10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

Does your DH do any of the mornings with his DD? Or any childcare?
Take a mummy day off and see how he gets on with the cooking, housework and childcare - all of it.

Actually self soothing is a very important skill.
I'm not a nan I'm a much more recent mum and I've watched as all the mums who didn't let their baby ever fuss, co-slept, contact napped now have primary aged children who are crap sleepers, because no they never did get much better or learn to get to sleep by themselves. As a result their kids struggle to regulate their emotions as they are constantly shattered.
Whereas the mums I knew who prioritised good independent sleep habits early on have reaped the rewards long term with happy, well adjusted and well rested kids who are thriving.

@ILoveFatFaceSocks my DD was/is the same at night, in the end i took one side off her cotbed and wedged it between my bed and the wall like a big side sleeper, the cotbed was pretty much the same height as my bed so when she woke i could slide her over into my bed feed her (breastfed) and then slide her back once she was asleep, also stopped the worry of her rolling off the bed, she is 2 now and falls asleep in her own bed but will get out and crawl in with us half way through the night, i don’t know why because she is so restless in with us but doesn’t want to go back to her own bed 🥱.

Independent play is important for development, we didn’t have a playpen just because living room is so small but I always put DS down on a mat or with some toys while I had a coffee in the morning, he’s now a toddler who can entertain himself while I get on with some odd jobs.

10 months is a tricky age for making dinner as they are probably too big to comfortably have in a sling while you cook but by that time of the day both of you are tired and independent play is harder, you are touched out etc. my only advice there really is prep some stuff to freeze or make it earlier in the day so you can only take 10 mins.

would also definitely recommend going out at 4pm is on a weekend day and leaving DH to it so he experiences what it’s actually like!

Two things are true

1. your husband is being a dick
2. the right amount of screen time for a 10mo is zero. Sorry :-(

i haven’t read the whole thread but it sounds like you are doing an amazing job! I was a SAHM for a few years when my children were babies and every Saturday I would get up drive to our nearest city and stay out all day. I would just mooch around the shops, grab a sandwich for lunch and go home by 6ish with a takeaway. It absolutely saved my sanity and it taught my DH how hard it was to be at home with a young baby and toddler.
My children are very close to their Dad and him being hands on really cemented their relationship.
Tell him to do one! If you separated he’d would have to look after your child all on his own some. What a twat!

Yes, in most cases new young mums do know best to be honest. They tend to be more up to date with current advice than somebody who had babies 30 + years ago.

Sorry if that annoys you or you think you should be able to pass on pearls of wisdom like letting your baby cry to sleep so they "self sooth", or thinking that feeding them solids mean they won't wake up 🥴.

I am not a morning person. I need an hour to find the will to live lol. If this is what keeps you sane amd baby's happy and clean and fed; I say enjoy it while it lasts because it won't last long. Take care and enjoy your coffee and bit of grounding in the morning.

A lot of self righteous martyrs on this thread. Be careful you don't slip from that high perch you find yourselves on...

Sounds to me like he needs to spend the day looking after his baby. Do it. At the weekend- take off for the day and leave him with the baby. Then ask him for a detailed itinerary of his day and pick holes in it.
Because no one who cares for a baby spends all of their waking hours interacting with them. And if they are, they are going to end up with a child who has no idea how to just ‘be’ and to entertain themselves. Janet Lansbury talks about this, the need to just let babies and children play on their own. Supervised obviously (depending on age), but completely controlling their own play.
The people who disagree with OP and the idiot who said you are lazy- how?why? She lets the baby play by herself for 30-60 minutes while she has a coffee and watches TV. With toys, not in front of a screen. This baby doesn’t nap. Then she has a screen for a short time while OP cooks. The rest of the time OP is playing and interacting with her daughter? Do none of you ever have a tea/coffee and a sit down? I suppose your ten month olds are cooking with you? Chopping the veggies and draining the pasta? How do you get housework done? But you perfect parents probably have babies who nap for 2.5 hours a day and that’s when you have your downtime. Seriously, I despair of some of you judgemental c*s.

thats annoying. I need breaks in the day too and let my child play independently whilst I have a coffee or do chores. I am very much ‘in’ throughout the day. How does a typical day when he does full card look… mine asked how do I hear up baby porridge today….

OP you need to sort out the sleep issues. 1pm is quite late for baby's first nap at 10 months old if she hasn't had any morning nap at all. Prob the reason she then will only settle on you is she's overtired. And you need to get the night sleep sorted, what time are you putting her to bed as if baby is in bed at 7 why can't you go to bed at 9 and get a decent chunk of sleep in before she starts waking?

IP I have the same thing with my 10-month old. I have a floorbed (mattress on the floor) with no duvet etc. if she rolls off its so low it doesn't hurt her. Definitely try it if you need to co-sleep. Much safer than a normal bed x

Honest opinion? Absolutely fine to have in the playpen playing while you relax, but not great having crappy tV in the background.

Your doing the right thing
the problem is some people NEVER put there child down they cause an unhealthy dependency and make a rod for there own back
before ours were mobile just used to lay them on a mat with a few toys they’d gurgle , kick and amuse themselves
made a point of not always being in there eyeline
both ours were incredibly chilled and easy to settle I’m sure this helped

Sounds like you are doing a good job- a soft start and chill for yourself before giving all your energy to DD for the rest of the day.
what would people prefer? That op got up and started activities with DD and then burnt out by 11am? Mums mental health is important!
I also felt the house lonely with just me and one baby so I’d put tv on for a bit of background noise too.

For me here the big question is... It is 30 min or 60min. There's quite a big difference, 20-30 while you drink a coffee isn't so bad, 60min with the TV on (and I'd wager most mornings it's 60 min, not 30, as you've said 9am she has her breakfast so blates this is 8-9 every day) and I bet your baby is actually only 'happy playing with toys' for a full hour because the tele is on and it's stimulating her due to the bright lights, changing picture. So while you prob aren't considering it 'screen time' it effectively is.
Eg why does she need to be in her playpen for this? Why can't you pop her on the sitting room floor with toys while you drink your drink?

Also, you need to get her napping not on you. Otherwise when she goes to nursery/childcare you are going to have real difficulty with her not napping at childcare and coming home exhausted and being really difficult at bedtime due to overtiredness. Not to mention you'd have so much more time for yourself - eg at 10 months mine would have napped for about 45-60min in the morning and often about 90min - 2hr at lunch/early afternoon. It meant I could clean and tidy, have a really nice lunch break for myself with a hot cuppa and a bit of tv or a book, then do a bit of dinner prep eg chop a few veggies or make a dish that just had to be bunged in the oven. It meant I had less to do later on when they were fussy.

You need to put the work in getting the naps sorted out.

I think where you say play pen, I imagined a travel cot type sized pen but you described something much bigger. So it’s basically “AIBU to let 10month old DD have some down time and play with her toys/bumble around while I watch her and have a coffee for 30-60 mins in the morning with the tv on?”. I think yanbu at all and in fact it’s really good for babies to have time where they entertain themselves. I think your DH hasnt had to do your job for a period of time so doesn’t understand that sometimes you need a bit of head space. She gets playing time, trips out and baby groups, cooked food (you wouldn’t need ms Rachel if you were shoving pizza in!), independent play time, contact naps and a close bond. Plus you’ve found a way to build in a bit of downtime for yourself so you don’t burn out despite the night wakings and contact naps. It sounds to me like you’re doing a great job.

The saying “there’s no way to be a perfect parent but there are a million ways to be a good one” springs to mind. I think your DH is actually being quite unfair. Does he pitch in with parenting and household jobs?

People are getting off the point a bit here. OP has a 'D'H problem, no problem whatsoever with how she spends her day with her DD. How about you leave your 'D'H to look after DD on his own for a week, see how 'lazy' he is then. Stand your ground OP, babies change so quickly then you're onto the next thing. Teaching her she can entertain herself is gold dust and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

@ILoveFatFaceSocks I'm not sure if you're new here, but to enlighten you if so, a lot of posters have very poor reading comprehension skills. They're surmising from your posts that your poor wee baby is trapped in a 1m x 1m playpen being forced to watch Bold and the Beautiful reruns for hours on end.

A baby happily playing with their toys, while being supervised by mum, is absolutely fine.

Your DH on the other hand, can get fucked with his passive aggressive comments.

Your DH is a complete dickhead. How often is he looking after her?

I was totally with you to begin with but then you said up to an hour, which I think is too long. I’d take 20-30 minutes to have your coffee and wake up then start the morning together having breakfast etc. The rest of your day sounds lovely. Screens are very over stimulating for little children so I always avoided turning on until mine had gone to bed.

Sounds fine to me, i like to enjoy my morning coffee too, its the only coffee i can drink before it goes cold lol xx

Parenting is so hard- the baby stage is not easy. If you are managing to get some time to rest and have a coffee, that's amazing! No one should make you feel bad for that! It doesn't even matter what the rest of your day is like or what other people's routines are- you're managing to get an hour of calm time where your baby is happily playing and you can have a coffee and watch tv. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I never had that with any of mines but I 100% would have taken it had they let me! Long may it continue for you- enjoy your coffee 🙂 Oh and your husband should not be saying any of that- he obviously doesn't understand how hard it is looking after a baby. You're doing a great job and he shouldn't be shaming you for taking a small bit of time while the baby is calm!