10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

@WerewolfOfLoudon this is such a sad post.

OP has a massive playpen apparently, yet chooses to strap her child in a high chair while cooking, and then when she cries she gives her a screen to look at. At 10 months old. I know the world is a different place compared to when my kids were that age, but I find that baffling behaviour.

Personally I think screens are incredibly damaging to kids, they destroy imagination and are creating a generation of teens who can’t concentrate for longer than the duration of a tiktok. The longer a child can learn to manage without a screen, the better.

DH is an arsehole

and so are some of those replying to your thread.

you are doing nothing wrong OP

Nannies get to go home after they have finished their job. @ILoveFatFaceSocks is on duty 24/7. She is allowed to have a life too.

The 34% who agree with your DH are the men and the judgemental perfect mums @ILoveFatFaceSocks. Sounds like you are doing great to me, safest place for baby in a kitchen is strapped in a high chair. You keep her entertained instead of causing a hazard while you are cooking. Children have had screen time for decades.

If she started a thread saying “I leave my DD to play in another room while I cook…Is this OK” she’d have had as many comments, if not more telling her what an awful parent she was.

There will always be someone to come along and tell you that they sacrifice every minute of their existence to give their children the best possible experience, never stopping to have a drink or use the loo. But the reality is, most parent don’t, or can’t, live like that and their children will be just fine.

I think the independent play is actually a bonus. Parenting has become such a competitive art that far too many children are never left to play/investigate/imagine for themselves but are dragged form Monkey Music to baby swimming to football practice (in later years) to ballet to tennis coaching to Scouts to self-defence to gym to anything that can be called an "Improving Activity" except the one improvement young brains are intended by Nature to be making, which is learning to explore and occupy themselves.

The bit that I think is less good is having the TV on. There is a lot of evidence that having radio or tv in the background impacts developing concentration and language skills because their brains wire up to tune out the constant background noise.

Could you just chill on the sofa and have a cup of tea while DC plays?

Don't give yourself a hard time. And don't allow others to either. There will come a day, very very soon, that you will not get one sip of hot coffee for about the next 10 years. Enjoy your coffee now, with what sounds like a very content, easy going baby (except when in a highchair). You do what you need to do, to be the best mum you can be. Half an hour on the sofa with your morning coffee before kicking off the day is absolutely fine. Strapping baby in a highchair, where they are safe, and under your watch, while you cook for them is also, absolutely fine. And guess what? Being lazy sometimes, is also absolutely fine. There are going to be times you're run off your feet chasing a toddler around whatever activity you've organised. There are going to be days where you build the best blanket fort ever just for 5 minutes peace. Don't listen to these neurotic nutters that never let their children have screen time, never let them go a minute being unstimulated and bored. The ones who have never so much as sat down when baby is awake. Do you know what my kids absolute favourite game was when they were toddlers? They're one year apart btw, so I was exhausted.. The game was sleeping monsters. They'd break into my room in the morning when they woke up. I'd "pretend" to be a snoring, sleeping monster. They'd creep around the room, and dare to get close to the sleeping monster (who btw was 100% disco-napping) and if they got close enough, I'd catch them and tickle them (half asleep) and they would howl with laughter. Thought it was the best thing ever. They know now, that they're 15 and 16 that mum just wanted a bit more sleep. But they remember it fondly. Also, their absolute favourite "activity" out of the thousands of pounds spent on days out over the years, was to have a bath with mum because "your big butt makes the water go high" .. You can spend your last penny trying to entertain kids, you can exhaust yourself being a full on mum going 100mph every day, you can get up at 5am and bake sourdough from scratch and only eat organic and have baby permanently attached to you, and never watch TV, and only play with educational toys. Be as neurotic as you like. But all kids want is to have fun with their favourite person. The little years don't last for long, enjoy these little moments while they last. And enjoy the hot morning coffee while you can. Don't make it harder than it needs to be. Enjoy your time with your baby.

Oh! I’m showing my age! Mine are 17 and 14, they seemed to be the ‘must-have’ back when they were babies.

Same here, morning TV gives me an irrational rage! However OP, you are entitled to rest time, however that looks for you x

Why do you strap her in a high chair when you’re cooking? Then give her a screen to keep her quiet? Surely that’s the time for the play pen, while you’re cooking.

Also, if you’re so sure that what you’re doing is right, why did you start this thread?

Ignore your DH and the mumnetters wringing their hands. I think it’s fine. Great to teach baby independent skills to play on own and not to be reliant on others to entertain.

Also gives you breathing space to prepare for the day ahead.

Regard the kitchen - is it big enough to put playpen/travel cot in corner with toys in? That’s what I used to do when having to make meals. All my babies were happy to play in travel cot whilst I got on with making meals.

i would chat to them whilst cooking or put story tape/music on for them to listen to.

Do what works for you. If DH dislikes it so much, tell him that on the mornings he has your baby he can provide all singing dancing show minus the brew!

Good luck 🤞

You could have some nursery rhymes playing gently in the background, just so she doesn’t feel alone, it’ll also help with learning to - eventually - form words etc…

I don't think you are lazy. But you are being criticised by someone who doesn't walk in your shoes.. as mum of three now grown ups I did whatever worked. I sat and watched them (or tv ) while they played.. we had breakfast and got dressed and went out . My mums generation would strap us in a pram outside !! . Nobody can tell you that your doing it wrong.they don't come with rule books, just tired usually stressed mums . And if hubby says anything unhelpful...just pop on your coat and say I'll just leave this to you
And go for a walk .And don't apologise or make excuses for anything you do..its your child unless you are hitting the vodka and completely ignoring them . Do things your way . And good luck. Xx

I think it's whatever works for your mental health provided it's balanced

If your DH minds so much then maybe he can entertain baby while you cook /watch your morning Tv