10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

I agree, no TV sitting down having a coffee is fine. I have the same regrets and it’s a shame that health visitors instead of being very judging and just discussing weight and feeding and literally nothing else to help you. At least that was my experience and not seeming all that friendly and supportive either. They could advise on such things but they don’t. It’s like they’re dealing with the lowest common denominator issues and that’s all.

I don't really get why it's an issue if you have a happy baby.

I had a travel cot as a playpen but my lounge was pretty much baby proofed so I used to sit on the sofa with my coffee whilst they roamed around.

Playpen was used for periods where I needed to go do jobs upstairs like clean the bathrooms/put washing away.

The kitchen is next to the lounge and had a baby gate so I would either use the playpen or just leave them in the lounge. I can't see the whole room at a glance but I can easily poke my head through the door and I also have ears.

They both also had screen time especially those 5am starts when I was heavily pregnant with #2. I would attempt to put #1 in bed with me and put cbeebies on to give me that bit longer, I worked evenings then too so I was so tired. I still can't hear Baby Jake without having flashbacks to those nornings...

We made it through and now they are 8 and 10 and haven't yet turned into delinquents but I guess there is still plenty of time. I still do things that would horrify people, they play out on the estate without me and my youngest made me a cup of coffee yesterday (I carried it back upstairs to bed though) I also let them use the air fryer too and they are no longer supervised in the bath, they even run it themselves now.

As parents there is no black and white, we can only do what is best for us and our children. What works for one family wouldn't work for another, if what you are doing works for you then carry on doing it as long as there is no neglect going on (which there isn't)

What do you mean the TV doesnt need to be on? OP wants it on because she likes watching it. Women are allowed to do things they enjoy you know, even when they're mothers.

OP if you were a man doing all this, you'd get nothing but praise, and it would mostly come from other women, so ignore the ridiculous sexist double standards. Some people think women only exist to serve others and grind themselves into the ground.

I'll get shot down for this here, but anywhere other than Mumsnet I would say 95% of people would agree with you...

Good grief there are some sanctimonious mums on here. I am going to freely admit that my kids had Peppa Pig and CBeebies on a loop. They danced to Zingzillas and Mr Tumble. I would play with them, but I would also lie on the sofa or floor while they crawled over me. I would feed them in front of the Tv as well (clutches pearls). They even used my IPad to play toddler games!

Guess what, they are both teens now, happy, sociable, hard working, smart and fun to be around. I have had a pretty easy ride from them as they are lovely. They will be off to Uni soon.

People who tell you they live entirely tuned into their baby, playing and stimulating them every waking hour are probably not being truthful. days are long, babies are boring, and that is why nurseries are a great thing if you are just not that kind of mum.

It really depends what else are you doing all day? Are you making sure she has activities and stimulation going out for walks seeing things doing some play and conversation with her? Of course you should feel able to sit down for half an hour and have a coffee.

I also have a 10 month old, TV is off all day, I only watch TV when she goes to bed at night. When I need to entertain her while I'm cooking I pop her in her highchair and give her some fruit/put the toniebox on, I really don't think there's any need to put kids tv/ms Rachel on when they're so young.

Playpens are also a big no no in our house, I believe babies need the freedom to explore

I get why you strap her in the highchair whilst you cook dinner but I do think this is what you need to change, it's not really fair for her to be so restricted for what could be an extended period of time. When mine were that age I would have them in the kitchen and give them something to amuse them, preferably something they don't usually play with (Tupperware boxes were a big hit) it was annoying having to keep an eye on them while you're cooking but it's necessary in my opinion.

I also never had a play pen, not saying you're wrong for having one but at this point I'd probably get rid of it and just let her explore without it.

Absolutely fine.

Ms Rachel was the best babysitter I ever did find for doing little jobs around the kitchen and making dinner 😄

Independent play is really beneficial for babies and a little smidge of you time to set you up for the day in my opinion makes for a happier mama and baby overall. I do similar with my little one who is 9mo, he plays best independently in the morning so he has a little time after his bottle and I either have a coffee and catch up on something, or do some bits and bobs for half an hour. Men who don’t stay home often have no idea. My partner had a similar view that it was easy, and then I went back to work on weekends and he now sees it is not 😂 and he uses “independent play time” far more than I do!

Can't believe people are calling you lazy.

It's important that you have time to regulate and charge up for the day as well. Happy mum = happy baby. If you are stressed and overstimulated by constantly being "on", then you can't be a good mum when you do interact and take baby out etc.

Some independent play is also good for their development! Obviously interspersed with plenty of interaction and outings etc but you are doing that too. I always have my morning coffee whilst DS plays on the floor.

2-4 hours of independent floor play time per day is absolutely fine at this age and actually good for them (broken up into smaller chunks of course - 30-60 mins at a time).

I wouldn't do the Miss Rachel in the high chair but that's just personal preference, I'm sure it's not doing any harm. I just don't put DS in the high chair until it's time to eat, but we have an open plan kitchen/ living space which probably makes that easier!

Honestly don't worry OP, you're doing great.

I used to do exactly the same (except no playpen, I just shut the living room door and she played whilst I watched the TV and had my coffee). I’ve never been a morning person and needed that time to psych myself up for the day ahead. DD is now 10. She is intelligent, kind, sociable, doing super well at school and excels in sports, dance and music and given the choice spends her free time playing outdoors or writing stories about her teddies, so I seem to have managed not to raise a screen addict or lazy child. Her twin siblings came along when she was 18 months and they are similarly active and engaged in the world.
you continue to enjoy your coffee and do all the lovely things you are doing with your little girl. It passes so quickly!

The only way to fix this with DH is to go out next Saturday morning first thing and leave him in charge for the day. Remind him she is not allowed any TV and he is not allowed to leave her in the playpen without an adult playing her. Then ask him to report back.

People who don’t have babies who contact nap simply do not understand how exhausting it is. You NEED that coffee and tv time. People who plonk their baby in a crib for naps and overnight have zero concept of how much of yourself you have to give to your child when they need contact to sleep. You are not lazy, you are in an almost 24/7 parenting mode. Your husband is being a jerk, I’m sure he gets a coffee and reads the news at his desk in the morning

10 months is a bit too young to watch tv alone. Can you try putting high chair in sight of you in the kitchen and giving her a breadstick to suck on while you cook.

This. One thousand times, this.

I’m not really sure why the need for the play pen repeatedly? If you’re right there and ready to interact with her? And it does appear a lot of screen time for a child.

Personally I think 60 mins is too long.... 30 mins is plenty of time to make, have a coffee and sit and scroll or watch TV. I can't say I watched TV whilst my little one was awake, but he wanted constant interaction. An hour is a very long time for a baby.

I contact napped too and that's when I had my down time, a cuppa and tv on low volume.

I definitely wouldn't give a 10 month old a phone though... try to get the suction toys and pop some nursery rhymes on in the background. Give her some fruit or veg to snack on too to keep her semi occupied while you're making dinner.

In the mornings, can your DH not take her for 30 minutes and give her the bottle etc so you can have a few mins to yourself before.the day starts?

I wouldn't say it's lazy per se, but I do think 60 mins is a very long time.

Lazy for having half an hour or an hour in the morning for a coffee. You strike me as judgemental and horrible but you do you.

@Theonethatlurks presumably you were not engaging adequately with your DC in other ways if they were that far behind. Were you reading to them, teaching them sounds, talking about colours, talking to them as you went along, in simple ways: "look at the buds on the trees, look at the yellow daffodils, mummy is warming your milk, milk comes from animals" blah, blah.

I would try to avoid looking at a phone for as long as you can. It’s a slippery slope because it’s then when you’re out somewhere that she can look at your phone whilst waiting for food, then watching a phone so you can enjoy being out etc. I’m a reception teacher and the amount of children who can’t sit at a table and just eat is shocking. I know it feels a long way off for you but start as you mean to go on.

Children under 2 should have no screen time AT ALL. So yeah an hour every morning and then more again whilst your cooking is way too much. If you carry on doing it, she will never be interested in playing with her toys because her brain is addicted to screentime. You say she won't sit nicely in the highchair without mrs Rachel, well that's because she's addicted! Your husband is correct here but then he needs to be pulling his weight too so that the 2nd parent is him and not the screen

I voted YABU as I have never liked putting babies in front of TV. If she is happy to play independently as you say - then the tv doesn’t need to be on .
I think it is lazy parenting yes. So I would agree with your husband here .

The effects of screen time on under 3s is really bad.

Is it really though?

My daughter was a fan of CBeebies from about 9 weeks - she had horrific colic and the only thing that would distract her was The Shiny Show...her first word (aside from mama, dada etc) was actually 'shiny' 😂. She also used to play with the telly on first thing while I had coffee and woke up when she was a bit older as she would wake at 5-5.30am.

She's now 21, about to graduate from a Russel Group uni and then heading to London School of Economics to do her Masters for which she's been awarded a scholarship.

I'm guessing a few puppets and some foil wrapped fruit as a baby hasn't addled her brain too much!

OP, I wonder if your DH's issue is the time of day - it's a bit of an unusual one for a 'break' but if it works around your schedule and DD's needs then it is what it is.