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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What do you find hot in a man? What do you think men like on a woman? Lighthearted Friday chat 🤷‍♀️

243 replies

freedomformeismotherhood · 10/04/2026 12:08

In a man:
Muscles
Height (sorry)
Aura - are they strong or weak?

I think straight men notice:
Skin (does it have that dewy look)
Shape
How much you care for yourself (manicure, hair, etc)

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Bluedenimdoglover · 13/04/2026 16:25

Men who don't love themselves more than they love me.

Me - as my father always said - you are first prize - and make sure they know it 😂

UnderHousemaid · 13/04/2026 12:35

Westfacing · 13/04/2026 12:21

There was a lovely thread recently about Danny Di Vito - the OP said she would and many of us agreed with her😊

He's about 5 foot!

Yes, he's a good example of someone who could be considered attractive without being in any way conventionally good-looking.

StripyShirt · 13/04/2026 12:34

freedomformeismotherhood · 10/04/2026 12:20

Really?

Maybe straight men like them clean and neat though?

Overly manicured nails suggest low intelligence.

Westfacing · 13/04/2026 12:21

freedomformeismotherhood · 12/04/2026 20:44

It's just a personal thing

Tall is better to sleep with, imo

There's a lady above who has dated shorter, it wasn't a bit deal she said x

There was a lovely thread recently about Danny Di Vito - the OP said she would and many of us agreed with her😊

He's about 5 foot!

freedomformeismotherhood · 12/04/2026 23:09

Multijoy · 12/04/2026 23:07

Absolutely. And in addition to this…. I have a fairly extensive personal sample size and my conclusions are, for my body anyway:

  1. great length can often be too long- banging against cervix and forcing you to be careful just when you want to fully go wild. I personally lose interest at around 8 inches, at which point it becomes something to ‘manage’ more than enjoy.
  2. girth is for me more correlated with extreme pleasure. That said one of my best experiences was with the thinnest cock I’ve ever encountered. That was because of the…..
  3. Angle when erect. Upward bending- incredible for g-spot especially face to face (very long cocks also tend to bypass said gspot)
  4. different cocks are great for different positions. The Man who made me most ecstatic in one position, was just average for another…. While that other position spins me to the heights for a different shaped man.
  5. Skill and attitude go a long way…. But not all the way!

You seem iconic 🙌🙌😄🥰

Sex And The City Samantha GIF
OP posts:
Multijoy · 12/04/2026 23:07

YerMotherWasAHamster · 10/04/2026 15:09

Not really. Some of them dont gain much length but others seem to balloon out of nowhere!

One minute it's a little fat ball and the next minute it can poke your eye out from across the room.

Absolutely. And in addition to this…. I have a fairly extensive personal sample size and my conclusions are, for my body anyway:

  1. great length can often be too long- banging against cervix and forcing you to be careful just when you want to fully go wild. I personally lose interest at around 8 inches, at which point it becomes something to ‘manage’ more than enjoy.
  2. girth is for me more correlated with extreme pleasure. That said one of my best experiences was with the thinnest cock I’ve ever encountered. That was because of the…..
  3. Angle when erect. Upward bending- incredible for g-spot especially face to face (very long cocks also tend to bypass said gspot)
  4. different cocks are great for different positions. The Man who made me most ecstatic in one position, was just average for another…. While that other position spins me to the heights for a different shaped man.
  5. Skill and attitude go a long way…. But not all the way!
hmmhahahoho · 12/04/2026 20:51

freedomformeismotherhood · 12/04/2026 20:44

It's just a personal thing

Tall is better to sleep with, imo

There's a lady above who has dated shorter, it wasn't a bit deal she said x

I am not sure it is just a personal thing. I was brought up in the UK with everyone around me thinking tall is superior, so all my boyfriends and fiances were tall (there were more than one fiance, I was nicknamed runaway bride sadly)
Until one day i realised that it was an insane and very unreliable way of picking a partner, along with the rest of my insane checklist - and I do think it is partly the way girls are brought up in the UK
So I felt like you for a long time
But I am height blind now and go more for what is inside : )

freedomformeismotherhood · 12/04/2026 20:44

hmmhahahoho · 12/04/2026 20:41

I don't understand the tall thing. I think to favour height is a form of irrationality or even madness.

And a very English thing, probably. In most countries (probably (I didn't check)) 90 percent of men are going to be under 5'9 and I doubt height would come into it at all for women in those countries?

It's just a personal thing

Tall is better to sleep with, imo

There's a lady above who has dated shorter, it wasn't a bit deal she said x

OP posts:
hmmhahahoho · 12/04/2026 20:41

freedomformeismotherhood · 12/04/2026 14:04

Can play the guitar

Stands tall in the crowds at Glastonbury 🤭

I don't understand the tall thing. I think to favour height is a form of irrationality or even madness.

And a very English thing, probably. In most countries (probably (I didn't check)) 90 percent of men are going to be under 5'9 and I doubt height would come into it at all for women in those countries?

hmmhahahoho · 12/04/2026 20:34

In a man:
Love
Kindness
Honesty
Chemistry I guess is a subconscious thing
Critical thinking, interested in the world around them and who gives a shiny
I really do find these things hot!

In a woman:
The man I'd be interested in would value similar things, but I would say statistically the majority of men it would probably be just bajoobas.
(Edited to say "not all men")

freedomformeismotherhood · 12/04/2026 20:32

Sparkysmum · 12/04/2026 20:28

At first glance, it is their looks, however it is someone with lovely eyes.
Honesty is wanted.
Kind

What men want certainly isn't me.
Kept getting told I am nice but men do not want that. Lol

Oh @Sparkysmum

Maybe try being a bitch? I've heard men like that 🤢

I've been told i'm nice as well x

OP posts:
Sparkysmum · 12/04/2026 20:28

At first glance, it is their looks, however it is someone with lovely eyes.
Honesty is wanted.
Kind

What men want certainly isn't me.
Kept getting told I am nice but men do not want that. Lol

freedomformeismotherhood · 12/04/2026 14:04

Can play the guitar

Stands tall in the crowds at Glastonbury 🤭

OP posts:
Thechaseison71 · 12/04/2026 14:02

Devilsmommy · 10/04/2026 13:06

Are you me? I married a clean shaven, bald but very hairy bodied builder. Seeing him all filthy in orange hi Vis still makes me weak at the knees🤭 oh and he's definitely not skinny either

Sounds like we have similar rates in men.

ChamonixMountainBum · 11/04/2026 18:15

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 11/04/2026 00:27

Competence, kindness and personality. Love men with a sense of humour/a little bit filthy.

Like he gets covered in mud after gardening?

TheNameWasOnceChosen · 11/04/2026 18:12

freedomformeismotherhood · 10/04/2026 21:03

Did you not find it awkward being out with them and kissing them? 👀

Genuine question, not being rude?

Nope, we were just different heights.

freedomformeismotherhood · 11/04/2026 00:30

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 11/04/2026 00:27

Competence, kindness and personality. Love men with a sense of humour/a little bit filthy.

'A little bit filthy' 😄 very much agree

OP posts:
Sunshineandgrapefruit · 11/04/2026 00:27

Competence, kindness and personality. Love men with a sense of humour/a little bit filthy.

Illegally18 · 11/04/2026 00:19

Firesidechatter · 10/04/2026 16:59

That’s different to wanting a woman less intelligent, wanting an equal is normal for both genders.

Hmmm, not sure I agree....

FoolOfShips · 10/04/2026 22:54

Velumental · 10/04/2026 22:48

I don't know if I agree, I absolutely would have jumped into bed with my husband as soon as I experienced sexual attraction towards him, my point being I wasn't not 'jumpibg into bed' with men I saw as objectively attractive, I just had no desire to have sex with them. If I felt that level of sexual attraction frequently I'd have a much higher 'body count'.

That's exactly what I mean, it's totally normal not to feel immediate sexual attraction, even if someone aesthetically ticks all the boxes, it's commonplace that you need to get to know them before sexual urges kick in.

I'm not saying everyone is like that, but what I mean is it's not an obscure, niche way to be that requires the label of 'demi sexual' - there are probably more people, especially women, who feel like that, than people who would feel the desire to have sex with someone before they'd got to know them at all.

Velumental · 10/04/2026 22:48

FoolOfShips · 10/04/2026 22:45

But I think 'demi sexual' actually means just 'normal' for a vast number of people, in other words, it's a meaningless term. So you don't leap into bed with everyone you find visually attractive, your brain and emotions have to be engaged before you start to want sex with them. That's not any kind of unusual or different 'sexuality' - that's how it is for many people. It really annoys me when people stick a label on what is normal human behaviour,

I don't know if I agree, I absolutely would have jumped into bed with my husband as soon as I experienced sexual attraction towards him, my point being I wasn't not 'jumpibg into bed' with men I saw as objectively attractive, I just had no desire to have sex with them. If I felt that level of sexual attraction frequently I'd have a much higher 'body count'.

FoolOfShips · 10/04/2026 22:45

Velumental · 10/04/2026 22:08

I recently read a definition of demi sexual and it absolutely describe the wah attraction works for me. Each serious relationship I've had (there have been 3, most recently 20 yes with my husband) I've suddenly become attracted to the person after conversation and getting to know them. Like I objectively frequently think someone is attractive physically and had lots of first dates back between relationships and they just didn't go anywhere as I had no romantic interest after a single conversation it was just not there. So I've had a date for instance with a very objectively attractive man who slept in my bed that night and I just didn't feel any sexual attraction. Yet my husband kissed me on the second date walking me to a bus stop and I'd absolutely have ahagged him in the street the attraction was so instant and overwhelming. Still is actually 20 yes later.

What men find attractive, I dunno I have to assume it's complex and multifaceted as it is for me.

But I think 'demi sexual' actually means just 'normal' for a vast number of people, in other words, it's a meaningless term. So you don't leap into bed with everyone you find visually attractive, your brain and emotions have to be engaged before you start to want sex with them. That's not any kind of unusual or different 'sexuality' - that's how it is for many people. It really annoys me when people stick a label on what is normal human behaviour,

ChamonixMountainBum · 10/04/2026 22:44

Blueyrocks · 10/04/2026 17:42

The intelligence thing is weird to me. I have no idea if I am intelligent or come across as intelligent, think unlikely for several reasons. And it's not something I think about at all with men. If they're funny, can have a good conversation, interested in the same kinds of subjects I like to talk about, that all matters, but that's more like conversation chemistry than objective intelligence I think. And I don't know if the kind of intelligence that makes people doctors or architects or curators is at all the same. Definitely see the attraction of doctors, but that's because of the powerful - caring combo, which works for me in many variations.

To me intelligence is not having some PHD certificate on the wall or being chartered in some professional career. Its just being switched on, emotional and social intelligence, being able to read the room, aware of current affairs, curious, self awareness, not afraid to change your mind etc.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 10/04/2026 22:08

freedomformeismotherhood · 10/04/2026 22:02

I dunno why the manicure comment is getting so many people's backs up?! 😄😄😄

I mean - are your nails neat and clean? Are they filed nicely? You dont have odd length, unkempt nails, do you? That's what I mean

Kind of like you take good care of yourself and arent at all scruffy?

Ofc personality is important - but its looks i'm concerned with today 🤷‍♀️

😂😂it really did get my back up. I just thought no man has ever been interested in my nails unless he wanted them scratching down his back. Although you have jogged my memory on something. I wouldn't dream of doing it now as I have old lady toes but in my youth it wasn't uncommon for girls to not have nail polish on toes as long as toes were nice. I went to a local pub and some random bloke had a go at me because I didn't have nail polish on my toes. I wish I could go back in time with my older lady attitude and tell him to go and fuck himself. 😂

Velumental · 10/04/2026 22:08

I recently read a definition of demi sexual and it absolutely describe the wah attraction works for me. Each serious relationship I've had (there have been 3, most recently 20 yes with my husband) I've suddenly become attracted to the person after conversation and getting to know them. Like I objectively frequently think someone is attractive physically and had lots of first dates back between relationships and they just didn't go anywhere as I had no romantic interest after a single conversation it was just not there. So I've had a date for instance with a very objectively attractive man who slept in my bed that night and I just didn't feel any sexual attraction. Yet my husband kissed me on the second date walking me to a bus stop and I'd absolutely have ahagged him in the street the attraction was so instant and overwhelming. Still is actually 20 yes later.

What men find attractive, I dunno I have to assume it's complex and multifaceted as it is for me.