If DH dies before me I wouldn’t care if I never saw the extended family again

Mine can drop dead for all I care. I’m divorced, he’s abusive, they don’t believe us. They can rot in hell

I might of felt different if the children where nice but frankly they are feral and neither parent parents then although the dad is slightly stricter but often over ruled by mum.

I often end up forgetting that the oldest is merely month younger than my youngest as they act like a reception child.

I'm divorced and there are some of XH's family it's been a relief to lose contact with. There are others I felt closer to than some of my own equivalent family, and I genuinely miss them but have accepted that they're no longer a part of my life.

XH and I were together around 20 years and I'd known his family since I was 18/19.

So I think it probably depends a lot on the quality of the extended family!!

I feel like that about my siblings.

Once our parents die, I wont have to deal with them anymore.

I have nothing to do with any of my exdp family.

My late husband's aunt introduces me to people as her niece.
His cousins (from a different aunt, and on the other side of the world) call me their cousin.

That means a lot to me. When I mentioned to one of the cousins, that I was really touched that he called me his cousin, he was really bewildered. "But you are... you're family"

I'm clearly lucky compared to most of this thread.

Same

And my husband would run 100mph from my family and never look back if I died first 🤣

I’ve been with my husband for 41 yrs and if anything happened to him I definitely wouldn’t keep in touch with my in-laws family , I have as little to do with them as possible now as do our adult children . If I were to die my husband would definitely stay in touch with my family .

Yes I feel exactly the same. We met later in life and no shared children, although I think I’d have to move somewhere less desirable as they seem to treat us as a ‘nice for a break’ destination as it’s a tourist city.

they are not horrible to me but MIL is probably BPD so everything is drama and all about her regardless of who she’s telling you about. I can cope with her in very small doses - 2 days maximum. She often exhibits Bizarre behaviour. I thought Narc for years but she fits BPD( now called EUPD which is a better descriptor).

im always amazed at how unfuckedup partner is considering. I means yes definitely classic issues that stem from this type of parenting but he’s come a long way in 25 years (as have I with my own parentally originated fuckedupness - it’s a journey kids!).

My son is in therapy to deal with the residual effects of it all. Im optimistic that should he choose to procreate he will do a better job than the previous generations.

So you’re in your mid 80s?!

Growing up, family was family, not about blood. My mum was really close to one SIL and her nephews. And there was little distinction in the wider family, if you married in, you were family.
It was a bit of a shock coming across DH's family. One of the first things MIL said to me, in my 20s, was 'I said, stay in touch to the previous girlfriend, but I didn't mean it' this was repeated to me at various other siblings break ups. So MIL cleat had that as a model in her head.
The divorce of BIL shock that because non-blood SIL as resident parent had control of the grand children.
I think the bonds have got even looser over the years. I've lost a lot of respect for my PIL over the years for the way they parented DH, they play favourites with grand children and they've not aged gracefully.
I won't be staying in touch, I think it's a shame I got this family, I would have suited an all in it together, forever attitude.

I’m in a weirder but similar situation. I want my DM to live as long as possible but I’ll have nothing to do with my eldest sister when she’s gone and I feel very firmly about that. Extended family fine.

I feel exactly the same about my DH’s family, although there are a few outliers I actively like - a couple of his cousins and our niece/nephew.

Yes I don’t say it infront of them and people introduce me as Aunty Joan.

But with my friends and family if I talk about them it they are dh’s nephews did such and such.

Tableforjoan
Yup this is exactly why I don’t call his nieces and nephews my nieces and nephews. They are not.
My ‘aunt’ (putting it in inverted commas solely for her!) used to introduce us as her husband’s niece and nephew and I found it really horrible- like she was distancing herself from us. I’d personally file it under things you think but there’s no need to say

I thought I had a good relationship with my SIL, even though her brother, my husband, was an arse (and everyone in the family knew he was). He died two years ago and she's barely kept in touch, which is quite hurtful. I send greetings cards for special occasions but other than that I'm not bothering any more.

Honestly, if anything happened to one of my daughters, I'd be really sad if their DH exited my life. I'm fond of both of the sons in law. And I know that the remaining daughter and partner would be distraught to no longer be in their nieces' lives.
(I can't even contemplate the thought of not being as involved with my DGCs as I am now)

That's alright, OP.
I'm not going to see them, either.

Oh goodness me, no, I can't imagine I'd really want to spend any time with them if I could avoid it. There's a long history there and they don't like me. I don't like them either because of the way they have treated us in the past (we are very good at managing this now, so I tolerate them in small doses)

Dh would be the total opposite with my family though. They love him like he's their own. And I'm very close to the spouse of my sibling who died a little while ago too.

That's completely normal to me. I know some people have real, lasting friendships with their in-laws and while I think that is lovely, I do not think it is all that common.

If dh and I split up, or, God forbid, he died, I would not stay in touch with my in-laws except to let them see my dcs as they are still young children.

I loved my MIL, so it's a bit different. But I tried to do for her, what her son would have done. Unfortunately she lived 2.5 - 3 hours away, but when she went into a care home I'd drive up there every three or four weeks. Fortunately my SIL was very attentive before it got to the care home stage, but I supported her where I could. I also took over his role as computer/digital advisor to his very elderly (but sharp as a button) aunt!

So yep. His family is important to me, because he was. If they weren't decent people, I might feel differently, but in his absence, they're a positive in my life.

I’d never be able to shake my sister in law. When she’s had a few she always tells me she would keep me in the event of divorce from her DB

DH died twenty years ago, and I am still very much in touch with his side of the family. I don't have much in common with my MiL, and now that my DC are adults I rarely see her (she lives the other end of the country) but we maintain a cordial relationship by phone and email. I am much more regularly in touch with my sisters in law and even some of DH's cousins (much more than with my own cousins). I suppose it is a question of whether you like them to start with.

I think I would probably stay in touch with some of my current DP's family if he died, but there wouldn't be the tie of them being related to my DC.

My MIL is on her own after FIL died a couple of years ago and her old friend has dementia. If DH dies before her I'd feel very conflicted- I would be happy not to see her again but I would also feel very guilty as she is lonely. I really hope it doesn't happen.