to resent covering constantly for a colleague's childcare absences?

There's a big difference between flexible working, and frequently leaving early and/or frequent last minute changes in arrangements.

I work flexibly, this was agreed as a reasonable adjustment due to my physical disability - it often takes me much longer to get up and moving in the morning so sometimes I end up being late, and I'm happy to be the one who (usually) stays later if an emergency comes up. But I keep a daily timesheet where this is all recorded to the nearest 15 minutes so it can be checked that my hours are balancing out over time - my usual issue is that I end up banking time & have to work a few shorter days so I don't go over the carry-over limit for the flexi period! It can be very surprising how much an extra half hour here & there (most days in my case) can add up quite quickly.

That's one possible approach the OP could take. Keep a log of the hours she is working to cover for the other staff member then request TOIL to make up for it. This may focus management's mind on just how much extra time all this cover is taking - they may well be thinking "it's just a few minutes here and there" when in reality it's 2-3 man days every single month maybe more.

Certainly the other staff member should be able to request flexible working if it a) can be fit in with the business needs and b) helps them maintain their home life. But again this needs to be recorded accurately, and if over time it shows that the staff member is consistently working say an average of a day less per week then management should be looking at whether they should be paying her a full salary or pay her for working a 4 day week that's worked flexibly (e.g. 5 shorter days each week)

If I'm late in, which would stress me out anyway, I would do my best to do something to alleviate that. Just because you have children it shouldn't impact on your colleagues at all, otherwise it's unfair. Does she have to evidence the sickness absences or is it just a given? Either way, not acceptable at all. Management deal with this.

Please consider that there may be reasons other than useless husband. I would love to be able to be more flexible for work but my autistic child would not cope without me there in the morning or bestime. Some of my colleagues that I'm friends with know this but I'm not going to share my personal life with just anyone and I'd be much more likely to give a 'oh my husband's useless lol' to tutting randoms I don't want to discuss my personal life with.

In @catchingup1's situation, I would avoid any comment on why the colleague isn't there, you don't want to be accused of bullying and the manager likely knows more about the situation than op does and isn't going to gossip about it. Stick to facts, you only have so many hours in the day and if you need to cover someone else's tasks something else needs to be dropped.

In the case that I mentioned, the husband was presumably 'too important' to do any of the childcare. However, our place of work handled everything very badly: their solution was to try to dump work on me.

There was the additional problem of the woman not having kept up with her professional development, as I found out: I was being expected to find the time to get her up to speed, in spite of the fact that she was supposedly experienced and an asset. This added to my workload.

I later found out from the woman herself that our employer was running scared because she'd taken the Local Authority to an industrial tribunal for failing to keep her original job open for her when she was away on her last maternity leave. (They had given her a position at the same level, but she wasn't happy with that and it seems that she'd basically been allowed to name which school she'd be prepared to work in.)

Interestingly, our headmaster was approached by a male teacher for similar (but temporary) consideration with regard to his timetable. His wife was undergoing cancer treatment and colleagues had volunteered to cover his register class so that he could get his child to nursery.

The headmaster refused.

I agree.

Managment will only address the issue when it becomes an issue for them. If the rest of the team keep covering the work and shifts then it's not a problem for the manager.

If it's easier to push the work your way they will keep doing it.

The answer is to stop agreeing to stay late and stop working hard to make up the difference. Let the deadlines get missed and let the problems fall on the managers shoulders.

Simply wouldn't know how to?
He'd figure it out if he had to...

It can be viewed as gender discrimination as it may put working women at a disadvantage

So she is HR but "we are the ones covering her workload, staying late, reshuffling deadlines and picking up the slack"

Do you all work in HR then? Surely someone knows what to do if you are a HR team?

Being a parent is not a protected characteristic.

I would try and put boundaries in place so that you are not doing more than necessary and also so that you don’t feel resentment as it’s not good for you. Do you have staff appraisals at all? You could discuss workload here and see what they say.

Yanbu

My work has a team member who can never cone in earky or work offsite if required (both often required) as she cannot leave her partner to do any part of

1. Waking their child up
2. Getting them dressed
3. Gigibg them breakfast
4. Picking tgem up.
5. Giving them their supper
6. Putting them to bed

He simply woukdnt know how

She is open about this.

It blows my mind

Management are absolutely at fault. They are failing their other staff... but unless the OP or others put a stop to doing the extra work etc

But at the same time, there's no need to fussy foot around the fact that the colleague is taking the piss. We've all been there with difficult childcare issues. A sick child or an emergency is one thing (and I would think and hope most people would be happy to help in this situation) but constantly being laye or leaving early for lack of childcare is a pisstake.

Two parties can be wrong on this scenario.

This. I hit YABU because of this. It’s not about her personal obligations, it’s about your workplace

You need to start saying no sorry, I can’t do their work as well as my own. It’s a joke if her DH isn’t doing anything. I had a boss once when mine were babies who did ask if their dad was doing his share, and he generally did, and he was right to ask that. Kids being sick is one thing, but anything else she should reduce her hours if she can’t get to pick up in time.

90% of your post focuses on the colleague and not the manager.

Yep sadly some already do, it would be very difficult to prove that’s why someone isn’t being hired

And the end result of that is that companies will find ways to not employ women of childbearing age. It’s not legal, it’s not fair, but it will happen.

This!

I find it very irritating as a manager when the husband of someone in my team is clearly not doing their share. My team does not exist to pick up the slack for someone else’s team in another workplace. I would never expect people I manage to fill in in this way.

Worst is when the husband is self employed - so they as a household have decided to take money from the wife’s employer for their own gain.

It can be viewed as gender discrimination as it may put working women at a disadvantage. A request for flexibility does need to be seriously considered. Its such a shame that op’s employer’s inability to manage the situation has caused such resentment towards an employee, that’s where they should be looking

Give her a set time in which to make alternative arrangements for childcare or agree a formal flexible working arrangement whereby she works fewer hours and work is permanently re allocated. If nothing changes then go down a more formal route as described in your policies.