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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can I leave 14.5 year old for a few hours without a babysitter?

157 replies

Stripes84 · 11/04/2026 11:35

My teen is 14.5 years old and used to being at home for a couple of hours on their own in the day/early eve. They are sensible. I am meant to be going out this eve but its around 30 mins away and I would be back around 11.30pm, leaving at around 6pm. We live in a safe road, with good neighbours either side. I have asked DC whether they would like me to ask one of my friends daughters (aged 21) to come and keep them company, or that they could go to their grandparents for the evening, they positively cringed at this suggestion and said they were very much looking forward to being on their own for a few hours with the TV/snacks/house to self. My neighbour on the one side (a lovely lady) has already agreed to be a contact person in case there is any emergency, and of course I would come straight back in the event of this anyway. I am not sure whether I am being ridiculously over the top/mollycoddling. Help, please, mumsnetters.

YABU - its fine for DC to be left!
YANBU - you should get sitter/person to keep company

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
cloudtreecarpet · 14/04/2026 17:07

Stripes84 · 14/04/2026 11:08

Thank you all for the kind and considered replies. Even the ones that weren't that nice were useful in making me realise I need to do more to encourage DCs independence. At 12 I was doing my own cooking, washing, looking after younger siblings, making my way to and from the town centre, staying in on my own etc. The reason that is not a useful bar for me is because I had to do it rather than have a parent around. I have massively overcompensated for this with my own kid, but the replies to my post the other day have made me realise I have not done them or myself any favours whatsoever! I went out and returned to a happy DC who asked when I would be going out again as they'd enjoyed having the house to themselves so much. 😅

Well done for giving it a try.

It's the start of a new era for both of you!

Original poster
Stripes84 · 14/04/2026 11:08

Thank you all for the kind and considered replies. Even the ones that weren't that nice were useful in making me realise I need to do more to encourage DCs independence. At 12 I was doing my own cooking, washing, looking after younger siblings, making my way to and from the town centre, staying in on my own etc. The reason that is not a useful bar for me is because I had to do it rather than have a parent around. I have massively overcompensated for this with my own kid, but the replies to my post the other day have made me realise I have not done them or myself any favours whatsoever! I went out and returned to a happy DC who asked when I would be going out again as they'd enjoyed having the house to themselves so much. 😅

OP posts:
timoteigirl · 12/04/2026 21:16

Considering in a few years time they can marry and get driving licence etc. I cannot believe this would be a genuine question.

clary · 12/04/2026 21:12

LBFseBrom · 12/04/2026 21:04

The op did give the age as 14.5.

They and them as used in the example you gave is fine and normal but it is very confusing when it appears so often, as it does in the op's first post. The teenager is a boy or a girl, a he or a she, not a 'them'.

Show quote history

Not sure what the age has to do with it.

Maybe the OP didn't want to sway opinion by revealing their child's sex. Or wanted to keep it private for other reasons. Not confusing to me.

LBFseBrom · 12/04/2026 21:04

clary · 12/04/2026 19:50

The OP is I presume not wanting to state the sex of their teenager. They and them as a generic non-gendered pronoun is in common usage (as in: “someone's left their coat on this chair”)

Show quote history

The op did give the age as 14.5.

They and them as used in the example you gave is fine and normal but it is very confusing when it appears so often, as it does in the op's first post. The teenager is a boy or a girl, a he or a she, not a 'them'.

clary · 12/04/2026 19:50

Ariana12 · 12/04/2026 18:55

How many DCs are you leaving on their own? It's a bit confusing as you quote a single age of 14 1/2 - mine were babysitting other children at that age- but you also mention they and them. Does this means there's another younger child in the equation I wonder?

Show quote history

The OP is I presume not wanting to state the sex of their teenager. They and them as a generic non-gendered pronoun is in common usage (as in: “someone's left their coat on this chair”)

caringcarer · 12/04/2026 19:12

Over 14 is fine to leave alone. As you say he's looking forward to having the TV remote to himself with snacks.

Wingingit73 · 12/04/2026 19:06

I think this is fine. Maybe for your peace of mind have regular texts and sort an emergency contact

Ariana12 · 12/04/2026 18:55

hazelberry · 11/04/2026 11:37

Of course it's fine.

Show quote history

How many DCs are you leaving on their own? It's a bit confusing as you quote a single age of 14 1/2 - mine were babysitting other children at that age- but you also mention they and them. Does this means there's another younger child in the equation I wonder?

ERthree · 12/04/2026 18:17

UnctuousUnicorns · 11/04/2026 14:34

Hell, yes, we left our then 15 year old DD home alone for three nights so we could enjoy a couples break. She practically shoved us out of the door! 😅

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I was 14 when i was left alone while my parents went to Malta on holiday. I went to school, i cooked my dinner and made sure the place was tidy. I survived. Some parents need to let go.

liveforsummer · 12/04/2026 09:46

Nocalmwaters · 11/04/2026 11:37

I know things have changed, but I think I was baby sitting at this age for much younger children! Also, definitely left for hours in the evening by myself while parents went out.

my dd is 16 now but has been babysitting since she was 13 and more regularly since 14. Perfectly fine OP I’d have done this in your circumstances with either of mine from about 11. Obviously depends on the individual dc but yours seems more than happy

Natsku · 12/04/2026 08:54

Of course its fine, at 14 my DD was babysitting her little brother including feeding him supper, brushing his teeth and putting him to bed, so the idea that she wouldn't be able to look after herself at that age is ridiculous.
And as for the no cooking idea, they ought to be able to cook some things unsupervised by that age if you've taken the time to teach them. DD uses the oven and the hob when she's home alone - when she's 16 she's going to be living independently so she needs plenty of practice before then.

Its good that you questioned yourself, its natural to feel apprehensive about your child developing more independence but it has to happen regardless.

Happinessislikeabutterfly · 12/04/2026 07:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Duvetdayneeded · 12/04/2026 06:17

Have a bit more faith and trust in your kid!!

Bones101 · 12/04/2026 02:12

I was a paid babysitter at 14 for 2 neighbouring families lol

PeloMom · 11/04/2026 23:24

If you’re that worried have your DC attend a first aid/ babysitter course where they cover what to do in case of emergency.

LBFseBrom · 11/04/2026 23:22

He or she will be fine as long as not nervous person, ie someone scared of the darjk, who hears things that go bump in the night, doesn't want to go upstairs alone very late I think you would know if that were the case (I was like that), your child has said he or she will be fine, accept it and enjoy yourself.

cloudtreecarpet · 11/04/2026 23:07

LandSsmum · 11/04/2026 19:29

Omg yes leave them! Your neighbour will keep an eye and they know how to reach you. The only reason I wouldn’t leave my 14yo is cos I also have a 6yo and babysitting feels like a bit too much

Really? Babysitting a 6 year old is "too much" for a 14 year old?
Why? At 14 a teenager is quite responsible surely?
Or does the 6 year old in question have needs that makes them particularly challenging?

cestlavielife · 11/04/2026 19:38

Surely they already go to from school.on their own etc? Of course is fine

Auburngal · 11/04/2026 19:36

I was 11/12 when I was left alone at home as my parents left for work early. My parents left about 7:15am and I left for school 8:25am.

My DM worked p/t so she was home 2pm about 97% of the time

LandSsmum · 11/04/2026 19:29

Omg yes leave them! Your neighbour will keep an eye and they know how to reach you. The only reason I wouldn’t leave my 14yo is cos I also have a 6yo and babysitting feels like a bit too much

TeenLifeMum · 11/04/2026 19:27

Monday and Tuesday I’m working so leaving 14yo twins (year 10 if that makes a difference) home from 8.30am to 6pm. Dd1 is 18 and might be home by 4.30 but I’ve not asked her to be. It never occurred to me it wouldn’t be okay. From 14 they should be fine surely?

Ponderingwindow · 11/04/2026 19:18

At 14.5 my dd could definitely handle a few hours in the evening alone. She has ASD. She still could handle a few hours alone in the evening.

OonaStubbs · 11/04/2026 19:12

My grandad was working down t'pit at 15. How far have we come when someone only 6 months younger needs a babysitter?

WildDenimDuck · 11/04/2026 17:10

A 14 year old could be the babysitter in this scenario! Absolutely fine.