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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to resent covering constantly for a colleague's childcare absences?

240 replies

catchingup1 · 10/04/2026 13:18

One of my colleagues is constantly off or leaving early because of childcare. Pick ups, drop offs, kids off sick, last minute issues. I do understand that children come first, that is not the issue.

The problem is that it is not shared at all in her household. From what she has said, her husband does not step up, so everything falls on her. Which in reality means it falls on the rest of us at work.

We are the ones covering her workload, staying late, reshuffling deadlines and picking up the slack. It is not occasional, it is constant and it is starting to feel like it is just expected.

What makes it worse is that our manager is fully aware but does nothing. She avoids conflict and just tells the rest of us to get on with it. There is no attempt to address the imbalance or put any proper structure in place, it is just quietly absorbed by the team.

It also makes it harder because she is HR and we are a small organisation, so it feels like there is nowhere to raise this without it becoming awkward or going nowhere.

I do not blame my colleague for needing time off when her kids are ill. But it does not feel fair that her home situation, particularly a partner who is not pulling his weight, ends up creating extra work and pressure for everyone else.

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 10/04/2026 18:04

CanterThroughChaos · 10/04/2026 18:02

It’s an issue for the companies management to sort, vitriol online to a lady looking after her children won’t change anything

But the OP is the one struggling here hence the online post.

Don't know where the "vitriol" element comes into anything I've said?

CanterThroughChaos · 10/04/2026 18:02

BudgetBuster · 10/04/2026 16:25

Reasonable adjustments are very different to swanning in and out as you please leaving everyone else doing your actual job though

It’s an issue for the companies management to sort, vitriol online to a lady looking after her children won’t change anything

CanterThroughChaos · 10/04/2026 17:59

georgebungleszippy · 10/04/2026 16:53

Could you clarify what the protected characteristic is in this scenario? Why is the employee entitled to reasonable adjustments? Have they had their flexible working request unreasonably refused? Or are they just nipping off last minute when there is an issue with the children?

It can be viewed as gender discrimination as it may disadvantage working women, and although there are frustrations with irregular start/finish times which could be raised she is entitled to time off when her children are ill which seems to be the main issue regarding cover and extra work. I can only see the information in op’s post so don’t know if flexible working has been refused. And I don’t personally know the people in this situation so wouldn’t know if she’s just ‘nipping off’ and wouldn’t assume ✌️

Susiesue61 · 10/04/2026 17:45

Oh my goodness, this is exactly my situation! My three are all now adults, she has 2 small kids. She always leaves early, takes all the school holidays as leave so I am working extra hard. It all blew up 2 days ago when she overheard me moaning to a friend. I feel guilty for being a bitch but so frustrated and tired!
we don’t all work somewhere where you can leave on time if the work isn’t done. Sorry no advice but I feel your frustration

noidea69 · 10/04/2026 17:25

How often are the last minute issues on a friday, or a sunny day?

Itsmetheflamingo · 10/04/2026 17:22

BerryTwister · 10/04/2026 17:19

@Itsmetheflamingo your original post implied that the idea of covering for an absent colleague was an alien concept, that you couldn’t comprehend. I was just giving you an example to illustrate how there are times when we end up with essentially no choice.

I certainly don’t think it’s an alien concept. I think doing it because your colleague has left early is a mugs game

BerryTwister · 10/04/2026 17:19

Itsmetheflamingo · 10/04/2026 17:15

Depends if that’s the sort of job we’re talking about doesn’t it? Do school chefs gave deadlines? 🤔 strongly suspect they just work in an office

and would you do that occasionally in an emergency or on a regular basis?

I for example, have to leave at a specific time due to caring responsibilities. I’m not working late and failing to meet that responsibility

@Itsmetheflamingo your original post implied that the idea of covering for an absent colleague was an alien concept, that you couldn’t comprehend. I was just giving you an example to illustrate how there are times when we end up with essentially no choice.

StrawberrySquash · 10/04/2026 17:17

GuineaPigWig · 10/04/2026 13:30

As per PPs, it’s a bit strange you are focusing on their parenting arrangement rather than how your employers are handing it. I guess MN loves a feminist perspective, but it’s clear this is about your shared boss resolving the issue

I disagree. If I knew that there was a difficult home situation, like the husband suddenly being ill for example, I would be a lot more likely to be sympathetic. If he's just refusing to step up, then that's different. We cut people slack all the time for personal reasons.

carnivalqueenthethird · 10/04/2026 17:16

YANBU.

I used to work with a girl who did the same. She came back on 2 days one week and 3 days the next, after maternity leave. Her husband was self employed so every time her kid was sick (not exaggerating when I say it was every single week), she either wouldn’t come in or go home. After a while work cracked down on it because she was off more than she was in and she was just taking the piss out of the companies sick pay and family leave, but it did take a long time and it was hard work doing it because our HR department are notorious for being over cautious and being on the wrong side (morally).

I don’t really have any suggestions for you, except as a team, you need to collectively speak to your manager about it. If she ignores you (cannot stand managers who have no balls to stand up to piss takers), go to her boss as well. Not sure how big the company is, but I would as a team take it as high as you need to before someone takes you seriously. Strength in numbers is better than you trying to go at it alone!

Itsmetheflamingo · 10/04/2026 17:15

BerryTwister · 10/04/2026 17:09

@Itsmetheflamingo do you genuinely not understand? Imagine you’re a cook at a school, and each day you and your colleague cook for 100 kids. If your colleague called in sick, would you just make 50 meals, and let the other 50 kids go hungry? Or would you work extra hard and scrape together 100 meals, even if it made you exhausted and you had to stay late cleaning up?

Depends if that’s the sort of job we’re talking about doesn’t it? Do school chefs gave deadlines? 🤔 strongly suspect they just work in an office

and would you do that occasionally in an emergency or on a regular basis?

I for example, have to leave at a specific time due to caring responsibilities. I’m not working late and failing to meet that responsibility

nixon1976 · 10/04/2026 17:14

I agree with pps but I would add that our work expects both parents to take time equally (unless there are mitigating circumstances) for emergencies. They follow through on this too - rightly or wrongly.

BerryTwister · 10/04/2026 17:09

Itsmetheflamingo · 10/04/2026 13:49

Why do you do it though? I would never do someone else work because they aren’t there. I can’t even really relate to what you’re saying. What exactly do you pick up?

@Itsmetheflamingo do you genuinely not understand? Imagine you’re a cook at a school, and each day you and your colleague cook for 100 kids. If your colleague called in sick, would you just make 50 meals, and let the other 50 kids go hungry? Or would you work extra hard and scrape together 100 meals, even if it made you exhausted and you had to stay late cleaning up?

georgebungleszippy · 10/04/2026 16:53

CanterThroughChaos · 10/04/2026 15:58

Does she work full or part time? If husband is the highest earner it makes sense to prioritise that income. I can see your frustration but there’s nothing you can do, your employer has to make reasonable adjustments for childcare needs, it’s a protected characteristic and would be discriminatory if it was raised in relation to unfairness with other members of staff as she is unable to change it. Completely on the company to sort cover and employ another member of staff if necessary.

Could you clarify what the protected characteristic is in this scenario? Why is the employee entitled to reasonable adjustments? Have they had their flexible working request unreasonably refused? Or are they just nipping off last minute when there is an issue with the children?

Hankunamatata · 10/04/2026 16:43

Dont stay late, dont pick up the slack. Email the colleague and cc manager each time that as they had to leave early z,x still needs completing.

Oddappetite · 10/04/2026 16:31

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BudgetBuster · 10/04/2026 16:25

CanterThroughChaos · 10/04/2026 15:58

Does she work full or part time? If husband is the highest earner it makes sense to prioritise that income. I can see your frustration but there’s nothing you can do, your employer has to make reasonable adjustments for childcare needs, it’s a protected characteristic and would be discriminatory if it was raised in relation to unfairness with other members of staff as she is unable to change it. Completely on the company to sort cover and employ another member of staff if necessary.

Reasonable adjustments are very different to swanning in and out as you please leaving everyone else doing your actual job though

AgnesMcDoo · 10/04/2026 16:01

Her absence is between your colleague and her manager and none of your business

However the affect on you - you can raise this with your manager. Do not comment on your colleague nor her childcare nor her personal life - not your business

CanterThroughChaos · 10/04/2026 15:58

Does she work full or part time? If husband is the highest earner it makes sense to prioritise that income. I can see your frustration but there’s nothing you can do, your employer has to make reasonable adjustments for childcare needs, it’s a protected characteristic and would be discriminatory if it was raised in relation to unfairness with other members of staff as she is unable to change it. Completely on the company to sort cover and employ another member of staff if necessary.

Itsmetheflamingo · 10/04/2026 15:49

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/04/2026 15:47

I didn’t say I was. I have spent too much of my career being expected to pick up the slack from people taking the piss.

I will help the people I work with who have my back. Fuck everyone else.

Good point!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/04/2026 15:48

Itsmetheflamingo · 10/04/2026 15:45

Not much of a team player if you only do it for your friends 🤣

But to be fair I do work with four friends so I do my bit 🤣

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/04/2026 15:47

Itsmetheflamingo · 10/04/2026 15:45

Not much of a team player if you only do it for your friends 🤣

I didn’t say I was. I have spent too much of my career being expected to pick up the slack from people taking the piss.

I will help the people I work with who have my back. Fuck everyone else.

Itsmetheflamingo · 10/04/2026 15:45

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 10/04/2026 14:12

Good for you - some people are actually team players. I would only do this if it was someone who was a friend as well as a colleague though.

Not much of a team player if you only do it for your friends 🤣

GinaandGin · 10/04/2026 15:36

I wouldn't be staying late

Viviennemary · 10/04/2026 15:18

Yoy won't win here. Look for a new job.

godmum56 · 10/04/2026 15:15

BudgetBuster · 10/04/2026 13:59

Why do you tolerate it though?
I understand your manager should be dealing with it... but as long as you and other staff tolerate it and pick up the slack, nothing will change.

Start working your contracted hours only.

this

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