Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what counts as flirting vs polite chat?

32 replies

Pinkhiker975 · 11/04/2026 17:48

And no I don’t have a backstory that I’m going to later drip feed 😂, I’m just genuinely curious about people’s opinions.

So many couple’s arguments begin with, ‘you were flirting with her/him!’, but what actually counts as flirting for you/your DH? Banter? Jokes? Compliments? Smiling at each other a little too much?

Thanks for any input 🙂

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 03/09/2026 10:38

I don't think it's something that can be easily written down. It's about body language, touch, eye contact, facial expressions, and tone of voice. Eg there is a million miles between a sarcastic 'ha ha', a polite laugh, a hearty laugh, and a flirty giggle.

Gymimposter1977 · 03/09/2026 10:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ginasevern · 03/09/2026 10:20

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Nah, obviously frigid mate if she's immune to your obvious charms.

Gymimposter1977 · 03/09/2026 10:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ginasevern · 03/09/2026 10:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

No dick sucking fantasies then?

Gymimposter1977 · 02/09/2026 19:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Tiredhotmess · 02/09/2026 19:44

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Unless you're autistic. My DD (27) doesnt have a clue when someone is flirting with her/interested in her.

Gymimposter1977 · 02/09/2026 19:37

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Thepeopleversuswork · 02/09/2026 19:20

It doesn’t really matter what the difference is because you can’t control someone else’s behaviour. Which is why PPs are right about trust. Its either there or its not.

I have never understood people who think they can avoid infidelity by policing their partners behaviour and talk about “nipping it in the bud” when they observe their partner chatting and smiling with someone of the opposite sex. It doesn’t work like that.

Its binary. Either you trust someone enough to leave them to it and assume they won’t cheat or if you don’t, you leave. There is no “nipping in the bud” on behalf of another person.

Gymimposter1977 · 02/09/2026 18:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Pinkhiker975 · 02/09/2026 18:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

In many cases probably yes; sometimes we just can tell that a man is looking at us in a certain way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkhiker975 · 02/09/2026 18:41

ginasevern · 02/09/2026 12:05

In my experience most men take polite conversation and a smile as a metaphor for wanting to suck their dick.

I wanted the laugh emoji

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkhiker975 · 02/09/2026 18:40

Jellybunny98 · 11/04/2026 18:20

To answer your actual question OP, I think flirting is often more about how something is said than what is actually said a lot of the time! You can compliment someone and be flirting and you can compliment someone without flirting, it’s a tone of voice & body language thing I personally would say.

Sorry for my late reply this, I agree mostly. I just think there are certain comments, largely appearance based, which would be undoubtedly flirtatious regardless of tone of voice or facial expression.

OP posts:
ginasevern · 02/09/2026 12:05

In my experience most men take polite conversation and a smile as a metaphor for wanting to suck their dick.

SeraphinaRainbird · 02/09/2026 11:40

My daughter has had problems all her adult life with men misinterpreting her friendliness for flirting. After an autism diagnosis in her 40s she realised that she had never understood how much eye contact was normal, and had probably been giving too much!

Gymimposter1977 · 02/09/2026 10:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Tiredhotmess · 11/04/2026 19:27

Body language, definitely. If the person is standing/sitting really close to or leaning into the other person, looking at them intently and smiling a lot, laughing/giggling a lot, subconsciously self preening i.e.touching their own face/neck/lips, or running fingers through their hair etc. These, to me, would all be signs of flirting.

Jellybunny98 · 11/04/2026 18:20

To answer your actual question OP, I think flirting is often more about how something is said than what is actually said a lot of the time! You can compliment someone and be flirting and you can compliment someone without flirting, it’s a tone of voice & body language thing I personally would say.

Posner · 11/04/2026 18:16

Just for wondering whether someone really knows loads of couples where there has been an issue 🤷‍♀️

IlovePhilMitchell · 11/04/2026 18:15

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 11/04/2026 18:03

Oh do stop trying to make the OP look silly with the wide-eyes.

As an adult you'll know full well that some couples fall out over one accusing the other of flirting.

You're trying to humiliate the OP but you're just humiliating yourself.

Show quote history

THIS

IlovePhilMitchell · 11/04/2026 18:15

THIS

Original poster
Pinkhiker975 · 11/04/2026 18:12

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 11/04/2026 18:03

Oh do stop trying to make the OP look silly with the wide-eyes.

As an adult you'll know full well that some couples fall out over one accusing the other of flirting.

You're trying to humiliate the OP but you're just humiliating yourself.

Show quote history

Thank you! I think that poster is just being obtuse.

OP posts:
Posner · 11/04/2026 18:05

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 11/04/2026 18:03

Oh do stop trying to make the OP look silly with the wide-eyes.

As an adult you'll know full well that some couples fall out over one accusing the other of flirting.

You're trying to humiliate the OP but you're just humiliating yourself.

Show quote history

Oh calm down

ItsOnlyHobnobs · 11/04/2026 18:04

It’s intention.

Sometimes I’ve knowingly come across as what could be deemed flirty behaviour, but I know I have no intentions towards that person.

Other times, I don’t believe I have been flirting, I have no intentions towards them, but been accused of flirting, possibly because of the individuals own insecurities.

I know a lot of people who don’t actually flirt very well when they do fancy someone, so if you see them ‘flirting’, it’s because they feel comfortable in being charming and personable socially in a safe space.

SaffronsMadAboutMe · 11/04/2026 18:03

Posner · 11/04/2026 17:57

Never experienced it
and never been aware of my friends marriages experiencing this

have you?

Show quote history

Oh do stop trying to make the OP look silly with the wide-eyes.

As an adult you'll know full well that some couples fall out over one accusing the other of flirting.

You're trying to humiliate the OP but you're just humiliating yourself.

Swipe left for the next trending thread