Page 3 | AIBU to hate what's just happened at work?

AbbotSade1985 · 2026-04-09T20:53:27+00:00

Worked on a project for the best part of 18 months. Led the project, which was quite technical, and controlled a large number of teams. The project was launched earlier this week and all went well. Someone in my team, equal to my level, joined 2 months ago. We'll call him Paul. My manager, we'll call him Steve, has seen all the work everyone's been doing. I've worked near 12 hour days over the last few weeks. Paul has done his 9 to 5. Because Paul is new, I've helped him massively get up to scratch. He was brought onto the team because someone left and his role was to cover 1/3 of the project. Steve and Paul have become good friends, going for drinks after work. Yesterday, Steve sent an email to Paul, CC'ing all senior management and thanked him for all his work on the project. Someone on that email forwarded it to me and asked why he was being thanked, when I had not only led the project, but worked really hard. Steve doesn't know I know and I've not heard a thing from him, apart from a thank you in our last meeting a week ago. I've checked in with colleagues about whether my performance lacked in any way and I've had a huge amount of praise. AIBU to think I should have been thanked in the same way?

2chocolateoranges · 10/04/2026 19:03

AbbotSade1985 · 10/04/2026 16:44

I sent the message. I kept it professional and passed through Chat GPT to ensure i wasn’t being too emotional. Steve read it and messaged to talk online. I'm so exhausted from this week, I've ignored the invite and have shut down my laptop.

Brilliant, let him stew all weekend.so glad you sent your email, people like Steve are just total pricks. They are in every work place.

@AbbotSade1985 enjoy your weekend.

rookiemere · 10/04/2026 17:43

Shinyandnew1 · 10/04/2026 17:00

The senior member should have intervened and thanked you to everyone on that thread. I wouldn’t have sent an email myself saying how much work I’d done.

I agree with this. Any general emails sent now thanking everyone for everything are a bit late in the day and I don’t think would hit the right note. At the moment OP has all the high ground, and should wait until she speaks to Steve next week.

MargoChanningsglass · 10/04/2026 17:43

Im glad you havent just let it go, do let us know what Steve says!

DancingNotDrowning · 10/04/2026 17:35

5128gap · 10/04/2026 09:20

I'd say "Steve, someone on the other team questioned why it's Paul that's been brought to the attention of the senior managers for the work on the project. Can we have a chat about this please? Because, to put it bluntly, I'd have expected you to credit me, given my role and work. It would be helpful to understand your perspective on my performance, as it seems we may lack a shared understanding of the value of my contribution".
If he asks who told you, tell him you'd prefer not to say, as you want to keep the focus on your performance.

Agree with this. Unless Steve is stupid he’ll realise that his email being highlighted to you reflects extraordinarily badly on him and he should be keen to remediate.

ShesnoGeordielass · 10/04/2026 17:23

You go OP!

Keep us posted? We're rooting for you!

Shinyandnew1 · 10/04/2026 17:00

The senior member should have intervened and thanked you to everyone on that thread. I wouldn’t have sent an email myself saying how much work I’d done.

Shortpoet · 10/04/2026 16:57

Fantastic. Let him sweat all weekend.

Original poster

AbbotSade1985 · 10/04/2026 16:44

I sent the message. I kept it professional and passed through Chat GPT to ensure i wasn’t being too emotional. Steve read it and messaged to talk online. I'm so exhausted from this week, I've ignored the invite and have shut down my laptop.

OP posts:

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 10/04/2026 15:28

I'd be raging! Make sure your management know the relationship between Steve and Paul and how angry you are for being overlooked.
I'd seriously think about talking a grievance against Steve.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 10/04/2026 14:39

wombat1a · 10/04/2026 13:30

I wonder if there was some dissatisfaction from levels above you about how you were leading the project - so they brought someone else in. In the few months they have been there the project is completed and perhaps they have assigned that to the person they brought in because they thought you were overloaded.

Dream on.

Kepler22B · 10/04/2026 14:06

I hope the message really does spell out that Paul is still learning the ropes.

elessar · 10/04/2026 14:05

Animatic · 10/04/2026 11:11

I think Steve is positioning Paul internally given he is new. It was not about taking credit away from you.

Bollocks. At best it’s completely ignorant and thoughtless.

positioning Paul would have meant sending an email praising the OP for her hard work and leadership of the project, with a note to additionally recognise Paul who has newly joined the company and stepped in to support this project, doing a great job considering his short tenure.

elessar · 10/04/2026 14:02

Will you keep us posted when you’ve spoken to Steve @AbbotSade1985?

Original poster

AbbotSade1985 · 10/04/2026 13:37

Fluffyholeysocks · 10/04/2026 05:44

I'd play ignorant to the email and send your own email to the whole team and senior management thanking everyone on their efforts to bring this project to a successful conclusion. Thank everyone for the hours they put in etc. Then finish by saying you welcome Paul to the team and hope he enjoyed this 'learning experience'.

This did make me smile.

I've put together a message, which the senior member has looked over and agreed on.

I wanted to reply to everyone on here, as I'm really grateful for everyone's support.

Just to clarify, I was working 12 hour days to cover all the work. Paul was only involved with 1/3 of the project. There were lots of teams to manage, which is why it required so much effort.

OP posts:

TwoSwannits · 10/04/2026 13:32

Animatic · 10/04/2026 11:11

I think Steve is positioning Paul internally given he is new. It was not about taking credit away from you.

That may be so, but by ignoring the OP's contribution, whether deliberately or accidentally, it has taken credit away from her. And given it where it wasn't wholly due. And if other people have noticed it then it's been a moment of poor judgement on Steve's part.

wombat1a · 10/04/2026 13:30

I wonder if there was some dissatisfaction from levels above you about how you were leading the project - so they brought someone else in. In the few months they have been there the project is completed and perhaps they have assigned that to the person they brought in because they thought you were overloaded.

Original poster

AbbotSade1985 · 10/04/2026 13:21

JellybellyM00 · 10/04/2026 09:15

Weird question OP but do you work in renewable energy? This sounds horribly similar to something that happened to me. I was eventually managed out with the newcomer meddling ☹️ I also witnessed similar happen to a colleague.

You can usually tell who is a hard worker and who is a shiny shyster by their ass kissing, sickening LinkedIn posts e.g "absolutely loved working on this project with XX and XX" with casual mention of a "technical challenges", "results" and "leadership" but they've only been at the company for 5 minutes

🫠

I don't work in renewable energy, but can I just say that Paul responded with exactly this kind of reply. He absolutely loved working with everyone blah blah blah

OP posts:

Creamyes · 10/04/2026 13:08

Fluffyholeysocks · 10/04/2026 05:44

I'd play ignorant to the email and send your own email to the whole team and senior management thanking everyone on their efforts to bring this project to a successful conclusion. Thank everyone for the hours they put in etc. Then finish by saying you welcome Paul to the team and hope he enjoyed this 'learning experience'.

I think this is the play.
Send it to absolutely EVERYONE.
Spell it out.
Don't say a word to Steve.
But now you know.
No further support to new boy and carefully monitor your work and protect it.

This is why women running projects provide weekly catch ups in what has been achieved.

You might as well forget your future if you don't defend yourself firmly and let everyone see you won't be fxxked with.

Telling Steve what you won't be doing in future is showing your hand and a huge mistake.

Headers/footers on every single piece of work going forward, as wisely suggested above.

cubistqueen · 10/04/2026 12:29

JudgeJ · 10/04/2026 11:45

Not at all passive aggressive, is simply outlines how the project developed.
I once had a 'Paul' in my Department who I realised was presenting my work as his own, I started to add my name and the date to every page I produced but in white type of which I could change the colour at any time. When he realised this he soon stopped doing it! This was in the olden days of word processing stuff using headers and footers, he couldn't access it as it wasn't on a central server, just my word processor.

Show quote history

Headers and footers are still useful for making sure everyone knows who did the work! I put my name, job title and date at the bottom of every report I write. 😂. I’ve been there and done that with both junior and senior colleagues trying to take credit for what I’ve done (both male and female) and I’m too old now to put up with that crap. Things like this need to be dealt with otherwise we will never get rid of these sexist attitudes.

MargoChanningsglass · 10/04/2026 12:27

Yeh its the leadership organisation and diligence that is dangerous.

I'd ask when Steve was free for 10 minutes.

Say Steve a senior leader has sent me this email, its worded as if Paul stepped in and led the project! I get that you know my contribution, but its undermined it to senior management who wouldn't be aware of this. Can you rectify it please?

But I do think the person who sent you the email should already have challenged Steve himself.

PuppyMonkey · 10/04/2026 12:23

It would be so tempting to just reply all: “Paul led on the project? Lol.”

BelBridge · 10/04/2026 12:15

AbbotSade1985 · 10/04/2026 08:09

Thanks everyone for your support.

Paul was thanked for his leadership, organisation and diligence on the project in such a short space of time. No one else was mentioned and the senior leader who sent me the email to me went back on the thread to mention my name. She sent me the email response from everyone and the gist was that yes, others had contributed to the project.

Paul and Steve have only met on this project, so have known each other for 2 to 3 months.

I have decided to contact Steve and tell him what I think of the way this has been handled and that I am no longer going to be working these long hours.

Thanke everyone, really appreciate it.

Others had “contributed”? By that do you mean the consensus is that Paul led on it and you contributed? That is outrageous OP, I wouldn’t let this lie. In your shoes I wouldn’t talk to Steve about this, I would do it all via email, and as per another poster’s suggestion, I’d send a new email to all the people who were copied in on the original one to outline how successful the project was under your leadership, how much your team contributed and that it’s good Paul was able to contribute to/witness the delivery of such a successful project during his probation/training period.

Satisfyingmorning · 10/04/2026 12:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

FairKoala · 10/04/2026 11:47

I would ask via email to Steve cc ing everyone apart from Paul exactly what was Paul’s contribution that had him being thanked so publicly

JudgeJ · 10/04/2026 11:45

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 10/04/2026 10:11

That’s not disingenuous, that’s passive aggressive and unprofessional.

Show quote history

Not at all passive aggressive, is simply outlines how the project developed.
I once had a 'Paul' in my Department who I realised was presenting my work as his own, I started to add my name and the date to every page I produced but in white type of which I could change the colour at any time. When he realised this he soon stopped doing it! This was in the olden days of word processing stuff using headers and footers, he couldn't access it as it wasn't on a central server, just my word processor.