Can I leave 14.5 year old for a few hours without a babysitter?

I agree that this over-protective approach only serves to make teenagers less independent and scared.

But I don't think it's that widespread in the UK - at least I hope not!
Most people seem to see age 11 when children start Secondary School as the time to give children more independence.
Although I do wonder if that is changing with more people now wfh and consequently being home all the time...

I agreed the age is absolutely fine to be left. I stand by the not cooking part. Heating up/microwave/air fryer/toaster, crack on!

ps. My youngest child is not yet that age! My older children however are successful confident adults.

I'm in the UK, and believe me, many of us have raised competent, self reliant and responsible children!

Of course you can.

It's nothing to do with being in the UK, but a few very overprotective parents who convince themselves they are doing it for the good of their DC.

The experiences of my children are similar to yours. Both Duke of Edinburgh award expeditions and Food Tech GCSE are also things that 14 year olds would routinely do which involve cooking on their own.

At least this thread has now explained why my DD had to spend her first weeks at university teaching a couple of her flatmates things like how to cook pasta and to use the microwave. Clearly both too dangerous to do under the age of 18

Hopefully not long, at least for the oven, but he does get distracted and forget he’s cooking ( his sister is ND and I suspect he may have ADHD). For lunches when I’m working he’s always been fine making a sandwich or heating something up in the microwave, though I mostly wfh anyway.

God I’m glad my children aren’t growing up in the UK! What has happened to you there??

Mine have been taking themselves home from school and fixing snacks since they were eight. At 13 as scouts they’re expected not just to cook for themselves in their small groups, but to build the fireplaces with superstructures they cook on for a week!

The biggest risks you’re exposing your children to is bringing them up to be useless and helpless and afraid.

I agree, they should definitely be able to cook unsupervised at 14! We started ours of assisting at about 7-9, then cooking supervised after that until about 11ish. They need to learn to do this before it becomes essential, which includes all the safety aspects.
Unless a child has additional needs, they should be able to cook safely, unsupervised at 14, and know how to deal with it when something goes wrong.

Unless they have a disability or are vulnerable due to SEN, then no they should have been left along years ago.

I was doing a Saturday job at 13 and babysitting my much younger half-siblings at that age. Regularly came home from school to an empty house and then fed my sisters their tea. As did most of my peers.

I’d recommend some counselling if you haven’t let go of the reigns yet, OP. Your child needs to be allowed space to develop independence as it’s the foundation for self confidence as an adult.

Like others, I was babysitting at 14.

Unless the 14 year old has SEN, 14 is not an age at which cooking unsupervised should be considered to be a dangerous pursuit.

If they've never been allowed to do it (building up gradually from an earlier age) this is a sign of overprotective parenting.

@Justploddingonandon at what age will be be allowed to cook when alone in the house? Many people need to leave their secondary age DC alone al day some of the time in the school holidays (unless they wfh full time or don't work obvs). I cannot imagine banning them from cooking a pizza. What is going to happen – honestly?

Completely fine. My DD was babysitting other people’s kids at that age.

My 13 year old enjoys cooking and is generally pretty good at it, but does have a tendency to get distracted, so for this reason while I’m happy to stay out the kitchen and leave him to it I do insist on an adult being in the house if he’s using the hob or oven.

I think this should be a wake up call to review what else dc is being allowed or encouraged to do.

Can they cook a meal? Can they do a wash? Can they get a bus somewhere? Can they go to the shop and pick up basic bits for you? Can they do basic household cleaning?

Do they know what to do if there's a fire? Do they know what to do if the power goes out? Do they know what to do if someone they don't know knocks on the door?

Not to be patronising, but you know your anxiety is making you overthink leaving a 14.5 year old, there may be other areas it's impacting too and they'll be an independent adult before you know it.

If you can't leave a 14-year-old (with the exception of teenagers with disabilities, of course) alone for the night in my opinion you've failed at parenting on some level.

Ffs. Nearly 15 and can't be left alone? Ridiculous.

Yeh as @redskyAtNigh says, maybe teach the 14yo about cooking safely, accidents and what to do. Actually a long time before they are 14.

A young 14yo and an old 14yo? what on earth does it matter? honestly my dc cooked with minimal supervision way before the teenage years. If you have a DC who is NT and 14 and they cannot cook something for themselves safely – yes, make tea or coffee, cook pasta, warm up pizza, know not to stick a knife in the toaster – well I think you have other issues beyond going out for the evening.

And yes at what age would you allow them to cook? Honestly stunned by this comment. What on earth do you think is going to happen anyway?

And as for removing risks – you can't. You literally cannot. Children and indeed adults risk falling when going down the stairs. They risk a flood when they turn the taps on. They risk being run over when they cross the road. I assume a 14yo is allowed to do that? These risks are low (the road one feels the most likely tbh) and we learn to manage them and deal. Or we do if we are allowed to.

Knock yourself out. He will be fine on his own at home for a few hours.

Maybe you had to be part of his squad.

I would say as long as you trust they will be sensible then it’s absolutely fine. At that age I was looking after my 10 year old brother all day Saturday while parents were renovating a house. Just make sure that you’re contactable in an emergency/ they have other adults they can contact if help needed.

Was he? I didn’t get an invite

I think this is probably going to be more beneficial for you than you realise. I think you might be struggling a bit with the concept she’s growing up and doesn’t need supervision every minute anymore. I think you’ll get home and find her on the sofa with biscuits, watching whatever 14 yr olds watch, and having a lovely time, and it might make it easier for you to release those apron strings a little bit more.

A young 14 year old is different to an older 14 year old, they are all different as they are all offered different life experiences. It’s unfair to generalise.

yes of course you teach those skills but that is what an accident is, an accident and of course that’s what risk assessing is.

14 year old should be absolutely fine by themselves for a while I totally agree. I would still ask them not to cook whilst I’m not there.

this has to be a joke?

It's fine!

I was babysitting my two siblings and five families at 13 (not all at once 😂)

You know her best but your plan sounds more than reasonable...go out and have an amazing time!