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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to resent covering constantly for a colleague's childcare absences?

240 replies

catchingup1 · 10/04/2026 13:18

One of my colleagues is constantly off or leaving early because of childcare. Pick ups, drop offs, kids off sick, last minute issues. I do understand that children come first, that is not the issue.

The problem is that it is not shared at all in her household. From what she has said, her husband does not step up, so everything falls on her. Which in reality means it falls on the rest of us at work.

We are the ones covering her workload, staying late, reshuffling deadlines and picking up the slack. It is not occasional, it is constant and it is starting to feel like it is just expected.

What makes it worse is that our manager is fully aware but does nothing. She avoids conflict and just tells the rest of us to get on with it. There is no attempt to address the imbalance or put any proper structure in place, it is just quietly absorbed by the team.

It also makes it harder because she is HR and we are a small organisation, so it feels like there is nowhere to raise this without it becoming awkward or going nowhere.

I do not blame my colleague for needing time off when her kids are ill. But it does not feel fair that her home situation, particularly a partner who is not pulling his weight, ends up creating extra work and pressure for everyone else.

OP posts:
fetchacloth · 11/04/2026 20:44

Yes and I would do the same in your shoes.
I would also be looking for another job as your manager isn't prepared to tackle this issue which she fails to see is causing so much resentment in the team. It's not fair to you or your colleagues.

Zerosleep · 11/04/2026 20:38

catchingup1 · 11/04/2026 20:22

She is supportive to the colleague who is constantly disappearing and we have to pick up the extra work.

Shouldn't the manager be supportive to the rest of the team as well? We all over for each other when things happen sometimes but it is weekly with this colleague.

Thank god also you aren’t in the same situ. If you were, surely you would hope someone was as supportive to you too.

So just put up with it then?

Yes, stop complaining and just do your hours and the work you are given. Manage upwards. Don’t increase your pace to get yours and her work done, ask what your manager wants you to prioritize. Only do what is possible in the time. Life is full of swings and roundabouts. You never know when you may be in a similar situation for a variety of reasons. We share across my team, sometimes I need support and sometimes others do. We work together as a team to do what we can.

Whatexcellentboiledpotatoes · 11/04/2026 20:38

QuickPinkFox · 10/04/2026 13:24

The problem isn’t how she and her husband divide their responsibilities (at least, that’s not your problem). It’s that your manager isn’t managing properly - you need to raise the pressure and unsustainable work load with them.

This 💯

catchingup1 · 11/04/2026 20:32

I am going to stop doing the extra work.

OP posts:
Allergictoironing · 11/04/2026 20:28

Work your usual hours and do what your boss asks you to do. The manager may switch work around and that’s up to her. If she wants you to reprioritize to hit deadlines, then that’s up to her.

But that's the thing - OP's boss IS asking her to do extra hours. And she isn't swapping work around as much as adding extras. And no mention of reprioritising either.

So Op can't both work her usual hours AND do what her boss is asking her to do, as she's being asked to pick up other work as well as her own.

WhatMummyMakesSheEats · 11/04/2026 20:26

catchingup1 · 11/04/2026 20:22

She is supportive to the colleague who is constantly disappearing and we have to pick up the extra work.

Shouldn't the manager be supportive to the rest of the team as well? We all over for each other when things happen sometimes but it is weekly with this colleague.

Thank god also you aren’t in the same situ. If you were, surely you would hope someone was as supportive to you too.

So just put up with it then?

no don’t put up with it? Why have you ignored every single post that says just stop doing the extra work?

catchingup1 · 11/04/2026 20:22

Zerosleep · 11/04/2026 20:08

It’s incredibly hard when it all falls on one parent and I know too well how it feels to feel you are letting work down and letting your child down and feel like you are doing a crap job overall. Her personal situation is shit but none of your business. There may be other things going on that your manager is aware of but I am glad that as a carer, she is getting support at least from work. I don’t think you should be concerning yourself with it at all unless you are doing extra hours. Work your usual hours and do what your boss asks you to do. The manager may switch work around and that’s up to her. If she wants you to reprioritize to hit deadlines, then that’s upto her. Just do your job and be glad you have a caring manager who is supportive. Thank god also you aren’t in the same situ. If you were, surely you would hope someone was as supportive to you too.

She is supportive to the colleague who is constantly disappearing and we have to pick up the extra work.

Shouldn't the manager be supportive to the rest of the team as well? We all over for each other when things happen sometimes but it is weekly with this colleague.

Thank god also you aren’t in the same situ. If you were, surely you would hope someone was as supportive to you too.

So just put up with it then?

OP posts:
Zerosleep · 11/04/2026 20:08

It’s incredibly hard when it all falls on one parent and I know too well how it feels to feel you are letting work down and letting your child down and feel like you are doing a crap job overall. Her personal situation is shit but none of your business. There may be other things going on that your manager is aware of but I am glad that as a carer, she is getting support at least from work. I don’t think you should be concerning yourself with it at all unless you are doing extra hours. Work your usual hours and do what your boss asks you to do. The manager may switch work around and that’s up to her. If she wants you to reprioritize to hit deadlines, then that’s upto her. Just do your job and be glad you have a caring manager who is supportive. Thank god also you aren’t in the same situ. If you were, surely you would hope someone was as supportive to you too.

Allergictoironing · 11/04/2026 20:03

SnappyRoseFawn · 11/04/2026 18:53

You don’t know if she has disabled children. I have disabled children it would be easier to not work but I enjoy working I work less hours and am paid less and have the option of hybrid if I need it but I know one woman in the office got very upset and the supervisor attempted to push me to do more. I got an apology from the senior manager as the email the supervisor sent was discriminatory at least and just vile at worst. We don’t know what’s going on you need to say no to the extra work or tell manager that you will not do someone else work

The difference here is that you work fewer hours and are paid accordingly, you don't get paid to do the same hours but work fewer.

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 11/04/2026 19:49

If you and your colleagues are taking up the slack then the situation will never be resolved. You all need to refuse to stay late (need to get home for sick dog, poorly parent, builder). Force the management to make other arrangements. So long as you cover you accept the responsibility and inconvenience the situation will continue.

anonacfr · 11/04/2026 19:49

Can't you just stop doing her work? And leave when you should rather than stay late?
If everyone in your team agrees to (rightly) stick to the job they're paid to do, the manager will have to address the situation.

Petrolitis · 11/04/2026 19:47

Catcatcatcatcat · 11/04/2026 19:30

But you don’t have to do her work. Just don’t do it. Let it become a problem for your manager, otherwise they have no reason or incentive to change things do they?

And the manager is hardly likely to have a go at OP or push back if she's conflict avoidant.

Catcatcatcatcat · 11/04/2026 19:30

catchingup1 · 11/04/2026 18:25

But it is annoying everyone because she has given the excuse of a useless husband. That is why there is so much resentment.

If we didn't have to keep finishing her work on top of our own, I think people wouldn't say anything. Manager won't taken action so it is leading to a bad atmosphere.

But you don’t have to do her work. Just don’t do it. Let it become a problem for your manager, otherwise they have no reason or incentive to change things do they?

Shelby2010 · 11/04/2026 19:06

My manager only takes notice that I have too big a work load if I put it in an email.

Dear Manager,
I am unable to absorb any extra work this week as I am already working on xyz. I could do ABC if you took over responsibility for x&y. Unfortunately I am not able to stay late this week as I have other commitments.

Please let me know what you want me to prioritise.

Bw

MolkosTeenageAngst · 11/04/2026 19:00

Wha happens if you refuse to stay late and cite your own need to get home on time? What if you refuse to reshuffle your work or take on extra workload? As long as everybody keeps picking up the slack your manager won’t address it because it’s not actually causing her a problem. You need to stop putting up with it and refuse to stay late or take on more work than you can manage.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 11/04/2026 18:57

She is taking the piss big time. If she can't manage work and home life.Then maybe she should work less hours or part time.

She is s not your problem. Don't do any extra work to cover for her chaotic life.
It is entirely her problem .

BudgetBuster · 11/04/2026 18:53

catchingup1 · 11/04/2026 18:25

But it is annoying everyone because she has given the excuse of a useless husband. That is why there is so much resentment.

If we didn't have to keep finishing her work on top of our own, I think people wouldn't say anything. Manager won't taken action so it is leading to a bad atmosphere.

You don't have to finish her work... you are choosing to. Stop and force the management to do something

SnappyRoseFawn · 11/04/2026 18:53

georgebungleszippy · 10/04/2026 18:44

My understanding of the law, although I’m absolutely not an expert and I am more than happy to be corrected, is that having a formal request for flexible working refused might be indirect discrimination, if it is refused on the basis of a person’s sex. As far as I am aware employees don’t have blanket protection under the Equality Act simply because they are working parents.

I assume that the employee, mentioned in this thread, is probably more likely to be relying on the statutory right for employees to take emergency time off for dependants.

I don’t believe there is a limit to the number of times an employee can rush off to deal with a childcare emergency, although the absence must be unexpected and the employee must not have known about the emergency in advance of it.

The only thing OP can do is not cover and not do extra hours. If the employer will not address the issue then there is little the OP can do, other than stop bailing her employer out. The issue is with the employer to resolve. I do understand the constant uncertainty must be pissing the OP off though. It’s just human nature.

You don’t know if she has disabled children. I have disabled children it would be easier to not work but I enjoy working I work less hours and am paid less and have the option of hybrid if I need it but I know one woman in the office got very upset and the supervisor attempted to push me to do more. I got an apology from the senior manager as the email the supervisor sent was discriminatory at least and just vile at worst. We don’t know what’s going on you need to say no to the extra work or tell manager that you will not do someone else work

mindfulmoaning · 11/04/2026 18:48

As others have suggested, if you can’t complain or raise it with a senior manager then stop doing the extra. Stop working at your finish time and leave whatever work is not finished. If the team miss deadlines then explain it’s due to absence

catchingup1 · 11/04/2026 18:46

MsSquiz · 11/04/2026 18:42

@catchingup1 if your manager won’t do anything about your complaint, take it to their manager.

The manager and her manager are good friends so complaints do not make a difference.

OP posts:
catchingup1 · 11/04/2026 18:45

exaltedwombat · 11/04/2026 18:32

It’s none of your business business WHY she’s off so much. If it’s giving you too much extra work, take it up with your manager.

Did you read my OP? The manager has been told.

OP posts:
MsSquiz · 11/04/2026 18:42

@catchingup1 if your manager won’t do anything about your complaint, take it to their manager.

MrsKateColumbo · 11/04/2026 18:39

What sort of job do you do?
I would just passive aggressively email her work back to her "hi Susan, hope little one is ok - pls see attached from Mrs Smith asking you to xyz, hope WFH is going well :) "

And put your OOO on from 5pm

exaltedwombat · 11/04/2026 18:32

It’s none of your business business WHY she’s off so much. If it’s giving you too much extra work, take it up with your manager.

HalzTangz · 11/04/2026 18:28

catchingup1 · 10/04/2026 13:32

Yes I get it is a management issue - I have mentioned that in my OP that she doesn't take any action.

Then you need to escalate to your managers manager