To ask how a child is supposed to make different friends if the whole class is in tight groups/pairs?

Does the 'buddy bench' system exist at the school? It seems to have worked well at both primaries DS attended.

Honestly, OP, this is only year 2. I know it feels heartbreaking, but they're very young, and these 'tight' friendships will probably have reshuffled themselves again entirely by the start of Year 3. Don't assume this is it for the rest of primary! Focus on strategies for now, and above all, don't catastrophise. I think children pick up on our fears very easily.

I think the schools job is to teach these girls how to say "let's play together" or "you can play with us". Including someone and being overtly kind is a life skill. It's not about telling them off or saying they're doing anything wrong, it's about helping them understand the impact of not widening their circles and getting them to think about how you might include someone alone. This is what school should be doing. I appreciate you think they're doing enough, but reading this thread - lots of people don't! You're entitled to ask them to do more if you want to. Our school y2 teacher did, and it worked wonders on the 1 little girl being left out (again not through bullying or mean-ness, just by girls being rigid about best friends/groups)

You are right that you can't force/school can't force kids to become friends but they can ask them to be inclusive. The deliberately "running away" and refusing to find games that work for a 3 or 4 is actually really mean and unkind. I'd be asking the teacher to intervene a little bit more, either by finding something fun for her on her own or where she can meet someone, but also by discussing with the other girls how it might feel when they say "you can't play" or deliberately ignore/isolate someone. Our y2 class had this issue (my ds wasn't involved but a friend was), the teacher sat all the girls down and basically discussed playing group games like hide and seek, tag etc, discussed emotions and how being left out might feel, did some stories about being inclusive and helping people join in etc. It worked and they all are much nicer to one another now. They need to learn that this behaviour isn't ok.
In the meantime, I'd boost her confidence and create friendships out of school, rainbows or brownies, hobbies etc. It's good to have friendships elsewhere if things are tough at school.

PE isn’t the answer or route to bigger friendships, lots of schools do have PE that have very inclusive team building games and games that nurture friendship and self esteem. Most teachers are experts at reading children, groups, teams etc.PE at this age really isn’t what people think it is, they imagine their own PE experience which only really relates to high school.

your child being a summer born, will have an impact on the situation at this age. Not so much as she moves through high school but differences are more noticeable at this young age.

I still stand by the teacher could and should be doing more. Friendships at this age need support and guidance. A good teacher recognises that children actually play alongside each other for a long time in childhood before they really understand the meaning of “friendship”. Children of this age are still impressionable, they can take cues from adults and peers around them. She could be doing a lot more in own actions…modelling good language, talking about friendships and class etiquette, using books and games to educate, using other teachers that she interacts with etc.

with the greatest of respect are you too caught up in it yourself? Does the teacher not agree with you or not letting you know that she feels you’re over invested? You say she’s being very nice about it, sure any teacher would be…but that doesn’t signal a teacher that’s heavily invested in the situation. Is your child just not being included in the children that she wants to be playing with….rather than it’s a whole class thing, or everyone is leaving her out.

dont get wrong OP I’m not immune to the feeling of having a child like this at school. As a parent, it’s heartbreaking….my adult kids all went through it as some point. All you can do is keep talking to the teacher, make plans with her for the classroom and wider school activities, keep inviting all children in the class for play dates (whether they’re reciprocated or not) and try to fill her time at home with a wide array of activities. That way you’ve had a rounded approach of giving her the opportunity to have a go at lots of things and lots of relationships 🫶

edit to say the school friendship bench and friendship playground buddies have been in every school I’ve ever worked in (state and independent). Ask the teacher and your child about that. Ask the teacher to pop out at break to see how it’s going.

School needs to help. Our school had a good system whereby they would ask a kind girl or a few kind girls to be a playground buddy for one who was feeling left out. They also have quiet club where kids can go and do creative work - you can bring a friend or you can go alone and friendships start up that way. Also the playground rule is that you’re allowed to play by yourself but if if playing in 2 or more you’re not allowed to refuse if another child asks to join. In my experience kids need support with friendships at this stage.

This is what I do too and it works for my 8 year old but my nearly-11 year old, not so much 🫩

We have had lots of similar issues throughout school. My dd is Yr 5 now and recently I've been saying to her these girls might just not be your people and whatever happens I'm here for you. Almost re enforcing that she is my best friend and I am hers and making home her safe place. It is heartbreaking to see them left out girls can be awful. Also doing cute colouring worksheets type mindfulness ie I am kind, I am caring, I am brave etc to help with confidence.

Sending hugs it's horrible for you too xx

My daughter's best friend is a boy (both yr2) Thick as thieves but they are very much alike in their behaviours so maybe that is why they have gelled.

Years ago, when my kids were little, the school had a friendship bench.
If you had no one to play with you sat on the bench.
All kids were actively encouraged to include anyone on the bench straight away.
The grownups had to monitor this strictly.
Kids were encouraged to "change games" if the one they were playing meant "x, y z person" couldnt join in.

It would be very unusual for a child with no difficulties to making friends to be unable to find any friends at all. Are you sure your DD means 'everybody' or does she just mean the DC she's attracted to? Because usually there are some DC in every class who are not surrounded by friends, the quieter, less confident children who also seem a little on the fringes that DD could befriend.
If not I'd advise that DD continues to be friendly to everyone, that you help her by inviting DC to your home, and that you wait it out until its all change, the pairs mix and she ends up coupled up again, as inevitably happens at 7.

My daughter is year 5 and some of the girls can be really unkind - I just instil kindness in my kids and try my best but when they’re upset it is hard. I would speak to the school.
our school sometimes move the kids round from year to year too and so that can be a double edged sword, unsettling for some and good for others.

I hear you. My girls are 8 and 10 and the friendship issues are absolutely taking over our lives just now, it’s terrible. I try to stay out of it but my god it’s hard sometimes 🥲 little girls can be absolutely vicious to each other and the boys aren’t remotely interested in playing with girls.

Try Beavers as well

I think it's fairly obvious @Friendlygingercat struggles with social skills.

It sounds heartbreaking OP, I hope things improve soon

Do you have many friends now @Friendlygingercat ? My parents also took this view and it took me a really long time to work out how to interact with people without being a doormat/ blow hot and cold / feeling like every social event was a test. Social skills need teaching like everything else.

She is in year 2.

Friendship groups are evolving all the time.

In 2 months time the groups will be different again.

Speak to the teacher about the break/ lunchtime situation.

But I think it'll work itself out.

Another one who says speak to the teacher about possible things that could happen at playtime. Buddy benches, having an adult modelling or extending games that can be played by lots of people.

Girl heavy classes can be tricky sometimes. Especially if they have older siblings as they start to model older siblings play earlier.

Keep up with the play dates out of school and out of school clubs.

Out of interest, do a lot of the girls who are in tight knit groups have mums who are friends? Hence they are in tight groups because they see one another a lot (holidays/ odd weekends) out of school. This can be very difficult because the mums are already established friends and naturally plan things with their friends and the kids kind of tag along but play together. It also makes arranging playdates difficult as free time is prioritised for existing "mum friends" and some people will not branch out of their group of "mum friends" and have no interest in widening their social circle.

My parents took no interest whatsoever in my friendships and parents now are far too invested. Children naturally fall in an out of friendships and your daughter will have to learn to tough it out. Play days curated by parents are an artificial form of making friends.

You definitely need to go back to the school and reiterate the damage this is doing to her mental health.
There are interventions that may help and they may be children that are also struggling with friendships in Yr 1 or Yr 3 for example that they could introduce so breaktimes are more enjoyable.

The school need to be doing more- ask to speak to their mental health lead or pastoral lead if the class teacher isn't proactive in sorting out the playground situation.

Hope things improve for your DD soon, it's heartbreaking when they are struggling like this.

I am sorry your little girl is struggling, OP. It's lovely that her big brother is so kind to her.

I think you should go back to the school and ask for more help with the playtime/lunchtime situation. I have been a school governor for many years, and schools can and do put interventions in place to help children who are struggling to make friends for whatever reason. Make it clear that you are concerned about the impact on her mental wellbeing and ask if there is more that the school can put in place.

outside activities, sports or guides or similar

As a retired teacher, you need to speak to her teacher again. Year 2 is quite young to be starting all this so her teacher needs to get a better grip on what’s going on, social interactions etc. whilst teachers can’t be on hand for all interactions and break times, they can have a lot of influence over who sits near who, who partners who etc. I’ve always liked partners in learning, walking around school, lining up etc…it helps in securing good behaviour, mentoring, socialising, mirroring….all sorts of things….its not actually about partnering or lining up. The teacher could influence things like this. Is the teacher young?
Year 2 is still a “young” year group. The teacher is still able to influence easily. You need to start with there.