I've come across something recently and I’m interested in other people’s perspectives.
I follow a single dad on social media who seems very involved 50/50 care (not court ordered), Good father, holidays, days out, clearly a big presence in his child’s life. It made me feel quite sad about my own situation, as my children’s dad hasn’t seen them in 3 years.
But when I mentioned this, I was surprised by how many women said they would actually prefer an absent father over an involved one like that.
Just to be clear I’m not talking about abusive or unsafe situations, as that’s obviously completely different. I mean genuinely good, loving, consistent dads. The reasons they gave weren't related to safety and was more about not wanting to miss out on time with their children. Obviously absent is better than abusive but that’s not what we are talking about here.
I think I’m struggling to understand it because my instinct is that a positive, present parent is a best for a child, however you may feel about not wanting to spend time away from them.
Is it more about the realities of co-parenting that can come with having an ex in your life?
I do wonder whether sometimes, after a breakup, some people quietly hope for no involvement from their ex because it feels emotionally or practically easier even if the parent themselves is a good one?
I’ll be honest, part of me also wonders whether wider expectations or assumptions around fathers can be quite negative, and whether that affects how involvement is perceived but I’m open to being wrong on that.
Just genuinely interested in how others see it.