Sex or not to sex…

Hrt brought mine back.with vengeance and sex is so much better. We have older kids so dont have small people factor to contend with

Why do we fear this stage??

Genuinely answering your question and not meaning to sound like a twat: I really like sex.

My libido hit the floor for a couple of years in the throes of early parenthood, breastfeeding and sleep deprivation and I really, really missed it. Back then we averaged sex once a month (it would happen whenever I felt the slightest flutter of desire and every time I initiated my husband was up for it, he didn't want to pressure me so he never initiated during that phase). I always enjoyed it when we did do it but I lost the desire for it in between times if that makes sense - but even then I missed having the desire!

I would be so, so sad to think of going the rest of my life without sex. I can't imagine it. I hope we'll be one of those couples getting it on regularly on our old age! It's fun and bonding and pleasurable.

Can I ask, and again I mean this very genuinely as I really am curious - did you ever have a higher libido? I ask because oftentimes people who say they don't miss sex also say that they never liked it that much to begin with. So I have wondered if that's most of those people, or if there's a significant group who had a higher libido, lost it and don't miss it if that makes sense. When mine was lower I really missed it even though I didn't miss sex in that moment?? A bit odd, but hopefully I have explained it OK.

This is exactly what it's like for me. We now have sex every second Sunday, scheduled. I always enjoy it, but have zero desire to initiate. Everyone's a winner now.

I’m with you on the lack of desire.

When you say not completely sexless, what does that look like for you? Once a week, a month, a quarter, birthdays only?

Not sure where you got all that from, like @RogueFemalesaid surely we’ve all been there at some point? It doesn’t mean I don’t desire my highly attractive and virile DH, it means I wasn’t feeling it at the time and it was a relief knowing he was happy and so was I.

I'm exactly the same as you, same age.
I married a (decent) man three decades older, so I'm left alone now and very content with that.
Unless your partner is alright with a sexless relationship, you will probably be put off, sooner or later.

Weve not had sex for at least 5 maybe 7 years and it's blissful. But it's important both people are happy. I'm 56 and he's 52 if that matters, no kids

"Hey DH, I only said yes to having sex with you not because I actually wanted to but it felt easier to have a half-hearted shag rather than have an honest conversation with you about how I feel. It was basically a pity fuck in the hopes that it'd shut you up for a couple of weeks. Thanks for not taking too long and for god's sake don't fool yourself into thinking that I actually desire you or anything gross like that. You're not sexually attractive to me in any way. Sleep well!"

How deeply depressing.

Are you post menopause? My last period was age 51 and in my late 40s my libido went through the roof! I thought about it all the time. I do miss that desire but now 55 it’s levelled out and it’s still important to me but not at the forefront of my mind and yes the raw desire isn’t there . DH is much the same. It’s less often but really good when it happens.Vaginal oestrogen helps btw.

You need to tell him exactly how you feel.

You sound like you have a good healthy relationship, just do what works for you.

It's fine to not want sex any more. But that might have implications for your relationship if you want to keep it.

I'd be happy to never have sex again. I'm just not interested. But dh would be really sad. I love him and I want him to be happy so we have sex once a week on average. Sometimes less, never more. So more than I would ideally want, less than he would ideally want. It's a compromise.

We have all been there.

I absolutely could not do this. I have friends who do but I just….couldn’t.

I don’t think anyone has ever implied it’s not ok for people not to want as much sex as they age. But some people ARE interested in reigniting it because they enjoyed it. Nothing wrong with that either.

My ex lost his sex drive, we stayed together for 5 years after this. The killer for me wasn’t the lack of sex, but his lack of interest in getting it sorted or any exploration into what was wrong. He knew it was important to me, but didn’t even want to investigate what was happening.

by all means do what you are comfortable with, but just be aware your partner didn’t sign up for life as a monk or a nun. If you are content that this could end you relationship then be honest about that and let them choose what life they want

There’s nothing quite like the knowledge that you’ve bought yourself a fortnight’s grace after ten minutes of perfunctory sex is over.

seriously though, this suggestion might be misconstrued as giving into sex she doesn’t want just to keep a man happy.

Surely there’s your answer then? If you’re happily compatible then you’re all good. If not, then you split.

Didn't they call that conjugal rights?

You are, of course, entirely justified in deciding that you no longer want to have sex, or to only have sex on a very infrequent basis.

At the same time your partner is entirely justified if he decided that he doesn't want to be in a sexless relationship and so leave you.