AIBU to be hurt by my drunk MIL's comments?

Ooof. That;s awful. I can't think of anyway that any of that can be dressed up.

I hope she feels fucking awful today.

I'm sorry.

She’s shown herself to be, underneath it all, a bit of an arsehole. That’s on her and is no reflection on you.

You’ve got nothing to feel hurt about because you know that having a Masters doesn’t make you a better class of person. It doesn’t improve your personality or guarantee that you’ll do better in life. And you know that you’re not jealous of your SiL, so for that thought to have even occurred to her, speaks volumes about her own insecurities (another thing that having a masters isn’t going to help her with).

I think I’d probably speak to your DH again and try to make him understand why it hurt your feelings. How would he feel if he thought he got on quite well with your dad, and your dad then made a couple of very cutting comments that made it clear he didn’t think your DH was quite up to standard in terms of achievements or appearance? If he claims he wouldn’t even be slightly taken aback by it, then I’d be a bit suspicious of that.

Re MiL, I don’t think I’d bother pulling her up on it; she’s told you what her opinions are. Those aren’t going to change and if she apologises it’ll be because your DH has asked her to. It won’t mean anything. I think I’d just accept that my relationship with her wasn’t what I’d thought it was, she wasn’t who I’d thought she was, and withdraw. So still perfectly polite at family occasions but no closeness. And if she noticed and asked why, I’d be very honest and tell her that her values made me uncomfortable.

Just goes to show having academic qualifications doesn't make you a nice person! I would keep my distance from now on and just be polite when you see her. She's shown her true colours now and you won't forget what she said.

If there is a next time.

What an old cowbag she is!!

also why has she done a masters after retiring? Probably because she wants to elevate her own standing within the family as it clearly wasn’t done for professional development.

How do you think she will react if she’s pulled up on this? Is she likely to be mortified and apologetic or likely to deny or minimise? I’d be thinking about that before doing anything else tbh.

If she’s likely to dismiss it then I’d probably leave it but be frosty from now on.

I think I’d have to address this at some point and say something like ‘I was thinking about what you said at your party Sue, about me not having a masters degree like the rest of the family…and I might do one in the future. Obviously I wouldn’t leave it as long as you did! Ha ha, I don’t want to be the only pensioner in the student union!! But maybe in a few years I’ll go back to Uni, give up work and you’ll be retired by then and can pick up your Granny duties and have the children a lot more while I study.’

Easier said than done but please try to take no notice. I mean even if you were feeling inadequate (which I know you already stated you aren’t), MIL has essentially proven that she herself wasn’t as academic in her youth either if she has waited until now to complete her masters!

I think next time you are out for a meal with them I would remind her about how she loses her filter when drinking and suggest she lays off the sauce. I would be disappointed in your husband trying to minimisse it too. Is he happy with her implying that his brother has better taste or “pulling power” than him?

Did your DH witness her comments? I'd only let him have a word with her if he did, and wanted to express his own annoyance at them.
If he didn't witness the exchange, a) it won't work, she'll just deny it or say you misunderstood and b) you should put your big girl pants on and fight your own battles.

Something similar happened in our family - my gran got v drunk at her sister’s golden wedding. She was a strict catholic and had two boys - my dad and my uncle. Spent the entire night doing the rounds with various family and friends crying and telling them how she didn’t know why she had annoyed God so much because “one son married a Proddy and the other married a cripple”. My mum was CofE and my lovely aunt had MS.

I think the only people she didn’t say this to were her sons (who thought the sun shone out of her arse) and her DILs, but it got back to my mum via me and was passed on to my aunt and my cousins. Both men refused to say anything, but invites to our houses lessened, and us grandchildren suddenly had more clubs and sports to go to at the weekends and school holidays. She only had herself to blame. We were very clear that we saw her true thoughts that night.

I agreed with @BiddlyBipBipBeeBop
’s post (below). It pure projection. I would never mention it, but I would remember her feelings and be very wary of her in future

“She’s projecting. She did her degree later in life because the rest of her family made her feel inadequate academically.”

In vino veritas. She provided you with a full and coherent picture of what she thinks of you ( and what she values) despite being drunk. I wonder how much of what she said she remembers.

I wouldn't make a big thing of this - no point unless you like arguments ( and even then, you aren't going to change what you heard or what she thinks of you by arguing about it).

But I wouldn't forget it, either, and wouldn't be putting myself out for her at all in future. Let your DH carry that load from now on.

How insulting. Drink is no excuse.
She should contact you to apologise.

If she doesn’t offer an apology either you or your DH should tackle it.

I rather suspect he might minimise it though.

I would be hurt and I would expect DH to say something to her.
I would hope she would then apologise to me.
I hope this is what happens

Oh I can’t cope with families that place such a massive emphasis on what university qualifications they all have. No one actually cares. Such dull people.

OP, no, I wouldn’t be asking my husband to ‘have a word’, firstly because I wouldn’t need to, as he’d have a word anyway and secondly, I’d have told her what I thought at the party!

You may not have a masters, but you have manners.

Take the higher road, but don’t ever forget. I’d probably dial down my relationship with her from now on. She’s told you what she thinks, at least now you know.

I’d be hurt too though I think I’d have walked away there and then after saying ‘you’ve clearly had too much to drink as you’re being very rude and disrespectful’.
I would want my dh to speak to his dm as I wouldn’t want a repeat of that.

What an utter cow and your dh minimising it! Being drunk is no excuse. Thats her true personality. In vino veritas and all that. She needs a masters in being a decent human being

@Tooberbut don’t you think there’s a chance that she’ll just feel like she got away with it and avoided an uncomfortable confrontation? Or she may minimise it and conclude she wasn’t ’that bad’ if nothing gets said?

I’d be hurt too. I suppose the only goodish thing is that you know her true views and I think that is useful information to have. I wonder too if she struggles with jealousy and insecurity given she mentioned both? We often project our own traits onto others.

I think she should be pulled up on it. Ideally you’d do it yourself as I think that would have the most impact, but it’s easy for me to say that and appreciate harder in reality. So if not you, your dh.

She sounds like a nob.

I would never want to see her again. What a nasty woman she is to say this to you. She is very shallow and not all academic people have common sense and she is obviously one of them.

YANBU, she said some very hurtful things to you. What I would do I think, is absolutely nothing. I wouldn't mention it nor would I ask DH to speak to her. If she doesn't usually drink much, you've never seen her drunk before and you usually get on well, I suspect she's mortified to have done this and waiting anxiously for consequences. When none come and you're both acting completely normal she'll be as bewildered as she is embarrassed. It's so petty and maybe I'm a terrible person but I would quite I enjoy that after what she said.

“She then said at the end “ah you must be a bit jealous of her, with her being so lovely and smart and stunning”.”

Wouldn’t a delicious response have been “Not at all, but you clearly are!”

I never think of the right reply until well after the event! 🤣

She’s projecting. She did her degree later in life because the rest of her family made her feel inadequate academically.

I'd have probably said something on the lines of having plenty of time left if I wanted to, after all she is only just studying for her masters now she's retired.