to resent covering constantly for a colleague's childcare absences?

Absolutely this.

It's none of your business. I expect the manager knows more than you and hasn't shared her personal information with you. Stop huffing and gossiping with the rest of the team about her, work your normal hours and ask your manager how to prioritise the work.

Have you ever actually been asked to stay late to cover her work? If you have then you should be discussing with your manager whether you can, overtime or toil. If you haven't been asked to then you're just choosing it so either stop doing it or stop blaming your colleague for your choices.

You say "we aren't going to cover anymore" etc - so are the rest of the team with you in this?

I hope so, or you could be standing alone and be singled out as a trouble maker if people don't back you up

Nobody thinks it’s fine that you are having to do so much extra work. However, your anger has been directed at the wrong person.

Your workload is not your colleagues responsibility. It’s your manager you should be blaming. And yourself for continuing to martyr yourself.

If you have discussions with manager about it, don’t make it remotely personal about the specific colleague. Just state that the team is continually short staffed and you are unable to pick up the slack. If they wring their hands then you can suggest they take it up with their own boss.

It isn’t your problem or colleagues problem that you have shit management.

A lot of what OP describes are not "emergencies"

This is correct but coupling with her coming in late and leaving early, this makes her unreliable and puts pressure on her colleagues to pick up the slack.

Management either need to address this and hope it gets resolved or they hire another worker.

I used to be a PA/receptionist/legal sec in a very small company. Only one other Legal Sec who would often book last minute holidays, get hers in before mine, go to the pub with our boss three times a week after lunch and return when I was leaving. Plus she didn’t work Fridays. I stayed there for 5 years and did all the extra work on time but left at normal times, didn’t come in earlier and took sick leave rarely. They didn’t want to hire temps (tricky to train legal secs in a day) but hired a friend as a temp who bullied me and also criticised the other lawyers and moaned a lot. I suggested we got temps for holiday cover but to do reception and admin work. One temp was so good she reorganised the filing system upstairs too. My legal PA colleague was thrilled with the arrangement as it meant she didn’t need to cover overflow phones and could type audio tapes so make up for me not being there. My main boss was equally thrilled with this even though he didn’t like paying temps or using agencies unless he had to. He saw the value though compared to the comparison (his friend). When I left (they tried to get me to stay) they actually outsourced reception and overflow typing to an external company rather than hire another legal sec/receptionist.

The law of the land is thatshe has the right to take time off to deal with emergencies for dependants. Lots of employers have found themselves in employment tribunals for not respecting this right

It’s sounds like your limit for covering has been reached especially as it seems an excess number of times. Management won’t do anything without you complaining as at the moment as far as they’re concerned it’s all working fine her ducking out and her colleagues covering.

I no longer work full time so don’t have this issue. I did work in a team with family responsibilities so do understand. If it is reciprocal then OK. If not then you are justified in your resentment.

I like the response by this poster - to isolate the issue and not make it personal. I hope that your team are all in agreement.

Good luck with the outcome

Ever heard of compassion fatigue? Where you are expected to show compassion constantly (often to your own detriment) over a very long period of time with no resolution or end in sight. I've been there, done that, and ended up resenting that I was paid the same, treated the same, just expected to arrange my life around someone else's personal life and work unpaid extra hours to facilitate this. Never have Christmas, Easter or half terms off, get an extra 2 hours urgent work dropped on my desk at 4pm that HAD to be done that day. Eventually yes you feel resentful towards that other person.

@Zerosleep Believe it or not, you aren't the only person here who's had plenty of management experience, or worked with others who have difficult home lives. There are some parents (and I do emphasise some) who seem to think that the entire world should revolve around their child care responsibilities.

If the manager has an agreement with the staff member that they can drop everything at a moment's notice on a regular basis, and not have to make up the work, then yes that's between the manager and staff member. But to then expect the other staff to cover, for no extra reward or consideration, time and again ad infinitum, is definitely a matter for the other staff.

If management do have an arrangement for the staff member to work fewer hours, but their notional workload is full time so needs to be done, then the team is understaffed. If the arrangement is for flexible working, then why doesn't the staff member pick up other's work to make up for the absences?

Your colleague isn't the issue. Your manager is the issue. They should find cover. This is exactly what temp agencies are for.

OP I think you are right to refuse to do the extra work or stay late. You have ended up resenting your colleague but it should be effecting the manager and not you. Your manager has been unfair on all of you.

Are you OP's colleague with childcare issues impacting the rest of the team? If so, not really helping yourself here 😬

What I got from the OP was that this situation is actually unnecessary because the colleagues DH is not pulling his weight, and as a result they are having to fill this gap for their colleague. I think that resentment is justified.

Last year my DH had to go on extra work trips and it turned out he was doing so as his colleague was pulling out of them as his wife was giving him grief over being away. So, me and my DC had to suck up more DH travel, forgo weekends and I had to take time off work because of this colleagues wife (she has form for being a really difficult person).

I was livid and asked my DH to say he couldn't pick up the slack any more and he did.

People don't leave bad jobs, they leave bad managers.
My workplace employed 2 people who could not do the job, so I was always being sent off site to do the job, because they couldn't do it. I complained and things got worse, so I left the job, and the women who now they were stuck with, still couldn't do the work. Fuck knows what they did!!

Personally I think it sounds like the OP is worn out. Has been doing the work for so long now because she has felt sorry for her friend and colleague. But is now physically drained and therefore it's starting to cause a strain.

All the OP has said they will do is not do the extra work... I don't think the OP planned to create a nasty atmosphere.

YANBU
But unfortunately for you, you come across as being quite hard nosed and lacking in compassion.

I’m guessing you don’t have kids, but you don’t need to have kids to have those qualities.

I don’t blame you for not doing her work, but don’t add to her pressure by being
unkind and creating a nasty atmosphere.

Have you actually tried talking to her (kindly)?

I hope it can be resolved for everyone including her.

Isolate your issue here. It is not that this person who has DC and a useless DH is going home early and being off work. This is a non starter because there are laws, GDPR, company policies etc. that protect her, and quite rightly so. One day you may be in a similar position. It's frustrating, but this is a road to nowhere for you.

The only argument that you have in this situation, is that you have extra work to do, deadlines are moved, and if you have to work extra hours or lunches. If this is the case, your argument is that you have extra work to do on top of your own, that it is causing you stress, affecting morale and that you want to know what is going to be done to address the unsustainable work load and extra hours. So, is it going to be time banked, paid, or can they get in a temp to cover it?

Write your manager an email. Make it formal, but don't mention the other woman at all. Address the extra work, stress only.

Why can't this woman, go home, and then log in and finish off her work at home?

I have a lot to say but you can’t argue with stupid so I am not bothering.

I had this in my last job and she was very open about her husband having a Big Important Job, so he couldn't possibly pitch in. She was run so ragged that she was often ill herself. For what it's worth, she eventually got let go and her DH is making it very hard for her to find alternative employment as he won't facilitate more hours.
This situation absolutely exists and it stinks.

😂 So you have no reasonable response. Thought so.