AIBU to be angry my sister left my 16-year-old alone?

Actually I remember on my first solo trip at 17 (1980!) for a University visit, my parents were a bit worried. We lived in a very rural area in the North. I will never forget my Dad's advice. He said, if you get lost or need help, ask someone in a uniform. It doesn't matter what the uniform is.

Bless!

Bloody loved the A-Z and miss it. I’m one of those people who like to turn maps around the way you’re travelling. I had all the pages folded down for all the areas I needed.

This is a bit pathetic when I was 16 I took flights on my own and the train to Scotland. I once missed a stop and I called my parents to ask what to do and we worked it out and passengers advised. This London, full of helpful staff in shops and cctv everywhere, presumably she has a smart phone - if she gets lost she can use Google Maps or ask staff or call you or your sister for help. Your sister didn’t leave her alone she left her with trusted friends. If you get angry at your sister she’ll never do you or your kids a favour again as long as she lives.

No that’s a figure of speech,she was just confident with following directions and reading the signs. Definitely not precocious,just enjoying working things out 🤷‍♀️

YABU. I have homes in London and Brighton. Brighton is a lot sketchier than central London. If she can keep herself safe in Brighton she should have found Central London a welcome respite.

Your sister went out of her way to help your daughter. She escorted her to the venue and made the introductions. She didn't need to stay there and hold her hand.

Mine knew the way through central London stations at this age. One of my kids' first sentence was 'See it, say it, sorted'.

I'm from a rural area originally and first started coming to London to visit family at about 14, armed only with an a-z.

Yabu.

A 6 yo took charge? Very precocious.

She used her initiative and found her way so that’s good. OP should be proud of her, not angry at the sister whose actions helped her to foster a little independence

My children were definitely visiting London age 15/ 16 on their own .
I took grandchild there last week aged 6 . She was in charge and very confident.
Pointed out that Grandma was going in wrong direction at London Bridge to find underground!

OP didn't say her child was particularly immature or hopeless though, so others' experience is a relevant benchmark.

London Bridge (like all London train stations) is full of clearly identifiable staff, plus tonnes of people working in the shops who would help a lost person, plus an information desk which is open all day. How can a competent English speaking person actually get (more than temporarily) lost there?

I think maybe the OP would've like to have known so she perhaps could've run through it the night before given half a chance like you were able to with your 17 year old.. I just think the two sisters needed to have talked more first!

I expect my 16yr old to be able to navigate cities. A drink in a cafe is extremely low risk too so I don’t see the problem.

I think you are being a bit over protective.

We live miles from London (NW England). DD made her first solo trip there when she was 17 for a University Open Day. I bought her train ticket and saw her off at our local station. Before she went we looked up which trains she would need on the underground to get from Euston to where she was going then waved her off. Yes I was slightly anxious, but I knew she was a sensible girl. I also remembered I made my own first solo trip to London at the same age for a similar event and I was from a much more rural environment.

I am not surprised your sister thought she was OK doing this. Rather than being angry with your sister you should be grateful to her settling this up. That was really nice of her.

I love all the people wading in to say that their child had fought in a war and done work experience in Gotham City by the time they were sixteen. It doesn’t necessarily apply to this child though…

She could use Google maps but that doesn’t always help you with some of the larger stations. For example London Bridge station has two concourses on two entirely different levels, umpteen escalators, a tube station, a bus station and at least five different entrance points. People, even adults, do sometimes get lost there!

How can you believe her old enough to do networking meetings but too young to be left alone?

YABVVU

Waiting for so long for your reply that I’ve run out of 🍿

The sister offered to set up a coffee. It seems Op has assumed that included chaperoning niece at all times. I’d be very bemused to be berated for doing exactly what I said I’d do. She set up coffee. The girl had coffee and chatted to two professionals all arranged by Auntie.

Agree and I think the context of the trip is relevant.

If aunty was taking niece out for the day because she wanted to go to buy a new dressing gown and a teddy and just left her, maybe that's one thing.

But OP feels her daughter is grown up enough to take up the (precious!) free time of two young professionals because she's thinking about an extremely serious career path. If you're grown up enough to do that you shouldn't need your hand holding. OPs fault for babying her daughter. I've met a few young people like this (albeit usually university students) while I've been in a professional role and it's exasperating.

Unless its also the aunty's line of work it would have been pretty infantilising for her to stay for the coffee catch up surely? Given it was a work related discussion- why would she stay - as a baby sitter for a 16 year old?? Although i would have thought setting it up would been sufficient and the escort from the station not needed either.

I think your anger is misplaced. You should be annoyed at yourself for not having taught a 16 year old appropriate skills for dealing with this situation. Such as using Google maps to navigate to a station. Messaging or ringing your sister or yourself if unsure. Holding an appropriate conversation with adults without feeling awkward. As a millennial I had to take buses and walk 20 minutes to school in the dark alone daily. By 16 I was holding down a job and dealing with all sorts of situations and characters. 16 is young adult really. No she isn't a legal adult but now you have 2 years to prepare her for being one. Take this as a wake up call to start teaching the soft skills that will serve her into adulthood. As someone who works in education this is a prime example of what professionals are saying is causing a lack of resilience in gen alpha. Over zealous helicopter parenting. Comes from good intentions but honestly it means young adults are struggling in early adulthood and the workplace.

And? I expect to win the lotto next week, doesn't mean it's a given!

Communication all the way, all of this ill-feeling would've been avoided.

She’s 16, not 6.

it’s totally normal for her to attend a “job interview” type scenario alone. It’s not a good look for your sister to have been there or speaking on her behalf. When you start work experience or internships or actual work, it’s the norm to attend such meetings alone. You’re smothering her otherwise.

you’re yapping about how dangerous this couple could have been but factually:

• They walked your daughter to the station
• they waited for her to get on the train
• They went above and beyond whilst you’re acting like they were minded to cause her harm? There is zero evidence to support that.

The only part I agree with is that your sister could have met your daughter afterwards. But realistically your daughter had already experienced the exact same transport route before the meeting, so she could have just traced back the same transport route. I’m sure your daughter has a phone with internet access and google maps etc. I’d be very surprised if a 16 year old needed their hand held through that.

Perhaps she expected a 16 yo to be a little independent.

I think communication was lacking from your sister. Fair that others say at 16, your daughter should be on her way to being able to navigate these things, but if your sis had at least told you this would happen, you could've talked to your daughter and made sure she felt comfortable, knew how to get back to the station the night before etc. London, for the very first time at 16 could be daunting on her own, that I understand. I know adults who are nervous travelling into any large city for the 1st time.

And not worth falling out with your sister for. Your daughter is ok, she got home (I presume) ok and all is, well, ok!