10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

Some of the responses on here are nuts. There is another thread where people are actively telling the OP to put the baby down and let them play.

@ILoveFatFaceSocks have your coffee. A hot drink is a luxury as a parent and we need to look after ourselves.

I found being a Mum bloody lonely and often had the tv or radio on for background noise.

YANBU
People suggesting a walker which is vastly more restrictive and bad for babies development. In a play pen baby is safe, able to crawl, sit, stand and move about freely. Independent play is great for babies development.
Yes zero screen time would be perfect, but few people can be miss Rachel all day with no support.

Nannies and childminders get to get up in the morning in peace, have their coffee before starting work, then go home and watch TV and wind down, then get a full night's sleep. Parents dont, if OP wants a coffee in the morning like most people she has to do so while looking after the baby. Having a baby playing on you or pulling up on the coffee table is far less safe than being sat playing in a play pen.

OP some people are just martyrs for starters and alot of people on mumsnet either dont actually have children, or had children so long ago they look at it through rose tinted glasses and forget they were also human.

You're not doing anything wrong and you are entitled to have a coffee on the couch while baby is playing safely. On DHs next day off, get up at 7am, get dressed, pop your head around the bedroom door and inform him you are off out and will be back at 6pm, and expect dinner to be ready.
Then he might appreciate you slightly more

My babe also exclusively contact naps (8 months) so I know how tiring it can be. I also breastfeed her and she is a terrible night sleeper. I also think your husband is being a dick telling you you're being lazy, you're not imo.

That being said, I wouldn't have the TV on in front of her and I wouldn't be letting her watch Ms Rachel. She can also get whiney in the high chair when I'm making dinner so I try to distract her (narrate what I'm doing/sing etc.). I don't think there's anything wrong with you sitting having a 30 minute coffee in the morning, but I don't think watching the TV is right to be honest. Sometimes I do this if I'm exhausted but I just either read a book myself or sneakily check my phone.

It’s going to be a very very long 18 years for you if you’re interested in the opinions of other people about what you do in your house
I couldn’t give a flying fuck what anybody thinks about my parenting
Never could and it’s served me well through life

You said you were lying on the sofa, which gives the impression you were getting all comfy for a session of watching tv. Nothing wrong with sitting down drinking a coffee in the morning, I did the same when mine were young, but the lying down is probably not a good optic.

Sounds like you’re a brilliant,dedicated hard working mum who also understands that you need to look after yourself to be happy and well for your child. The fact he just popped in like some sort of visitor says it all. When he picks up 50% of the childcare then he can speak, though think he’d understand far more if he did.

Yup women should always be on the eternal treadmill and if not they should have people like you wagging your finger and telling them how fab you are and how rubbish they are. Nice one! 👍

You are a lovely mum. Don't let him spoil your happy times.

i can’t believe you have time to watch TV for 30/60 minutes. Don’t you have endless to do lists to attend to like the rest of us? Assuming you have a cleaner then as if I stopped for an hour break, the place would be a tip.

A lot of sanctimonious bullshit on this thread.

The kid spends 30 minutes in the morning in the play pen whilst OP gets a little chance to do something for her and feel more human.

The kid gets 15 minutes screen time in the evening whilst OP makes dinner.

That's all.

This is absolutely fine OP. I used to shove cartoons on in the morning for my two in our bedroom when they woke up so I could have my first cuppa in bed with them and not immediately have to get up and perform as Mum.

Guess what? They didn't turn out as delinquents. They are teen / pre teen and excelling in school, talented musicians, performers, doing DofE. They are polite and have never, once, been in trouble at school and rarely act up at home, if ever!

But based on the responses here I must have totally ruined their lives with that screen time 😄

Baby is happy and you get to chill out before a busy day. Nothing at all wrong with that. Some of these self righteous posters are just ridiculous and a lot of them have short memories.

Surely this is about what standards the OP would think are acceptable for childcare including that she does herself.

Personally I think playpen is last resort/quick

So is your DH going to do the occasional morning? Please do update us on what he does differently and how much better he is at this parenting lark, so we may learn from him. Does he take over at the weekend? We should be showing our DDs that we don't have to sacrifice ourselves on the alter of motherhood.

Independent play is important and so is your morning coffee so just enjoy it 🙏🏻

Screen time isn't the end of the world if it’s appropriate. My 14 month old and I established a habit of watching the baby club in the mornings just after our breakfast. It’s 15 mins. From that she learnt how to clap/dance/say the word bubble/recognised the program and gets excited amongst many other things.

Of course he’s not right. But he took you off guard with his silly and thoughtless remark. As others have commented, context is everything, but if his remark was in any way critical, pointed or judgemental as opposed to being flippant and lighthearted, then beware - you’re in the company of a controlling know-it-all, who actually knows f#k all. Certainly f#k all about parenting and Motherhood. You need to watch out for behaviour like this creeping in to your life together. Don’t EVER tolerate him speaking to you like that. And if you feel confident enough … given that he’s ‘wfh’ … you might want to point out his own little ‘downtimes’ . I’m pretty sure you won’t have far to look !

Honestly I don’t think I would have the tv on first thing in the morning in front of a 10mo.

I’m all for mum enjoying her morning coffee but tv habits start early.

@ILoveFatFaceSocks does dh ever have dd for a full day alone or a few hours?

Different people have different ideas of what’s acceptable and Mumsnet is also full of parents that swear their children have never seen a tv and can spell their ridiculously middle class name by 6 months old and earn 100k by a year. They’re simply far superior to you and I.

however, notice how the man moaning about your laziness isn’t even getting up with you to look after his own kid? He’s being stupid and you need to watch out for the type of partner he will become and the type of partner you need and deserve. I suspect the gap between those two will grow and you’ll be a single mother with a husband before you realise.

@ILoveFatFaceSocks my ds1 was watching tv at weeks old. He was a top reader from being very young and could have a conversation before 2. He was classed as gifted at school. Has done a degree and has read so many books over the years I couldn't count them. He's sociable and has a fantastic nature. Ds2 hardly watched tv and spoke late. He isn't as academic but has done well and also has a lovely nature.
Yes I was wrong letting ds1 watch tv so young. But as a first time parent I was learning. It didn't harm ds1 (luckily). But he wasn't a great sleeper in the first few months although he did have colic. I breast fed him for a year so was probably doing something wrong there? He settled once on solids.

What you're doing doesn't sound bad at all. Your dd sounds like a happy baby.

I think we always feel guilty with dcs no matter what we do. Or at least dms do. Or I presume dads if they're the main carer. Unless you're one of those perfect parents 😉

Well I like to comfort my child when they wake up crying during the night. I fell into the desperate trap thinking I could fix his sleep because others told me it was possible but it was awful and I regret I even tried

That's wonderful news.

There's some nonsense on this thread.
When ours were tinies, I thank my lucky stars that DH used to bring me a cup of tea in bed and the baby at 6am; later the baby and toddler. Then, at about 6.45 he used to go to work, on the tube, and stay there until he came home at 9pm. He missed so much, he really did: he missed the tantrums, sometimes mine, the occasional pig lazy day, the cake on the carpet, etc.

To be fair once dd came along, it was out of the house by 8.35 to take DS to nursery but the TV was on albeit CBeebies and the DC got dressed to CBeebies until they grew out of it. They had their first DS thingies (screens) at about 6 and the peace it gave me was bloody wonderful. They didn't just learn about pokemon: they learnt about elements (nature), "characteristics (psychology), to spell their long names and write stories about them, to win points and decide what earned more points (maths).

With a diet of reading (mythology, literature, poetry), painting, play, park, sandpit, playgroup, story time, etc, screens have their place. We loved Telly Tubbies, Auntie Mabel, Big Cook Little Cook, Thomas, Rosie and Jim, etc, usually first thing to buy me time to tidy up and get some slap on.

My DC were usually grubby, usually happy, certainly never slept 7 to 7, and were allowed sweets after tea. I recall DS stayed up to watch the early series of I'm a Celebrity, get me out of here and often wasn't in bed before 10pm (up at 6ish though). Neither needed much sleep and had me up multiple times in the night.

They started reception knowing their letters and numbers, and very much else, and were free reading by their 6th birthdays. Despite their shocking, neglectful toddlerhood, and access to screens. DS had a mobile aged 13; dd aged 11 and their own laptops aged 10/11, DS did his first degree at Oxford, DD at Cambridge.

@ILoveFatFaceSocks very gently, by all means have a coffee and chill with the TV on at 8am, but sit up and perhaps find something age appropriate. I recall East Enders coming on at 2pm when mine were little and not realising straight away. The swearing, screaming insults and physicality were so dreadful I wrote to the BBC because it was inappropriate before the watershed. It is not something a baby/toddler/child should be watching. I'm not opposed to screens - they are a significant part of 21st Century Life but it's important to be mindful abiut what is on the screens.

Jeez, I can’t believe sone of the holier-than-thou comments on here. Ignore, ignore,

i think you sound absolutely fine, normal and, above all, human.
As PPs have said, if 30 minutes of ‘down time’ while your baby is happily abd safely playing helps you to be a better parent for the rest of the day, brilliant.
It sounds like DH may benefit from having sole care of DC when you go away for a weekend soon…that might help temper the idea of ‘lazy’ parenting.

Lazy is such an emotive word. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint! You have to pace yourself and be able to fit in cooking and cleaning as well as looking after yourself too and all the myriad of things for the baby’s development and well being but a happy, mentally well mum with a secure attachment trumps all of that.