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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask, what people’s expectations are for how often a father has the child?

237 replies

NeedingASafeSpace · 11/04/2026 17:18

I posted a thread about a personal issue and was asked if my DC father was a good dad. I said he was and also stated he sees DC every other weekend. A poster made out as if this was “typical” behaviour as in “another ‘good dad’ who only sees DC EOW” but what do other people expect? I wouldn’t want to do 50/50 with ex because I believe a child should have main roots with their mother and see father as much as possible. That’s how my set up is anyway. My DC is with me majority of the time and with her DD EOW. Is this not normal?

OP posts:
BlueMum16 · 11/04/2026 17:28

We had this conversation before we had kids.

We equally chose to have DC and parent equally so there would be no alternative other than 50:50

DC deserve and need both parents equally.

SparklePuppy · 11/04/2026 17:28

It’s normal yes but I wanted 50/50 and people tell me THATS weird and “dont you want to see your kids every day” no not really 😆

Hayley1256 · 11/04/2026 17:28

I do 50/50 with my DDs dad as it's important she sees both of us. She sees both our houses as her home. I think any parent that chooses to see their children for only 1 day a week can't be classed as 'good'

LadyTable · 11/04/2026 17:26

I wouldn’t want to do 50/50 with ex because I believe a child should have main roots with their mother and see father as much as possible.

If the child has a strong bond with their father, this would be completely unfair.

Why should the mother automatically be the default?

mindutopia · 11/04/2026 17:26

Dh and I are happily married, so this is coming from a hypothetical place, but Dh is a great dad. There is no way he’d be happy to see them only EOW. Would you be happy with that?

I think what’s best for the children is different in every situation. Dh and I would absolutely want 50/50. I think that probably would be best for them, though practically, I don’t know how it would actually work. Thinking of the divorced couples I know amongst dc’s friends, the one genuinely good dad does do 50/50. Frankly, he should probably do more than that as the mum mostly pawns the kids off on her parents or leaves them home alone to go party on her weeks. 🙄

My own dad was absolutely useless. He only turned up for the big days for the photo ops and to take the credit. My parents divorced when I was 10 and I never did an overnight ever. He’d come every month or two and take me to lunch or something and then disappear again. This was probably the best possible scenario for me. I absolutely would not have wanted to see him more than that.

Original poster
NeedingASafeSpace · 11/04/2026 17:26

ShetlandishMum · 11/04/2026 17:24

I would expect 50/50 if we split up. We have a teenager left at home. Every other weekend isn't a lot.

When I think about it you’re completely right.
He knows he can FaceTime, call or drop by whenever he feels like it. He has a new girlfriend so I think that makes it harder now.

OP posts:
LavendarLilac2 · 11/04/2026 17:25

I don’t know anyone who only takes care of their child(ren) 4 days month. I struggle to understand how any parent would be ok with that.

I know one dad who does every other day so 50/50 and another who does Thursday-Sunday (collects from school on Thursday afternoon) so again, 50/50.

(edited to say month not week)

ShetlandishMum · 11/04/2026 17:24

I would expect 50/50 if we split up. We have a teenager left at home. Every other weekend isn't a lot.

Original poster
NeedingASafeSpace · 11/04/2026 17:24

Mauro711 · 11/04/2026 17:21

It’s not normal where I’m from. 50/50 is the norm here. I think a child should have equal access to both parents as long as neither are unsafe.

Show quote history

I have never been asked for 50/50 but even if that was the case I know my child wouldn’t want that. Where are you from? Nothing has ever gone through courts and I believe her DD to be fine with that. Me and her DD get on. It hasn’t ever really been an issue or anything for me to question. Until now.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 11/04/2026 17:23

I think it's normal

Mauro711 · 11/04/2026 17:21

NeedingASafeSpace · 11/04/2026 17:18

I posted a thread about a personal issue and was asked if my DC father was a good dad. I said he was and also stated he sees DC every other weekend. A poster made out as if this was “typical” behaviour as in “another ‘good dad’ who only sees DC EOW” but what do other people expect? I wouldn’t want to do 50/50 with ex because I believe a child should have main roots with their mother and see father as much as possible. That’s how my set up is anyway. My DC is with me majority of the time and with her DD EOW. Is this not normal?

It’s not normal where I’m from. 50/50 is the norm here. I think a child should have equal access to both parents as long as neither are unsafe.

Chatsbots · 11/04/2026 17:20

It's basically 4 days a month, it's not a lot, is it really?