AIBU to be angry my sister left my 16-year-old alone?

@Students2
Think Covid as an excuse for
inept teens/adults really needs put to bed, it’s been 6 years now.
I see on here plenty who do nothing to build their child’s resilience and see to think it’s a badge of pride that their little Matilda (who is in fact 22) needs mummy to support her.

They clearly were one of the concerns.

”Then when they were finished she realised she didn’t know how to get back to the station for her train home. She said she asked them just for directions and they offered to accompany her back to the station and waited with her until she was on the train.”

I’m agog that anyone could think that a sixteen year old couldn’t have a coffee with a couple in their twenties without a chaperone.

It was very kind of them to meet with her and of your sister to set it up.

Your answer to ‘I felt uncomfortable’ should have been ‘well maybe, and that’s understandable because it was quite a big deal but yoi managed it all perfectly well’.

The only person who has not done a good job in this entire scenario is you.

Everyone is different - the OPs daughter gets herself around Brighton so for people to imply OP didn’t teach her how to handle a city or London does not make sense.

From the age of 6 months our twins have travelled all over the world with us and with every opportunity for scouts/guides and school trips (including overseas trips) we have encouraged them to go. I have worked and lived in London and our children were born there - we moved out as we thought outside of London was a better place for them to grow up.

We have taken the children to London - but it’s not somewhere they have asked to go as teens. Maybe Covid played a role in that as they were not going out much during that period obviously. But if I had a child interested in going to London, I would encourage them to start going there with friends and build up to going by themselves. Sure anyone can get around with using Google maps - but it’s not really about that. It’s about having to deal with situations that might arise in a big city that might not happen elsewhere in the uk. I remember I glanced at a man and smiled when I was with a toddler at the traffic lights - he followed us into the bank threatened to kill me and the staff had to hide us in an office and call the police. The police said mental health issues are a huge issue and without support these people are on the streets sadly.

This is just one of many stories I have of living and working in London where you have a few seconds to make the right decisions. My kids are bright (at uni now) but they both have inattentive adhd and have taken longer than other kids to work out how the outside world works. At 16 they would have needed some experience with travelling to London with friends before I felt comfortable they had enough street smarts to navigate London.

I left home and went to work in London at 17. OK, so the world was a bit different then. As in NO Google maps. Just paper ones and an Underground map.

She's almost an adult. Cut the apron strings a bit.

Of course she was uncomfortable - she was doing something for the first time outside her comfort zone. And from her account she smashed it and even managed to figure out how to get to the train station when she didn’t know (asking for assistance). All important life skills.

How you respond to your daughter will either build or destroy her newly found confidence. Only appropriate response is to let her know how proud you are of her, and to thank your sister for the opportunity.

Seems like there was a breakdown in communication between you and your sister regarding these arrangements, you assumed she would stay with your DD and sister assumed that a 16 year old would want to manage the meeting alone 🤷‍♀️.

Shes 16. Yabu

But she's 16!! She has to learn to work stuff out for herself at some point.

YABU. It’s normal to do work experience at that age and to travel and interact with working people alone.

16 is fine. Even in 1984 this would be fine. And in 2026, she has the technology in her phone to help her.

Your sister was a little thoughtless to not have explicitly arranged a return to the station to the satisfaction of the group before leaving. It must have been an unexpected bit of disorientation for your daughter, and unprepared responsibility for the young couple.

But not a major problem and it sorted itself out, without your daughter being exposed to the Cybermen in the sewers, or becoming a victim of the imminent Dalek invasion etc.

And she'll have learnt from the exercise and feel a bit more grown up as a result.

Stop babying your daughter and teach her some life skills.

Surely this is a joke, she was in public and she’s practically an adult: she could be a parent herself! And she has a phone. I went to Glastonbury without my parents at 16…

Yes those adults that are nervous, probably always had helicopter parents like OP.

She goes into Brighton, just as busy as London.

Exactly, it’s like by magic when she reaches 18 it’s all going to change and she’ll be an adult. Like you don’t need to start life skills now!

You mean a sixteen year old who can learn to drive next year, will you stay in the car with her giving her directions?

What 16 year old couldn’t use google maps?

Your sister did a grand job leveraging contacts for your daughter. She escorted her to the cafe, made the introduction and then left. Your DD is 16, OP at this age she should be capable of speaking to new people and fining her way on a short tube or bus journey. I think you need to start focusing on letting go and empowering. In less than two years she might be living independently at Uni.

You are massively unreasonable, ungrateful and mollycoddling your daughter.
My 16 year old isn’t perfect and has raging ADHD, but she’d have coped in that situation no problem at all.

Hooley Dooley! My 14yo navigates for me everywhere so I can concentrate on driving. If I'm walking, very rarely , even ancient old me can put a destination into my phone. I did grow up spending a lot of time in a big city alone when my parents were working so maybe I don't understand.
OP hasn't returned?

I agree that any 16 year old should be able to navigate this, but I think the OP is upset by the difference between expectation and reality. The friend was expected to be there, as a sort of chaperone, but then wasn’t. So the situation was other than the girl was expecting/prepared for

Gently OP, she sounds like she’s been very sheltered and not given enough freedom beforehand because at 16 she should be more than capable of this. Im hoping this thread allows you to guide her to be a bit more independent x

Isn't it up the 16yo to speak for themself?

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Have that harsh word with your sister. She should have communicated clearly what her intentions were. This is your daughter and it is up to you what will allow or won't at the age of 16.

Well is that not the point. Your 14 year old has plenty of experience moving round London by herself.

I hadn’t been to London until I was 18 and found it actually quite scary finding my way through it for the first time. And it wasn’t just thrown on me last minute