AIBU to wonder what work are expecting me to do?

I haven’t read all of the replies so apologise if this has already been said. But for your children with SEND, do they have a care package (direct payments) that could be used to employ someone from their school on a regular basis to provide after school care? Even if they don’t have direct payments it might be worth contacting their schools to see if anyone would be able to provide after school support.

You can request an EHCNA yourself now. On their website IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

You don’t need an EHCP to be eligible for transport. There are different ways of qualifying. For compulsory school aged DC, one way is via distance, if DC are attending the nearest suitable school and the shortest suitable walking distance is more than 2 miles for DC2 and 3 miles for DC1 they would be eligible. Another way is if they can’t reasonably be expected to walk to school because of their SEN whatever the distance. You would still need someone at home to meet the transport, though.

I feel for you op. Childcare is one of the biggest stresses. I really hope you find a solution.

Offer that they pay for a nanny 😂😂😂

If you are invaluable to the company, you should angle for a decent payrise.

Ultimately, children and childcare cost money. Has your husband looked at work on the side to make up the pay cut he's taken? Or come out of work and claim disability benefits for his mental health? While I understand coming off nightshifts, they are truly awful, you must have considered the finacial viability of this situation before. Obviously the job market is not great at the moment, but from what I can see you both need to start looking for a more tenable solution.

I am not entirely sure what you want out of this thread.

Also do the two children with SEN have EHCPs? You could ask for a review and request school transport. Obviously the timings in the morning would need to be worked out and in the afternoon they could be dropped at the nursery whilst your eldest is walked by nursery staff.

Could you get an SEN buggy for the child who is a flight risk?

Can you clarify what you’re earning. £1800 after tax doesn’t sound like you’re earning enough to be selling your soul and doing the hours you’re doing. I assumed your contract was 37.5 hours before but if it is actual 40 you should be getting a higher rate for that.

I think you need to condense it down in to what you can do, not what you can't.

So focus on
On x days I can work x hours
On x day I need to finish at x time
And see if your work pattern can be adjusted accordingly

You cannot work from home and supervise 3 children as sole adult at the same time, sorry, but you just can't. There are health and safety implications, also you would not be goving 100% either to work or your children.

Squirrelchops1 makes a great suggestion

Which is absolutely normal. I paid for 8 years of nursery and 10 years of after school club in total. Nothing unusual about that.

It sounds like they HAVE been flexible for a couple of months though.

You do realise most parents are in the same boat with one parent basically working for the price of childcare? It's just what happens when kids are small and need full time care... its not a "bad run".

The childcare does exist you’re just not willing to try it.

You could look at a PA for children with SEND role rather than a nanny or childminder with the direct payments (just opens up another potential group of people) - although still could be difficult to find. Sometimes TAs working part time in specialist schools do it.

Really sad how some people on this thread seem to think a workplace just does not need to be flexible. They pay you for work, they don't own you and you don't owe them your soul. Doesn't sound like OP is a casualty nurse or something, it's so old-fashioned to act like she's asking for the moon here.

Also funny the number of people (probably Londoners and South-Easterners) who don't seem to get that there are plenty of places in the UK where hiring a nanny just isn't possible because no-one does it and no-one within a feasible distance actually wants that work. Presuming there's uni students even living within a distance that would make it worthwhile them taking that work.

Ah, ok, that's rough. I don't think there's a resolution to that part of the problem then.

You said your husband has been picking up night shifts at his old job. I think you also stated that DH could reduce his hours at the new job. If so, could he drop a day at the new job and do a couple of night shifts? Doesn't have to be forever.

He took a pay cut, so obviously nights pays better. It might free up some childcare time or bring in some extra money to pay for it. I've done nights. It's hard to do several in a row, much easier in isolation. It's not ideal but you need to come up with something

I haven’t had time to read the full thread so forgive me if this has been mentioned. If your children have SEND, you may be entitled to direct payments which you could use to pay for specialist childcare. You could contact your children with disabilities service at your local council to see what they offer. It may be on the local offer page of your local council website (although it probably won’t be as it’s often not promoted).

I’m disappointed to read the first replies on this thread. Where’s the support for a woman trying to juggle work and family life? It’s incredibly difficult, even more so when your children have additional needs. As a society we need to do better to support families.

We have not afterschool here either. Since having my daughter i have asked my work to work 6-2, so i can pick her up and my husband works 8:30-4:30 and does school drop off. Would this be a possibility on your husband office days? Could he go in super early instead of staying late? Our daughter has sen and wouldn't be ok in afterschool or holiday clubs, so it feels a bit like military operation daily but we make it work .

This seems like good advice to me