10 month old DH said i am being lazy.

Baby is very chill first thing after her milk so it allows me to have that coffee and watch eastenders while she plays! So thats why I do it then. I am usually up half the night or not slept right other half with dd next to me so I have earned it. But I dont need to earn anything. Do I question if dh has worked hard enough at work to earn his morning coffee. Since becoming a mum I have noticed how very different it is for men and women. Its absolutely nuts.
Plus after carrying baby for 9 months, giving birth, etc why dont I automatically earn a morning coffee anyway?? Its a fecking coffee. Not an all inclusive holiday to Maldives!

Baby is very chill first thing after her milk so it allows me to have that coffee and watch eastenders while she plays! So thats why I do it then. I am usually up half the night or not slept right other half with dd next to me so I have earned it. But I dont need to earn anything. Do I question if dh has worked hard enough at work to earn his morning coffee. Since becoming a mum I have noticed how very different it is for men and women. Its absolutely nuts.
Plus after carrying baby for 9 months, giving birth, etc why dont I automatically earn a morning coffee anyway?? Its a fecking coffee. Not an all inclusive holiday to Maldives!

Getting fed up saying playpen is big. Its takes up nearly whole room. Its crazy that people are telling me how shit I am for allowing screen time but then recommending walkers. Make it make sense!! So basically if livingroom didnt have play pen she would be crawling around same space but not in playpen and be around more risks.

Morning. No tv this morning for me.. esstenders isnt on during the weekend, shame 🙈
To answer some questions, dh sometimes takes dd while I cook dinner but he always appears with her "let's see what mummy is doing" she then becomes unsettled and wants me. So sometimes I crack on with tv and just tell him what time it'll be ready.
Dinners: she sometimes has what we have which is a time-saver but she usually has her own meals as its healthier. This is because sometimes we will just have something quicker, burgers and chips etc. I usually put alot of effort into dd meals, home made always. Altho i do believe sometimes i overcomplicate and less elaborate, etc. She does have our meals if we have curry, spag bol, etc. But dh is vegeterian and I was happy not eating meat before dd so we werent having to cook two meals but since having dd I now cook lots of meat as she isnt being raised a vegeterian. Its also reminded me how much I like meat! No matter how much dh says, quorn does not take like beef. So some days I am cooking two meals, something for me and dd and then something for him.
Why dont I cook in the morning or when she sleeps at night. Because since transitioning to her big cot, sleep has never been the same. She used to sleep 11hrs a night. But she didnt really nap! Since transitioning she naps now on the clock at 1 and 4 (ive tried cutting this one out but it fails so I reduce it to a cat nap, 15mins top). Now her sleep is completely different. She wakes repeatedly throughout the night and wants to sleep in our bed. Something that she didnt do before. So each night is me getting up, soothing her, getting her get back to sleep, leave room. Dh is a deep sleeper, I even have to nudge him when his work alarm goes off as he sleeps through it. Its annoying AF. So when baby cries / monitor goes off, I wake instantly he doesnt budge. I sometimes decide on an easy life and she will come to bed with me at around 430ish for a bit. Probably where I fail as I give in but I didnt give in for weeks and omg I ended up so ill. Shivery, being sick, completely sleep deprived. As she was determined to come into our bed and was awake every hour crying. Not wanting food or anything as she sleeps within seconds in our bed. I dont feel comfortable when she is in our bed as I have the fear of rolling onto her or DH! Plus she likes sleeping myside of the bed, right next to me, so I end up hanging off the bed and dont really sleep right.
So my morning coffee means the world! I am not a morning person. Never have been, but I am knackered. I also know that I dont switch off really. When she sleeps in evening I am constantly waiting for her to wake up as she usually does. I was repying so much last night as she kept waking and only sleeping with me next to her. This was constant until about 4. I brought her into bed around 530 as I was so sleepy. I know I could probably start our day at that time but with having little sleep before, I am about 10% of myself.
Sorry if I have missed any other questions, I didnt expect to get so many replies.

Honestly? You strike me as lazy. But you do you.

Getting fed up saying playpen is big. Its takes up nearly whole room. Its crazy that people are telling me how shit I am for allowing screen time but then recommending walkers. Make it make sense!! So basically if livingroom didnt have play pen she would be crawling around same space but not in playpen and be around more risks.

Naps have always been an issue. Because she slept 11/12 hrs at night I didnt care too much that she didnt really nap. I tried enforcing naps but it just didnt happen. Sometimes I would just go out a drive as she always sleeps in her car seat. It would be tiring as she has always been very active and very vocal but I knew I was almost guaranteed a good sleep. Now she is actually getting sleepy during day and having two naps which is great but both on me. Bedtime has become so tricky now. I have read and spoken to so many people and have had so much conflicting advice. Lots of people saying to keep the 2nd nap, lots saying to restrict it, lots saying to get rid of it and have an earlier bedtime. Her bedtime used to be 8pm and she would sleep until 7/8am. I do follow her cues and if she is sleepy before 7/8 I do bedtime but she fights sleep and then she just goes down at her usual time.
Ive tried the contact naps stopping but the second she hits the cot she instantly wakes and cries. I have tried soothing her, picking her up putting her back down, I have even left her for15mins to cry out but she gets into a right state and then nap time has slipped. I really dont know what to do 😭 i doubt we will get 11hr stretches again and I'm not saying I never want her in our bed but I want her to sleep a good chunk in her own bed first. I really dont know what else to do.
I am considering hiring a sleep consultant! Chatgpt keeps telling me lies 😭 i chsnge it up for weeks to get a better routine but it doesnt work or i end up ill.
If anyone has any suggestions on this then please let me know. And before anyone says, she doesnt sleep in her pram unless it is the same time as a nap. But then again sometimes she just cries until she is out of the pram. Since crawling she hates being restricted, so baby carrier, pram, highchair. She just wants to move0 freely. I did think about a walker but everyone told me they were bad and then I read some horror stories. I have thought about a bouncer but thought they were just as bad.

I was on the "nanny circuit" in London. I could always tell the nannies from the actual mums because they stared straight ahead in a business-like fashion when pushing the pram while the actual mums were chatting away about what will they buy Granny for her birthday etc. They were also glued to their phones at the playground. Small children are tiring and often boring. When away from prying eyes of employers or a childcare setting, the fact this slightly tiresome little person isn't theirs very often comes through.

There is no perfect way to raise children: we just do our best - as op is doing. Number one priority is safety and loving input. I also think independent play is possibly next important op - and you are providing that.

I think some parents farm their children out to endless activities because it is actually easier to transport them than entertain them, and others because they genuinely think they are giving them an edge - like those "educational" electronic toys that squeak "A for apple" in an electronic voice, when actually exploring water pouring cups is just brilliant. That's a good trick for a toddler getting tired near evening routine op, or on a rainy day. I used to run a shallow bath and put a chair beside the bath and watch them pour and tip and investigate water. It's usually very calming for them - and if DH rocks by you can say you are giving a bath!

Yes, we go to 2 baby groups per week and usually go a walk after. Saturdays we do swimming. Then once a week I visit family or meet other mum friends where we go to a softplay. I go to book bug with her too and local playgroup in village. In the house I read everyday to her, I sing to her all the time, constantly playing with her, tickling her, talking to her. She is only in playpen for my morning coffee.

Nannies get to go home after they have finished their job. @ILoveFatFaceSocks is on duty 24/7. She is allowed to have a life too.

The 34% who agree with your DH are the men and the judgemental perfect mums @ILoveFatFaceSocks. Sounds like you are doing great to me, safest place for baby in a kitchen is strapped in a high chair. You keep her entertained instead of causing a hazard while you are cooking. Children have had screen time for decades.

Oh God 🤦🏼‍♀️ You were "very strict" on sleeping, but they didn't cry. You just put them down awake but sleepy and they fell magically asleep.

You also think people should "let their babies fuss" or they won't be able to emotional regulate as primary school aged children. You took your advice from a book from 2001 that says things like some babies are "born grumpy" and is notoriously bad for breastfed babies.

Right. Either you just have incredibly good sleepers or you're not being honest. Congrats on your very strict sleep schedule and perfect kids though.

Not something I would do!! This is something I would do at nap time!!

@JanBlues2026 are you sure about that? 😂

Are you being deliberately obtuse? I was very strict on sleeping and teaching my kids to self sooth. They never cried it out. I did Baby Whisperer and it was brilliant and gentle. It was hard work for a bit, but my kids have been brilliant sleepers ever since.