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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to worry about elderly relative travelling to Eire without insurance?

192 replies

PlayingGracesByMyself · 09/04/2026 21:54

Elderly relative (mid 80s) with complex health problems - heart, blood pressure, very recent stroke. All being well managed through complex cocktail of medications and they are actually brighter than they have been for ages.

Determined to accompany their friends on a 5 day coach trip to Dublin and Cork. Insurance not looking possible though we will keep trying.

Family feel strongly that they should go and the benefits outweigh the risks. They will be covered for any hospital treatment while they are there.

So the risks are basically their friends having to fend any initial health problems , one of us having to fly out to support them if there is any serious issue, managing a long stay in a hospital outside the UK and at the worst repatriation.

I feel it's endearingly optimistic but a bit bonkers. Everyone eise thinks it's their life so their decision. Obviously we can't stop them but we could try to persuade them if we thought it was really unwise.

Any thoughts?

YABU - YOLO, encourage them to go for it
YANBU - could end in (expensive) tears

OP posts:
Rookrookaroundthetree · 10/04/2026 21:56

As there is no real border in the whole of Ireland. Do people who cross the border to work/shop etc all have medical insurance.
Because lots of people live in one country and work in the other?

AnSpideog · 10/04/2026 21:26

Also Irish and weighed in. Totally accept it wasn’t meant to be a slur or anything. I know you were posting in good faith.

Hope you get insurance sorted. At least you don’t have to worry about emergency healthcare which is on a par with the UK.

Darkdiamond · 10/04/2026 20:18

justasking111 · 09/04/2026 23:48

As an Irish person myself some of you are not behaving well at all.

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I am also Irish and also think this is a completely unnecessary thread derail.

RampantIvy · 10/04/2026 18:52

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/04/2026 18:41

ÈęƴțďâɓhÇł

Just 🤣
practising.

😁

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/04/2026 18:41

ÈęƴțďâɓhÇł

Just 🤣
practising.

RampantIvy · 10/04/2026 17:49

LondonBaby26 · 10/04/2026 14:08

  1. Hold down the Alt Gr button + vowel for áéíóú
  2. Hold down Alt Gr + vowel + shift for ÁÉÍÓÚ
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Oh my word. This is brilliant, thank you. Every day is a school day.

I agree with you @likelysuspect . I feel that @AgathaHoccleve posts are deliberately needling and unpleasant.

To be fair I have learned a lot about Éire (see what I did 😁), Ireland and how some posters think that the ignorance of some of the other posters is deliberate, when it is obvious that the OP was absolutely not being goady in the slightest.

likelysuspect · 10/04/2026 14:48

AgathaHoccleve · 10/04/2026 11:54

You used retro-colonial language and behaved as if Ireland were some kind of outpost of civilisation. It's tiringly common from a certain type of British person.

It's still not clear what exactly you want from these threads. It's not your decision whether your elderly relative travels.

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What a disgusting post

LondonBaby26 · 10/04/2026 14:08

RampantIvy · 09/04/2026 23:21

That's brilliant. I never knew this. Just goes to show I never type in French on my phone.

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  1. Hold down the Alt Gr button + vowel for áéíóú
  2. Hold down Alt Gr + vowel + shift for ÁÉÍÓÚ
Original poster
PlayingGracesByMyself · 10/04/2026 13:00

Yes, just realised responding is keeping this one alive. Will stop now but thanks to all who actually read and responded to my posts.

OP posts:
Evaka · 10/04/2026 12:54

PlayingGracesByMyself · 10/04/2026 12:45

People who have read the full thread and given me the slightest fraction of benefit of the doubt have given me thoughtful and useful feedback. There are several posts on the new thread that have offered new insight so I'm glad I did as suggested and posted it.

There is literally nowhere that I have implied Ireland has a second class health care system.

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OP I'd leave this thread and move on. Some really unhinged vibes have been unleashed x

Evaka · 10/04/2026 12:53

AgathaHoccleve · 10/04/2026 11:54

You used retro-colonial language and behaved as if Ireland were some kind of outpost of civilisation. It's tiringly common from a certain type of British person.

It's still not clear what exactly you want from these threads. It's not your decision whether your elderly relative travels.

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Arghhhh! Are you ok?!

InterestedDad37 · 10/04/2026 12:50

PlayingGracesByMyself · 09/04/2026 21:59

I thought it was clearer that I meant Southern Ireland, am I wrong?

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No problem calling it Eire, just don't call it 'Southern Ireland' . 👍
'The Republic of Ireland' if you want to make it clear to the wilfully ignorant 🙂

Original poster
PlayingGracesByMyself · 10/04/2026 12:45

AgathaHoccleve · 10/04/2026 11:54

You used retro-colonial language and behaved as if Ireland were some kind of outpost of civilisation. It's tiringly common from a certain type of British person.

It's still not clear what exactly you want from these threads. It's not your decision whether your elderly relative travels.

Show quote history

People who have read the full thread and given me the slightest fraction of benefit of the doubt have given me thoughtful and useful feedback. There are several posts on the new thread that have offered new insight so I'm glad I did as suggested and posted it.

There is literally nowhere that I have implied Ireland has a second class health care system.

OP posts:
Galtymore · 10/04/2026 12:00

I’m embarrassed by what you’re saying @AgathaHoccleve. I’m Irish. OP made an innocent and understandable mistake about the name of the country. She has been nothing but respectful throughout. You’re being horrible.

It is normal to be worried about an elderly relative in poor health and to try and help mitigate any risks they might face.

AgathaHoccleve · 10/04/2026 11:54

PlayingGracesByMyself · 10/04/2026 11:02

The useful feedback has been named insurance companies who may insure complex medical conditions. Someone suggested a specialist broker and I have asked if anyone CDM recommend one.

The lived experience of those whose relatives have gone abroad without insurance has been very helpful. The costs of those who've had to pay for medical repatriation also useful.

My mistake was probably to post on AIBU which is always combative and not the elderly parents board which understands the tension between respecting independent decision making and then having to pick up the pieces when it all goes wrong.

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You used retro-colonial language and behaved as if Ireland were some kind of outpost of civilisation. It's tiringly common from a certain type of British person.

It's still not clear what exactly you want from these threads. It's not your decision whether your elderly relative travels.

Galtymore · 10/04/2026 11:52

WearyAuldWumman · 10/04/2026 01:57

If it's any consolation, I was once pulled up for the same thing.
I'm nearly 66 and mistakenly thought that I was being respectful.

In tangental news, I sent a card with a wedding present in it addressed to a friend with the final line as Republic of Ireland.

The Royal Mail sent it to Poland.

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Oh dear, that was really very annoying.

It might have been because Poland is officially The Republic of Poland, but Ireland is simply Ireland and that’s clearer on a letter? Though the Republic of Ireland is used too (and can be useful if you need to distinguish between the country and the island) the actual, official name of the country is Ireland (in English).
Some Irish people also seem to be unaware of this btw (looking at you DH 😁).

The gang at the sorting office must have been half asleep though!!

I’m really sorry this thread was derailed so much that OP had to start another. PP is right, it is very embarrassing. I wish people would rtft or at least all an OP’s posts before replying. The issue, an innocent mistake, was addressed very early on.

Evaka · 10/04/2026 11:43

Irish person here. The OP apologised for her innocent mistake, those who went on and on about Éire vs Ireland are embarrassing themselves. She's had to start a new thread to get sensible responses to her completely legit concerns ffs.

Thechaseison71 · 10/04/2026 11:36

PlayingGracesByMyself · 10/04/2026 10:35

If you read the updates, death is not the issue. The biggest challenge would be a long hospital stay. Which is not an impossible scenario at this point.

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The reply was to someone else

Original poster
PlayingGracesByMyself · 10/04/2026 11:03

Galtymore · 10/04/2026 10:59

Ah seriously!
Did you not read the OP’s posts, even the first one?

So the risks are basically their friends having to fend any initial health problems, one of us having to fly out to support them if there is any serious issue, managing a long stay in a hospital outside the UK and at the worst repatriation.

Is it too risky, especially if they can’t get insurance, is the question?

Edited
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Thank you! 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
PlayingGracesByMyself · 10/04/2026 11:02

AgathaHoccleve · 10/04/2026 10:54

But what is your question? We can’t know whether your relative is going to need repatriation or an extended hospital stay!

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The useful feedback has been named insurance companies who may insure complex medical conditions. Someone suggested a specialist broker and I have asked if anyone CDM recommend one.

The lived experience of those whose relatives have gone abroad without insurance has been very helpful. The costs of those who've had to pay for medical repatriation also useful.

My mistake was probably to post on AIBU which is always combative and not the elderly parents board which understands the tension between respecting independent decision making and then having to pick up the pieces when it all goes wrong.

OP posts:
Galtymore · 10/04/2026 10:59

AgathaHoccleve · 10/04/2026 10:54

But what is your question? We can’t know whether your relative is going to need repatriation or an extended hospital stay!

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Ah seriously!
Did you not read the OP’s posts, even the first one?

So the risks are basically their friends having to fend any initial health problems, one of us having to fly out to support them if there is any serious issue, managing a long stay in a hospital outside the UK and at the worst repatriation.

Is it too risky, especially if they can’t get insurance, is the question?

Galtymore · 10/04/2026 10:56

PlayingGracesByMyself · 10/04/2026 10:16

Have been advised by Mumsnet to start a new thread as this one will make no sense if I change the title. Link here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5515046-aibu-to-worry-about-elderly-relative-travelling-to-ireland-without-insurance?reply=151609784&utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

Very sorry you’ve had to do that OP. Hope you and your mum are able to get things sorted for the trip.

Original poster
PlayingGracesByMyself · 10/04/2026 10:56

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/04/2026 10:46

Why on earth have you started another thread?

Mumsnet advised me to because this one was totally dominated by discussion of the thread title and they felt it was too late to change it, which was what I initially requested.

I guess I'm trying to respect the views of those who found the original title offensive.

In among the derailment there was some useful feedback and I am finding the discussion useful so did not want to end it.

OP posts:
AgathaHoccleve · 10/04/2026 10:54

PlayingGracesByMyself · 10/04/2026 10:40

That wasn't my question. I stated in the OP that I understood that.

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But what is your question? We can’t know whether your relative is going to need repatriation or an extended hospital stay!

Galtymore · 10/04/2026 10:54

Thechaseison71 · 10/04/2026 08:29

Why would repatriation definitely be needed though if someone one dies? I spent months each year abroad ( much further than ireland) If I was to die while I'm away what good would it do me or anyone else lugging my body back to the UK?

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I think the worry is the cost of transporting someone who is very ill and hospitalised back to their home country.
That is hugely expensive.
(Much more so than if someone has died.)

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