If DH dies before me I wouldn’t care if I never saw the extended family again

I feel the same. We married later in life, no children together, he has no children. My in-laws are fine but we wouldn't be friends and they've always kept me at arms length. I've always felt they don't think I'm good enough for him or them. My own children don't know them as they've never been included in family stuff. So I would walk away without a backward glance if I lost him.

I was with my late husband from about 16 years ago old. I became good friends with his mum and his 5 brothers and sisters . He died 19 years ago after 35 years of marriage and I am still close to all his family . His 2 sisters and one of his sisters in law are my best friends , in fact I’m closer to them than I am to my 2 brothers . My adult DD is close to them too .

I thought I would be the same. I loved his mother and younger brother but they both died before he did. However his sister was so amazing around the time of his death that I ended up becoming friends with her and we meet up a couple of times a year. I'd barely spoken to her before but it's nice having that link to him still.

You may feel the same as you do now when it finally happens, but maybe not.

Im mostly not hugely close to dh's family but I do.considet them part of my extended family so I absolutely would still have contact, especially while dc still living with me. But I think it would inevitably be less. They very much would be very extended family - Christmas cards and big events - only. Amd there's a few branches i would abandon in a heartbeat
... but we have very little contact with them anyway!

I wouldn’t keep in touch with my husbands family, and have been lucky enough until a recent death in their family that I haven’t seen them for many years.

Meeting them again, reminded me of why I don’t like them at all.

Not helped perhaps by the fact that every time I have seen them, it’s been some type of “occasion/ celebration” when they are drunk.

That was lovely of them.

A huge bonus of being widowed was not having to be in the same room as my ex inlaws ever again.

Not normal to me but I'm not English. I think if you are this is probably totally normal.

My husband’s family make no effort to keep in touch with him while he’s alive. They do get on, on the rare occasions he sees them. I wouldn’t see hind nor hair of them if he popped his clogs 🤷‍♀️

Following on from my previous post... I believe my DH would keep in touch with my family. I am close to my sisters and their families and they are fond of him. He really is like a father to my adult children and my grandchildren. My extended family have a history of keeping people in the family (if they want to be there obviously), in fact I attended a funeral a month or so ago which was also attended by at least 2 widows of deceased family members. We are a close and welcoming family, even if some of us rarely see each other.

The fact you have no children together abd no in-laws is a massive thing here. It means you can choose never to see them again. Most of us who have kids with our DH are not in your situation so it’s a fairly pointless post, IMHO.

are your financials all sorted that there would be no inheritance issues?

DH’s parents never spoke to me again after DH’s funeral. I am still in touch with his brother and sister in law though

No dc, I don’t this ever talk to my DH’s family again, purely because we aren’t physically or emotionally close. His parents are both dead. If the situation were reversed, he definitely wouldn’t keep in touch with mine.

This

It depends how involved you are with them. If you rarely see them then it’s understandable that you would not miss them.
You’re not close to them and that’s fine.

I would with my step-daughter and step-grandchildren, but I wouldn't be bothered about keeping in contact with my SIL and BIL. DH isn't that close to them anyway - it's not that he dislikes them (and neither do I), just that we don't really see them now, so I wouldn't be bothered about making an effort to see them if he died. However I am very fond of my stepdaughter and the grandchildren. My stepdaughter has her own mother but they don't get on and, although I don't see her often, we do keep in touch frequently and I think she needs to know that somebody cares about her.

Mid eighties and thinking about this.

Bit depressing!

Same. I’d move back to where I’m originally from, and would hardly see any of them ever again.

I didn't even meet DH's family until I'd been with him 14 years. So no, I wouldn't keep in touch (I don't even have their phone numbers, and only know where they live as their addresses are saved in my Moonpig account.)

I used to be really close with my in-laws.. I used to do lots for them, cooking, baking, shopping, gardening, putting a lot of thought into gifts and if I saw anything they’d like at the supermarket I’d get it for them etc., for 25yrs. Then husband left me and they didn’t even do so much as send a text, nothing. They didn’t even send me a Christmas card when I had sent one to them. I texted my MIL after a couple of months, she replied once but it was very bland. I know that he’s their son and loyalties lie with him, I’d never ask otherwise and I didn’t ask for an ongoing relationship, but after 25yrs, nothing?!

His sister and I were close too, I got nothing from her, she didn’t even reply to my texts. DH had a new girlfriend and SIL gushed over her (she wasn’t there in person as my DC had refused to meet her, that’s up to them, they’re in their twenties), telling my DS how great SIL thought she was and bought her a gift welcoming her to the family. My DS was furious, I’ve never seen him so angry, she can go fuck herself for all I care.

Long story, but Husband and I are back together after 3 years, PILs cuddled me and told me they really missed me etc. but there’s now a wall they’ll never breach again.

Sorry, I’ve made it all about me. I never get to say these thing in real life, lol, it’s a release. So, I don’t blame you, you’re not wishing them harm or extending any ill will, you’re just not wanting to see them and that’s fine.

I think, given the age of both you and your husband when you met and married, it wouldn’t be strange either way, whether you wanted to keep in contact with his family or not. I absolutely would if my husband were, god forbid, to die but we’re in our early thirties and have two very young children who adore their grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins etc etc. Plus I do have a good relationship with some of his family,so I would be sad not to see them. But all families and all relationships are different. There’s no right or wrong imo.

I’d definitely stay in touch with DH’s family. They are great. But I think I’m part of a large minority. Not being that fussed seems more common.

I'm always impressed when (ex) couples manage that. One of my friends is still best friends with her ex DH and his now wife. She even acted as their wedding planner when they got married!

My ex and I have maintained a friendship. I see her family regularly, and get along very well with them 🙂

😂

But not as much as you thought?!

But yes, if I met someone now, I doubt I'd ever feel as connected to their family, as I do to the in-laws that I've known since I was 22, and for more than three decades before he died.