10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

Why isn't her dad either cooking or playing with her whilst you cook? How late does he wfh until?

It’s absolutely fine to watch Tv and have a cuppa while baby is playing independently, they don’t need constant interaction and helicoptering. Even if you did want to have a ‘lazy’ day or a few hours where you don’t feel up to going out, that is also absolutely fine, you are doing enough the rest of the time, it does not have to be non stop activities and being out and about every single day!

It’s absolutely fine to watch Tv and have a cuppa while baby is playing independently, they don’t need constant interaction and helicoptering. Even if you did want to have a ‘lazy’ day or a few hours where you don’t feel up to going out, that is also absolutely fine, you are doing enough the rest of the time, it does not have to be non stop activities and being out and about every single day!

Drop the second nap, she will be grouchy and irritable for an hour or so around nap time but then get a second wind, my DD always gets grouchy at about 3/4 as she is tired but we push through and shes fine by dinner time (5 o’clock) bit of food seems to pep her up a bit, she then starts flagging again at 6:30 so we take her up for bath and teeth brushing and that pushes her through to bedtime at 7, she goes to sleep in her own bed ok, although we have recently stopped the bedtime breastfeed so she can take up to an hour but with breastfeed she would be asleep within 15mins, she will sleep for 3-4hours before she wakes which is good for her- she used to wake every hour.
i don’t ‘self soothe’ in the night, i put her in a single bed when she was 1 so i could lie down in her bed to feed her and then sneak back to my own bed after (sometimes i would end up falling asleep in her bed) but either way i was able to get some sleep and she stayed in her own bed, now she is bigger she sneaks into our bed in the night but thankfully we have a super king so she/we have plenty of space, do whatever makes the night easier and you can get some sleep, my logic is one day i can explain to her and she will understand she has to go back to her bed/stay in her bed but until then i need sleep so do whatever i can to make that easier xx

Oops sorry my post has glitched 😳

First post nails it. Op grab every bit of a break you can, people try to make you feel guilty but then don’t help when you’re on the ground from running about all the time!! Say to him you get a lunch break don’t you?

Sounds like across the week your baby gets plenty of interaction, social time, fresh air and educational activity in general. None of us are perfect parents. Taking some time to yourself in the day whilst baby entertains themselves for 20/30 mins is useful.
Only you know what balance is provided so it’s hard for anyone to say 100%.

2 questions:
How often does DH look after DD alone and what does he do for the daily routine?
Any chance DH resents you ‘relaxing’ at home due to his views/expectations on women?

Children find it hard to be bored now, a bit of non-entertained free time is important for development also! Age and stage dependent

Is the playpen more a room divider type thing, so you have cordoned off an area of the lounge that is a safe space for your DD?

How much parenting does your DH do?

How will you split parenting/chores when you are back at work?

OP, stop justifying yourself to those sanctimonious cows who are telling you its the height of laziness to drink a coffee in peace in the morning, while your baby plays next to you. Honestly...some of you lot are just horrible people. I swear Mumsnet never used to be like this 🙄

Op you are entitled to have a chill out especially in the morning your not a robot as for the playpen she’s happy and safe she can see you so all is fine. Op your dh sounds like a twat tbh how often does he get up and take care of her for the day. Being a mum is hard work and we all need a break it’s not like you’re ignoring her. Do what you need to wake up as it gets harder as they get older and on the move.

So he shouldn't have to parent because he works? Don't be ridiculous.

It’s absolutely fine to watch Tv and have a cuppa while baby is playing independently, they don’t need constant interaction and helicoptering. Even if you did want to have a ‘lazy’ day or a few hours where you don’t feel up to going out, that is also absolutely fine, you are doing enough the rest of the time, it does not have to be non stop activities and being out and about every single day!

This concept of children needing to be entertained 24/7 is ridiculous. The child is happily playing independently in a safe environment, while mum has a coffee and some free time before the day begins. The idea of children actually being autonomous and making play themselves was paramount when mine were young. Today, children are incapable of entertaining themselves and my Grandchildren are a typical example of this. They expect mum to be in every aspect of their play. My friends and I used playgrounds, play dates and parties etc., as an opportunity for some free time ourselves. Today the interaction is bordering on obsessive. Children have lost the ability to play and interact on their own. It is not lazy to grab a bit of free time and it also enables the child to be comfortable with in their own company and enact and use their imagination for play scenarios.

It’s absolutely fine to watch Tv and have a cuppa while baby is playing independently, they don’t need constant interaction and helicoptering. Even if you did want to have a ‘lazy’ day or a few hours where you don’t feel up to going out, that is also absolutely fine, you are doing enough the rest of the time, it does not have to be non stop activities and being out and about every single day!

It’s absolutely fine to watch Tv and have a cuppa while baby is playing independently, they don’t need constant interaction and helicoptering. Even if you did want to have a ‘lazy’ day or a few hours where you don’t feel up to going out, that is also absolutely fine, you are doing enough the rest of the time, it does not have to be non stop activities and being out and about every single day!

Some of the responses on this thread are unhinged - morning coffee sounds fine to me OP! I have a 9 month old and you best believe I'm having a coffee with BBC Breakfast news on while he's playing with his toys. If he decides to look up and watch the news too then more power to him, would mean he's more up-to-date with current affairs than most of the population!

My DS used to be similar with the high chair while I cooked- it's less of an issue now because we did some sleep training for naps (which no doubt some MNers would tear me apart for) so I have time to cook while he sleeps - but I used to put some foam tiles on the kitchen floor and place him in a floor seat with an activity table or an inflatable baby nest. That would entertain him for around 10 minutes...!

MN is full of people who post as an attempt to prove that they're better than everyone else. I don't see how anyone can judge a parent of a safe, happy and healthy child. We're all just out here trying to do our best.

Re DH - I suggest you head out for half a day and leave baby with dad, then he can see for himself.

Totally fine to sit and relax with a coffee for half an hour or whatever. Your husband is out of order calling you lazy for doing that.

I'd try and rethink the TV/screen time though. Can you enjoy your coffee without the TV on? Can you and your husband not take it in turns to entertain the baby (or start bath and bed time) while the other one cooks? The baby can have your previous night's dinner reheated or something quick and simple/something from the freezer if that isn't suitable.

As an aside, maybe have a think about nap time. 2 naps sounds about right for a 10mo but 1pm and 4pm both feel quite late in the day. Possibly bringing both earlier (gradually if necessary) might help?

I’m not talking about all day but just the mornings.
Once he starts work then OP would take over.

OP is the SAHP whilst DH is at work but when he’s not then it’s 50/50.

He doesn’t get to not parent at all just because OP is on maternity leave.

What does he do when he wakes up? out of bed, shower, straight into work, without breakfast or coffee? Or does he have the chance to wake up in a leisurely way, while still in bed? We all have our morning routines, I am 75 and have no children, but I do have a dog, so get up, let the dog out, feed him when he comes in from the garden, then I make my coffee and relax and wake up, I don't have the TV on in the morning because I don't like to, but that's my preference.

If he took over, who would be working and earning to keep three people?

What is Ms Rachel ? Government guidance says no screens for under 2s. But the rest of it sounds fine. If your morning TV is your only chance for downtime and DD is happy playing I can’t see the problem

@ILoveFatFaceSocks you are doing great.

Your DH on the other hand sounds useless. No night wakings, can’t look after her for 10 minutes whilst you cook dinner. Critical of something perfectly normal. Time for him to step up.

In fact I’d plan to go out tomorrow all day. Let’s see how he does on his own.

So many self righteous people on here, you love your baby and are doing your best by her, ignore the narky comments. Your husband sounds like an arse though tbh. If you look up baby wake windows by age it really helps getting them into a solid nap and sleep schedule. I swear by it with all of mine, however I totally appreciate some babies struggle with sleep more, your'e doing great dont overthink judgemental comments especially from your husband x

Op would it be right to presume you do the night wakes? Or does he? At what point do you get time to yourself where he has sole responsibility of dc? Are there times where he goes out and you're on your own with dc at evenings or weekends. Sorry if I've missed it

Another one saying you are fine and YANBU.
If DH is worried about DC, he can entertain her while you wake up slowly with your morning coffee.