acknowledge but leave the negative/ worrying stuff in the past. Often worries and things that make us angry are things we can’t change anyway! And if we can change them or have an impact on them then I think energy should be spend making positive change.

probably all easier said than done if you’re used to thinking in a certain way but that’s what I’ve noticed in the differences in mindset between me and some people I know that have a more highly strung - they tend to have a more negative outlook in general than I do.

Prizmag is a super product

I'm laid back and the eternal optimist. It drives my DH mad because he's the opposite and he wants me to worry about stuff that's never gonna happen like he does. I've never been a worrier and I suppose it's just the way I am.

dh being diagnosed with cancer put everything into perspective.
little things just really don’t matter anymore and the clarity abject terror provides means that you refocus on what matters.

Hi, could you recommend some of those book please?

When things go wrong I ask myself 'Will it matter in a year's time?'. If the answer is 'No,' which it nearly always is then I shrug it off.

No point stressing about it.

OP I've been surprised by the number of people on this thread who've said that traumatic experiences/losing loved ones young has led to them being laid back. My experience has been the exact opposite, and I think I'm in the majority, just not on this thread, which has attracted naturally laid back people as requested in your thread title! I think most therapists spend their days working with people on how adverse past experiences have led them to maladaptive coping mechanisms like anxiety. I don't think anyone who is anxious or highly strung actually thinks it will benefit them or improve their life. The idea that knowing worry is pointless and self destructive is all that's needed to stop is making me quite cross!

Like some others, physical things have helped me best: cold water swimming, yoga (preferably also outside and in the cold), running, singing, breathwork. I highly recommend the book 'Breath' by James Nestor.

I would describe myself as fairly easy going now but I think it's basically because I have developed really good boundaries and no longer do anything I don't want to do (I mean, of course I do have to do some things for my kid and family, but generally speaking). I used to go along with things I thought were 'normal' or that my friends wanted me to do that used to make feel anxious or stressed, now I just don't bother. I live a simple life on my own terms and have a very regulated nervous system.

they do say the less you care the happier you'll be.
Does anyone think it depends what kind of environment you were bought up in and the way you saw your family react to. stuff?

@whiteboard, thanks for your response. I can sort of understand what you're saying. I can see another family member might describe her situation and perspectives in a similar manner.. Although obviously everyone is unique..Thanks ☺️

Internal anxiety