to resent covering constantly for a colleague's childcare absences?

Have you raised it?

Your colleague should only be taking days off if her children are sick. She shouldn’t be leaving early or arriving late to cater for drop-offs or pick-ups unless it’s in her contract. She should have adequate childcare in place to cover this.

As you’re believing this a marriage problem rather than your management problem then I’m assuming she’s your friend who moans about all the childcare landing with her. She’s got you onside, to feel for her, rather than see the problem she is creating for you and others. Manipulated maybe!

I know everyone is telling you to stop covering for her, but it is really hard. I work in the NHS and a member of our team about once year is off ill for three months. She has a legitimate reason no one judges her. However, we don’t get any cover as she is technically still employed in our team, just on long-term sick. so the team is told to do another 15 to 20% Work and suck it up. Manager said they can’t help it. But it does drive me absolutely batty. And it’s completely unfair.

Seeing as your manager doesn’t like conflict, use this to your advantage. Just refuse to pick up the slack. Your manager will soon grow a backbone or work will back up.

I sympathise.

I had similar some years ago when I worked in a particular school. It turned out that the colleague's husband was a depute in a neighbouring school.

It impacted on me significantly, because I was being pressured into picking up a significant amount of her work including report writing, not because she was absent (in the case of the report writing) but because - I kid you not - she was "a mother of four" and it was my job as her manager "to support her".

I'd had no say in employing this person and I'll add that at the time I was working full time and caring for two disabled adults.

I dug in my heels and—rather to my amusement—my line manager finished up writing her reports. It was quite bizarre: the depute had liaised with the member of staff in order to write the reports. It occurred to me that the member of staff would have been quicker writing them herself.

The said member of staff is no longer a member of the profession.

Leave on time. Don't pick up your colleague's work and if you're asked to do it, ask which of your other tasks you should drop as you don't have time to do both. Let your manager choose which work gets done, it's their problem to prioritise it.

just start leaving on time op! and just do your own work and let the other stuff fall behind

I always leave at the dot of 5.30 cus i need to get my kid at 6 as chilidcare is shut then! literally not an option to stay on.

I used to do it and now i dont know why i did - when my kids are older i will remain the same and leave at the dot of 5.30 too and go home and relax or go out and do something fun.

Unless there is an issue your are unaware of and the manager is yanbu. By issue I mean very ill child/temporary personal situation, but even then it’s for the manager to manage, and not be made your problem.

I quit a job because of this, after arguments with dh he shared the load and instead we both got in trouble with our managers constantly (have two children with horrendous ear and asthmatic issues that would be sent home from school regularly). It is a huge argument for there being a sahp at home. Saying that it’s not your issue and would agree your manager needs to look at alternatives

I used to work as support staff in a school and senior management asked me to cover lunchtime because they didn't have enough lunchtime supervisors. I declined.

They said that they were short staffed and someone needed to do it. I said that was not my responsibility. They put pressure on me, saying if I didn't do it then one of the teachers would have to. I said fine, let the teacher do it. Guess what? The teacher didn't do it, they hired someone to do the job which they should have done in the first place.

Don't pick up the slack unless you a) really want to and b) get paid extra for it.

Work needs a properly communicated childcare policy.

People employed do need to have childcare in place. And not substitute sick or annual leave. Nor expect work to accommodate every absence due to childcare not being available today.
My old employer wanted people to have cover in place for when the usual first option goes sick etc.

And yes, colleagues have to pick up if you are not in.
It is true some childcare arrangements can cause resentment. People leaving early to pick up ( but being paid full time).

The fundamental is that you either do the hours you are paid for or you have to adjust them if you cannot. Not expecting everyone else to turn a blind eye.

So, what should management actually do? In real life..

There are certain people at work who always say yes to doing extra jobs. Once managers find those people they use them a lot. There are lots of ways to politely turn down extra work or staying late.

For starters, stop staying late

Speak to your manager about your workload if it’s unmanageable.

We are the ones covering her workload, staying late, reshuffling deadlines and picking up the slack. It is not occasional, it is constant and it is starting to feel like it is just expected.

Stop doing it. It's not your responsibility. Of course management won't look for a solution if you are already providing a solution.

You need to go to your manager en masse and say that things need to change.

Good for you - some people are actually team players. I would only do this if it was someone who was a friend as well as a colleague though.

Well dont do it then.
Don't stay late- you're not obliged.
Don't pick up her slack- if its not done- all fingers point back at her.
You can only get taken advantage of if you allow it/

This could so be the opposing side of another thread that is ongoing at the moment!!

I worked with someone with a child. I worked full time, she worked part time. We shared the work load, pro rata.

Fairly frequently, she would call in the morning to say she wasn’t working that day, even though she was supposed to and she would work a different day. This resulted in me having to pick up, or cancel her appointments and clinics. It didn’t take long for me to lose my patience with this. She didn’t like my attitude, so she left.

Stop doing the extra. "Sorry manager, I don't have capacity this week to do Julie's work as well as mine or X, Y, Z will slip". Doesn't sound that your manager is the type to insist.

Why do you tolerate it though?
I understand your manager should be dealing with it... but as long as you and other staff tolerate it and pick up the slack, nothing will change.

Start working your contracted hours only.

This....

What @marcyhermit said,she's bullying the lot of you, including your manager, the fact that your language is placating and submissive around it, ie, it's OK to fuck off to pick your kids up /down tools if they're ill, ermmmm no it's not, at work you should barely know if someone has kids, she's got you all exactly where she wants you, and knows there's no redress because she's HR, Say no next time, and read up your company handbook, it's gonna take someone rocking the boat to rein in her cheeky fuckery, whether it's you or not, we'll that's up to you.

Of course she won’t. Everything is fine from her point of view. Stop suffering to make it fine for her