AIBU to want family photo on display?

@Ilovelifeverymuch "even her description of the photo says how she feels about it and she doesn't get to force it down the whole family."

Force it down the whole family! It'll be there for a couple of hours on the sideboard and that's it. I'm sure any reasonably normal family could cope with that without being overcome with hysteria. She's not going make them all eat sheeps eyeballs or strip the wallpaper off. Get a grip.

It'd be a kind thing to do... as long as you don't have children of an age to innocently point out the new photograph they've never seen before!

A false view of reality might be a bit much here. If the picture was nicer I’m sure they’d keep it up, they just think it’s a rubbish photo. It’s not like they’re pretending they like them when really they don’t

Exactly this.

its one lunch . It’s not like it’s tv screen sized and you’re putting it up in the bedroom … but of course if you’re stuck for his next birthday gift

I guess that the problem is also that if they think that you love it, you will get a new version every christmas!

Your grandparents, your decision. You're being nice.😎

It’s a tricky one. I do think it’s nice to put it up for a few hours then take it down and laugh about it, then everyone is happy.
But then it feels like a lie and your parents have a false view of reality.
but that’s what life is! We are constantly doing that in life, little white lies to make life easier or make people feel good.

Yes definitely put it up ,it will just make them happy.
We had a similar dilemma where my uncle had an AI pic done of my grandchildren…it’s bloody awful but I just have it up in sitting room tucked away in a corner.

I'd put it up in my bedroom for the afternoon & if it's not mentioned great but if they mention it say 'oh it's upstairs out on display where we see it everyday' That way if they ever just pop in unannounced they won't know it's not out all the time where they would if it's displayed in the living area & not there when they call by.

Bloody hell, it's propping it on a ledge for a couple of hours, not blowing it up to life size and glueing it to the wall!

I bet, once it's up, everyone stops noticing it anyway. Put it up and then take it down and put it in a drawer. Displaying it is a nice thing to do and nobody will die from having to look at a less-than-wonderful photo for a while.

There are times when being a ‘people pleaser’ is a bad thing, but this isn’t one of them. It’ll take seconds to display it and seconds to put it away when they’ve gone. It requires hardly any effort from you and it’s the kind thing to do. Your husband just sounds like an arse. I could understand if they had gifted him an itchy, ugly jumper to wear and you were trying to make him wear it, but this is a photo that will sit on a shelf. He doesn’t need to even think about it sitting there.

I come from a huge family. My GM had 11 children, numerous GC and limited space. She used to swap family around when family visited. I was close GM and saw a lot of her and actually helped her do this when I got older. Others, many of whom lived overseas, in a time when travel was not as easy as it is now, had no idea she actually did this. It did no harm and made those visiting feel good. GM loved her family but didn't want to live in a portrait gallery! Put the offending photo out on display for the afternoon, and tell your husband to get on with it. As they say on MN this is 'not a hill to die o

These are the things that make a home, a home. You and dc will laugh about photo on display in years to come, promise 😂

It will make them happy- put it up.
your Dh is being an arse.

DH says absolutely not, we are being insincere by pretending to like it,

Hmm. Does he make a habit of covering up his bad manners by claiming to be "sincere"?

thinks I’m too much of a people pleaser!
And does he generally try to win arguments by putting you down?

Both look like traits that need calling out!

This is one of the instances in life where it costs you nothing to bring joy to someone else. Your H is being an arse.

Your GPS probably think it's the most perfect picture ever. I don't think you're wrong to people please in this scenario. And at least it will only be up a few hours!

I definitely agree with your DH.

I had an unhappy relationship with my parents. When my DS was very young my DH and I did take him to stay with them on a couple of occasions so he could have a relationship with his grandparents. When we went they always had quite a few photos on display of my DS and of me. Which always surprised me because I was considered the black sheep of the family. Then I discovered that these photos were only put out for the visit. The rest of the year they had photos of my siblings and their families up as their normal.display.

I can't tell you how I upset I felt. It wasnt so much the hurt of them not having our photos up normally - that didn't surprise me. It was the deception and the deceit of pretending that really stung. And so i agree with your DH it's the two faced pretence that is so unattractive about putting up this photo just for their visit that sticks in the throat.

Might be nice to have a family photo taken WITH your grandparents to replace it, and then you can display it all the time. x

Sounds as though your hudband is prone to Adukt Tiddler Tantrums. You know when toddlers who can get get their own way.
Sulk, scream out of control Then end up pissing in their shies. Just ignore him. He needs to grow up

I canbot believe people on this thread are telling you not to put it up!You are being thoughtful and kind. Not a people pleaser.
Your husbabd has no empathy.
Put it up and make 2 grand parents happy. You obviously love them and they love you.

There’s no ‘right’ answer here.
Your DH doesn’t want to be fake in his own home and I guess he has a right to feel like that if the photo is on display.
Yes you might be people pleasing but these are two elderly people who have give you something meaningful to them and I would be the same as you and not want to hurt their feelings. I think it’s polite to put it out but I would maybe put it somewhere not so obvious like a hallway or something?

A couple of hrs with it out is not going to hurt your husband and they may never notice but if they do- I’m sure it would make them happy. Your priorities are their feelings whereas his are about honesty. I know what I’d rather.
I guess I’m a people pleaser too!!

It’s not people pleasing, it’s being polite!

YANBU Your DH’s position isn’t unreasonable either, but your grandparents, your choice.

If you are often doing things to “be kind” that are detrimental to you and your family (as one of your posts suggests) then I can see why your DH might be frustrated with you and want to put up a hard boundary. But in this case he’s over reacting. There’s nothing detrimental to you or DH about displaying the photo for an afternoon. Even if it encourages them to send you more photos you don’t really want, you can easily handle that without any real cost.

'tis a nice thing to do for an old couple. What a fuss - put yourself in the old folks' shoes - says a lot about OH

Yes, I’d put the photo out for them to see. I think it’s sweet and it’s a show of love for them which means so much.