My head is a bit all over the place. I had a very close friend at school. We did everything together and were very close. In our twenties our friendship ended. I had been mentally unwell as a result of some pretty heavy personal circumstances and spent some time in hospital. Thankfully I recovered and I’ve been well since, but sharing the news of my hospital stay and circumstances with my friend resulted in her being upset that I hadn’t told her about what had happened to me sooner and her then spreading my personal information to mutual friends and then ghosting me. It was incredibly hurtful, she was totally unsupportive and we didn’t speak again after she didn’t admit to how she really felt about me and then didn’t invite me to an event but invited everyone else we knew. I was just erased and it was clear she didn’t want me in her life anymore. Like I was dirty because of what I had gone through. Our mutual friends also dropped me like a stone. Writing that makes me feel horrible in all kinds of ways.
Fast forward 20+ years and as time has passed I have often thought of her, remembering her on her birthday and I have wished her well privately. I had considered reaching out to her one day but held back, hoping she would make the first move. I am still hurt by her rejection of me when I was vulnerable and unwell but had thought maybe time had made her realise she had treated me poorly and maybe she was sorry.
Well, any reconciliation is now never going to happen. I found out today that she passed away a few years ago in tragic circumstances. So whenever I have thought of her over the last few years she has actually been deceased.
It’s left me feeling all kinds of ways and I’m not articulating it well. I am incredibly sorry for her and her family. She had children who will now grow up without their Mum. I have so many photos and good memories of our friendship and I was wondering if it would be unreasonable to try to make contact with her husband to offer my condolences and find out whether he would like these, to share with their children as appropriate. I don’t know if he even knows about me at all, and if he does, how this offer will be received. I wouldn’t be discussing why our friendship ended, it would just be to do as stated - offer condolences and share memories. AIBU? God I just feel awful about it. I’m shocked by it, all kinds of feelings have resurfaced and I have realised she died only a few weeks after my Father, at the same hospital. I didn’t even know she lived locally to me (for years she had lived away, as had I). I have cried and feel totally awful.