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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What do you find hot in a man? What do you think men like on a woman? Lighthearted Friday chat 🤷‍♀️

243 replies

freedomformeismotherhood · 10/04/2026 12:08

In a man:
Muscles
Height (sorry)
Aura - are they strong or weak?

I think straight men notice:
Skin (does it have that dewy look)
Shape
How much you care for yourself (manicure, hair, etc)

OP posts:
PeonyPatch · 10/04/2026 17:09

In a man:
I like dark haired men, dark eyes, kind, funny, active.
sense of humour and intelligence is the most attractive!

Blueyrocks · 10/04/2026 17:06

rurbane · 10/04/2026 16:28

Contrasts - so maybe an academic man who likes fixing cars, or a manual worker who likes growing flowers.

Clean, open minded, willing to ask questions, not petty or patronising.

I had never thought about it before but yes - contrasts!! - DH is strong and handy & has a physical job, but he also loves reading novels. And not Andy McNab/ Dan Brown - like, bookish novels, with a glass of wine, and the cat on his lap. And more generally, like someone said up thread, strong men being especially gentle - DH doing our girls plaits is just 😍

LittleMi55Nobody · 10/04/2026 17:05

freedomformeismotherhood · 10/04/2026 12:08

In a man:
Muscles
Height (sorry)
Aura - are they strong or weak?

I think straight men notice:
Skin (does it have that dewy look)
Shape
How much you care for yourself (manicure, hair, etc)

i dont go for skinny or muscles, i like a bit of meat on a man and a nice personality over looks any day

Firesidechatter · 10/04/2026 17:03

Illegally18 · 10/04/2026 16:58

Men don't want a woman who is more intelligent than themselves.

I do find this argument odd though, it’s like the posters have never met an intelligent woman who is in a happy relationship. A doctor, lawyer.dentist, vet. Banker, business manager. They think all intelligent women are single

its utter nonsense, and I’d even hazard a guess we all know couples were the woman seems way smarter than the man.

BitOutOfPractice · 10/04/2026 17:01

freedomformeismotherhood · 10/04/2026 12:08

In a man:
Muscles
Height (sorry)
Aura - are they strong or weak?

I think straight men notice:
Skin (does it have that dewy look)
Shape
How much you care for yourself (manicure, hair, etc)

What on earth do you mean by aura? 😳

I find massive muscles a big turn off. I’ll go for nice eyes, sense of humour, kindness.

I think men are much more shallow.

Firesidechatter · 10/04/2026 16:59

Illegally18 · 10/04/2026 16:58

Men don't want a woman who is more intelligent than themselves.

That’s different to wanting a woman less intelligent, wanting an equal is normal for both genders.

Illegally18 · 10/04/2026 16:58

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:09

I mean it's not really a trope when studies show that:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/navigating-the-love-gap/201802/do-men-really-not-want-to-date-intelligent-women

https://www.acsh.org/news/2015/10/30/are-men-threatened-by-intelligent-women

Men definitely state a preference for intelligent women theoretically. But it appears in practice, they don't?

Men don't want a woman who is more intelligent than themselves.

SuperMaria · 10/04/2026 16:55

omg the forearm cliche makes me cringe. I know that we all find it attractive but it’s always mentioned as if it’s some groundbreaking observation 🫢

Bonus points if it’s mentioned alongside reversing and holding passengers headrest.

Lararoft · 10/04/2026 16:52

Men generally notice on women imo:
Boobs
Bum
Hair
Smile

As a straight woman into men I notice on men:
Face
Body Shape
Eyes
Smile

TheChosenTwo · 10/04/2026 16:52

I like:
confidence
competence/capable
ability for cooking and cleaning
good hygiene including dental hygiene
cleanly dressed with non ugly footwear
similar sense of humour to me
fun light personality
ability to think quickly
generous (not a penny pinching cheapskate)

as to what men like?
Well our lists are quite diverse aren’t they? So I would presume there isn’t a one size fits all the other way round.

Devilsmommy · 10/04/2026 16:45

Heyhelga · 10/04/2026 15:42

Anything below five inches would be a disappointment but as long as they know what to do with it and they are funny and loyal then I'm happy.

What was the saying? It's not the size of the boat, it's the motion in the ocean 😂

Errolwasahero · 10/04/2026 16:40

L0V315 · 10/04/2026 12:18

Swords
Bare thighs
A bit of armour
A decent size cock

I was in a shop earlier, and a man in a kilt went in just before me; we had a bit of a laugh and… I mean, really and truly I go for kindness and intellect; but oh my days he could have just swept me off my feet there and then! Good job he didn’t have a sword too, that’s all I can say!

Springsucks · 10/04/2026 16:29

Itsallsostressful · 10/04/2026 15:35

Oh I love a good forearm !

Especially if they have rolled up shirt sleeves...😍

rurbane · 10/04/2026 16:28

Contrasts - so maybe an academic man who likes fixing cars, or a manual worker who likes growing flowers.

Clean, open minded, willing to ask questions, not petty or patronising.

DuckyDolittle · 10/04/2026 16:22

UnderHousemaid · 10/04/2026 15:53

Apparently not, in this poster's head. They either go for Sexy Boobs and Hair or Short, Round-Eyed and Silly.

If this were in fact the case, the human race would long since have ceased to exist.

We were asked to list physical features and qualities we find attractive, and men might find attractive. In my earlier post I said as I'm bi I find hands and eyea attractive in men and women, and qualities are self-assuredness, humour and intelligence. Then I noticed lots of people were saying men find big bums, big boobs, small waist, long hair attractive. I provided a counter point from my own experience that wasn't always the case.

honeylulu · 10/04/2026 16:20

I like (in men):
Intelligence
Funny/good humoured
Polite to hospitality staff (says a lot about character)
Competent (in a decent human being easy NOT an alpha male "I'm in charge" way)
Good hygiene
Good financial hygiene
A bit of initiative (but not too bossy)
Loyalty
Not obsessive about sport
Kind to animals
Not snobby
No Reform type views
Good cook
Can drive
Looks wise i have odd preferences - i tend to like men who are shorter than average, with longer than average hair. I have a bit of a penchant for gingers too!

What do I think men like about women? Very general as tastes can differ but in my experience:
Intelligence (I think men often think they don't want this but quickly lose respect/interest otherwise).
Some ambition and drive (see above)
Confidence and a bit of spark (men sometimes say they want a quiet partner who doesn't nag and kick off but again seem to bore quickly of passive types)
Sense of humour
Not too high maintenance
Even tempered
Looks wise: slim, long hair, not too much make up but fairly well groomed.

lifeisgoodrightnow · 10/04/2026 16:20

ChamonixMountainBum · 10/04/2026 12:13

Me
Me
Me
Me
Me
Me

This is uncanny.

Edited

And you’re a woman ( ;-) )

lifeisgoodrightnow · 10/04/2026 16:17

My husband is talk dark and handsome - the full cliche but most importantly he’s intelligent and funny and I still fancy him rotten ( married 30 years this weekend).

he tells me that manicures and heavy lipstick are big put offs for him - as is over coiffured hair (??) - but fit ( ie sporty), nice teeth, nonsmoking , intellect and humour are what does it for him and he prefers dark haired women. He went out with A LOT of women before me whereas I only went out with a handful of people.

DuckyDolittle · 10/04/2026 16:17

UnderHousemaid · 10/04/2026 15:36

Is that what you actually think men think?

I mean, do you find 'silliness' in men devastatingly attractive?

I can't speak for men, all I know is I'm not sexy, but I have a good sense of humour and am a laugh, and have been told I look cute, and I've done ok for myself. A lot of people are describing sexy women as being attractive, big boobs, small waist, bum. But I'm saying thay's not always the case.

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:10

ChamonixMountainBum · 10/04/2026 16:07

I think physical attractiveness is an asset insofar as getting noticed across a crowded room so to speak but if you are very pretty/handsome but have a very ugly personality you get found out very soon. Some shallow men might put up with that in the short term in order to sleep with said attractive person but if they are unpleasant/thick etc you can only feign interest for so long.

Yeah that's really not my experience! Being a hot awful woman still seems to keep female acquaintances I know in partnerships more than being a lovely ugly woman.

Especially with young men.

Wheelbarrowracer · 10/04/2026 16:10

Surely it depends on personal taste.

Long time since I met dh, but he was attracted to:
My legs (even though my boobs were immense back then)
My taste in music
My glasses
How easy i was to pull

Wouldn't have noticed my nails. Still doesn't.

I've always had a thing about dark hair. Dark, curly hair if we're going to be specific.
Taller than me (surprisingly difficult at 5'10)
Carrot shaped

It's not conscious, but it's pretty much every man i ever ended up with.

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:09

Firesidechatter · 10/04/2026 15:55

Of course, what an odd question, you think men aren’t attracted to naturally attractive women? If anything they are more attracted to women naturally attractive unless they are a porn obsessed teen.

i think the issue here is men are being treated here as one single brained species who all like the same thing, that’s not true. Men like all different things, obviously, as women are all different. And that changes with background, age, education level etc,

and there is a difference between immediate physical attraction and finding someone attractive. Physical will always play a part but getting to know someone their personality can make them more attractive or less.

and that’s why I think the poster saying men don’t like intelligent women is very wrong, my friendship circle and colleagues are all arguably very intelligent successful women, they have no trouble attracting a mate. And none of the men they are with would do anything more than consider a one night stand with a woman who came across as a bit thick or not very intelligent, they’d roll their eyes and move on.

there is only one man in our group who dated a woman who was not very intelligent and it didn’t last, he looked embarrassed when she opened her mouth sometimes and said something really stupid , some of the things she said was thick as, and I could see him cringe, as did everyone else, he ended it and it didn’t last long.

What got them together was physical attraction, what split them was her lack of intelligence, and I’d say if any of the women dated a man with similar issues, he’d not last long either.

there is a certain type of man who wants a thick woman, but that’s not the type of man any woman should wish to be with,

I mean it's not really a trope when studies show that:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/navigating-the-love-gap/201802/do-men-really-not-want-to-date-intelligent-women

https://www.acsh.org/news/2015/10/30/are-men-threatened-by-intelligent-women

Men definitely state a preference for intelligent women theoretically. But it appears in practice, they don't?

Do Men Really Not Want to Date Intelligent Women?

Studies ask how far men and women have progressed.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/navigating-the-love-gap/201802/do-men-really-not-want-to-date-intelligent-women

ChamonixMountainBum · 10/04/2026 16:07

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:01

I think physical attractiveness gets further than any of those with men tbh. When I think of women I know the hot crazy annoying women always seem to have a far easier time dating that the lovely women I know who are unfortunate looking.

I think physical attractiveness is an asset insofar as getting noticed across a crowded room so to speak but if you are very pretty/handsome but have a very ugly personality you get found out very soon. Some shallow men might put up with that in the short term in order to sleep with said attractive person but if they are unpleasant/thick etc you can only feign interest for so long.

JHound · 10/04/2026 16:01

ChamonixMountainBum · 10/04/2026 15:41

So men have no room for intelligence, humour, honesty, kindness, shared values etc when it comes to what they find attractive in a woman?

I think physical attractiveness gets further than any of those with men tbh. When I think of women I know the hot crazy annoying women always seem to have a far easier time dating that the lovely women I know who are unfortunate looking.

ChamonixMountainBum · 10/04/2026 16:01

Firesidechatter · 10/04/2026 15:55

Of course, what an odd question, you think men aren’t attracted to naturally attractive women? If anything they are more attracted to women naturally attractive unless they are a porn obsessed teen.

i think the issue here is men are being treated here as one single brained species who all like the same thing, that’s not true. Men like all different things, obviously, as women are all different. And that changes with background, age, education level etc,

and there is a difference between immediate physical attraction and finding someone attractive. Physical will always play a part but getting to know someone their personality can make them more attractive or less.

and that’s why I think the poster saying men don’t like intelligent women is very wrong, my friendship circle and colleagues are all arguably very intelligent successful women, they have no trouble attracting a mate. And none of the men they are with would do anything more than consider a one night stand with a woman who came across as a bit thick or not very intelligent, they’d roll their eyes and move on.

there is only one man in our group who dated a woman who was not very intelligent and it didn’t last, he looked embarrassed when she opened her mouth sometimes and said something really stupid , some of the things she said was thick as, and I could see him cringe, as did everyone else, he ended it and it didn’t last long.

What got them together was physical attraction, what split them was her lack of intelligence, and I’d say if any of the women dated a man with similar issues, he’d not last long either.

there is a certain type of man who wants a thick woman, but that’s not the type of man any woman should wish to be with,

It is bit of a lazy trope on here that men are scared of intelligent women as they cant control or win an argument against them which is a depressingly reductive view to have of half the population.