AIBU to wonder what work are expecting me to do?

Looks good, but if you aren’t adding 2 hrs 40 mins in somewhere else across the week you are likely going to get your pay reflecting that.

sorry - meant to quote your proposal.

If you’ve got a week booked off in June how are you covering the school holidays?

You should really label AI generated content as such.

The legal right is to request and have considered. Not agreed. There may be limits to what they will accept and it would take 3 years with a tail wind for OP’s tribunal case to be heard.

OP needs a plan B for if the company say no.

Can your husband have anyone else’s kids one or two days a week after school in exchange for them having yours on other days?

This is what a few of us do here as our kids don’t like the after school club. It works really well: nobody has to pay for childcare and I find it’s actually easier to get stuff done when mine has a friend or two round to play with.

I read the opening post but not the whole thread so apologies if repeating.

Your DH will be taking and picking up the kids three days a week. If he can possibly do more that would be great, but I think comments that he needs to be more flexible is just Mumsnet man-bashing.

Your dad can also do one evening a week some weeks at least, which is amazing.

I know it is expensive, but as an interim measure could you stretch to the taxi for your mum once a week, twice when your dad cannot help? That would seem the simplest solution, but does have a cost attached. However, if it means keeping your job in the longer term that may cost less in the long run.

I do understand your concern re nursery. One of our DDs is a flight risk and it is a nightmare just sitting waiting for the phone to ring to say they've gone again. Also, once they've done it once the nursery probably won't have them back, so that isn't a long term solution.

Good luck.

Well, you tell them clearly the only way around your dilemma (if above solution proposed above with H changing his hours, is not acceptable to him & his employers) are, the children need a cab, or a nanny. or both, & that you can't afford it. So you need a raise.
Honestly they will save money. They give you a generous pay rise, & you will be in situ 5 days a week.
The line manager needs replacing or at least talked to, & the new supervisor needs to jump to or be replaced.
It sounds like they need to employ several new people, they can't afford to lose you so this is the time, you say, "I need X salary & the problem goes away."

The other main staff member that reports to me is good, but he doesn't like my line manager and seems to rile her up when I am off by not following process (which are a bit overkill and he doesn't like doing).

OP, this isn't your problem and needs to be addressed directly with him. You can't have staff sabotaging the work because they don't like her. This is part of the problem. Your employer needs to be dealing with this.

This is a key factor in ensuring things can function without you. This is one way your employer absolutely can and should be supporting you with. It seems that you being 'indispensable' is partly down to their lack of intervention to prevent it.

I don't mean to impose but are your children safe with your husband alone? Given he'll be doing 3 days of childcare and juggling work from home?

Out of interest, what do you do in the holidays? I imagine even both your and your husband’s annual leave doesn’t cover it. Sorry if asked before I haven’t read all the messages.

I would offer to reduce hours on the 2 days as you’ve suggested this I assume that is a viable financial option for you. If you are taking the respective pay cut, so they would be saving money, they might be open to it. Worth at least asking.

I would be very worried that they would let you go.

I was supposedly indispensable at one of my roles until the big boss wanted rid of me. Everything fell apart but he refused to backtrack.

Can your husband flex his hours if you can't?

Never say you're looking at other, more flexible options, which is a not-so-subtle way of threatening that you might quit. No-one is indispensable and they might think it would be easier to bring in someone new who could be there standard working hours. I've seen several cases where this has backfired spectacularly on colleagues who've tried this tactic. It makes you look less reasonable, less able to negotiate, less likely to stay and less reliable.

No one is sadly irreplaceable in a work place so I do think you need to alter your mindset a little, and I say that as someone who in their previous role always went above and beyond, managed a small team and was told that they couldn’t manage without me.
I left due to childcare issues, eldest child ASD to a role that was a better fit around the family as I needed to be on hand and despite a few bumps and moans, my old place carried on well with my replacement, nothing fell apart and after awhile I was all but forgotten about (I stayed in touch with a few good friends I had made)
I would ask for condensed hours so longer days on the days your DH is working from home with shorter days between the school hours on the days your husband is in the office.
Your DH needs to make sure he is able to do the school runs when he is working from
home and then making up the hours when you are at home. He may need to submit a flexible working request to do this.
Whilst your childcare/marital problems are not your employers problem, I would explain that the schools offer no wrap around care and there doesn’t seem to be a viable alternative option which is why condensed hours would work better for you.
They are asking for the meeting not to be difficult, but to try and resolve the problem.
If they refuse the condensed hours/flexible working then you’ll have no alternative but to find alternative employment.
If they value you, they’ll make it work. If they don’t and aren’t particularly bothered about you staying they will deny the request and you’ll know that you’ve been expending time and effort above and beyond for a small company that doesn’t really care.
If they deny the request I think that despite your claim of being the glue that holds things together, they are prepared to come unstuck.

Ok, well I would still be concerned in your shoes. Perhaps you are right and they want to understand what you can do to formalise it for planning purposes.

But, I think you have to consider the possibility that although your employers have tried to be supportive, I would agree with you that does have an expiry date. It was always going to- why that date is now could be because of your/your departments performance. You say if you aren’t there to manage them it all falls apart- well, sometimes you aren’t there. Sometimes when you are logged in you are caring for 3 young children. I would be surprised if that hasn't impacted work in some way (possibly ways you aren’t aware- I’ve seen this happen where colleagues have not noticed performance issues when there have been)- perhaps that has now reached a point where your management team feel it is no longer sustainable? Perhaps the incompetence you yourself have identified when it comes to your team is showing and it’s concerning them?

How much of the training and delivery of operations are you responsible for? What have you done to address the incompetence you have identified in those who report to you (you have said several times your colleagues are incompetent to the point of that they cannot manage without escalating to you)? If you aren’t responsible for managing training/overseeing the performance of your supervisees and addressing any problems have you made your manger aware of your concerns regarding the teams lack of competence (as I would assume the departmental manager must carry these responsiblitoes if you do not)? As the supervisor, it’s all well and good to complain they rely on you due to their incompetence- but that is at least partially your failure if those you supervise aren’t capable of doing their jobs and you haven’t addressed it, or escalated it if was not within your scope of practice to manage. If this is the case, you might not be in as strong a position as you might like and you need to be prepared to address that when identifying how you think flexible working would be workable..

This makes the most sense. They might just go for this and it's legal re breaks and doesn't involve extra childcare expense or attempting to work around children. It's a solution.

You say you've made bad decisions financially as a couple in the past. Don't make this one: jacking in/losing a somewhat flexible job just as another cost of living crisis is about to hit!

After school nanny.

do you claim any DLA for your 2 SEN children? If so can use that.

when my children were younger we had to pay a lot of money for childcare ( no funding like there is now and I literally worked a month’s salary and got £110 from it if I paid all the childcare. Those years were tough).

How dare your manager tell you leave your husband if he is suicidal! If I had mental health needs, I don't know what my husband would do if his boss told him to leave me.
Apart from how nasty this is (potentially letting your kids grow up knowing they lost their dad this way, and maybe blaming you), it's stupid too-because does this manager expect you'd meet a new man the following day who was happy to look after your kids around the work schedule? And would you let a man you'd just met do this, even if such a unicorn existed?
I would ask union advice (or similar).

This post expresses what I’ve struggled to articulate. If you lead a team that only functions properly when you are there, your team would be identified as high-risk by any management consultant worth their salt. No well-run business will be happy to sustain that level of uncertainty long-term, presumably that’s why they’re wanting to resolve the situation with you.

Honestly, I wish you the best of luck finding a solution but I do think you may be overestimating your perceived value to the business at this point.

They are obliged to consider it if there is a business case. They aren’t obliged to grant it if there was a good reason.

It’s not the employer’s responsibility to bend over backwards for you just because your circumstances have changed. I’m sure they will try to help but you would be better off getting another job