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Original poster

AIBU to be angry my sister left my 16-year-old alone?

413 replies

Rubexellen · 09/04/2026 18:38

Evening all,
My DD is 16, she’s in Y11. A little while ago I mentioned to my sister a couple of the areas of work my DD is interested in potentially pursuing. My sister told me that her friend’s son and DIL who are mid-late 20s happened to be an immigration solicitor and a researcher at a think tank focusing on migration and refugees. This is something my DD is very much interested in so my sister agreed to set up a coffee with them and DD so DD could ask some questions.

This coffee took place today, it’s the school holidays so I was at work and the deal was, my sister would meet DD in London at the train station and take her to meet this young couple. We don’t live too far from London but DD has never been into London alone before, not even with friends (we are closer to Brighton so they tend to go there instead).

DD has just told me that my sister did meet her at the station and accompany her to the cafe but she didn’t stay, leaving my 16 year old DD alone with this couple effectively.
DD said they were lovely and they answered all her questions and she found it very useful but she felt a bit uncomfortable. Then when they were finished she realised she didn’t know how to get back to the station for her train home. She said she asked them just for directions and they offered to accompany her back to the station and waited with her until she was on the train.

Now I’m beyond angry, my sister never implied she would be leaving DD with them and if I had known that was her plan I’d have suggested DD not go as London is a massive city and these are strangers!

I want to have a harsh word with my sister and tell her that was totally inappropriate not just for DD, but probably for these young adults who were left with a teenager they don’t know!

AIBU to be furious?

OP posts:
Duvetdayneeded · 09/04/2026 19:17

She’s 16 ffs!!!

Zanatdy · 09/04/2026 19:16

Your sister should have made it clear to your DD she would be leaving her, and making sure she knew how to get home. Yes she’s 16, but she didn’t know the way. If i’m responsible for someone else’s child, i’d be staying nearby and waiting.

theresnolimits · 09/04/2026 19:16

Mine could have done this at 14. Maybe 13. And we live a similar distance away from London to you.

And I think it was really important that your DD sat with these lovely two individuals and asked her own questions and wasn’t babysat by your DSis. That would make her look like such a child.

You could, have course, run through a few things with DD before she went - was she confident with the area, the tube, the train station etc? Would she perhaps like to do a bit of sightseeing or shopping before she returned home?

She’s had a great opportunity here, set up by DSis. Don’t spoil it.

cubistqueen · 09/04/2026 19:16

She’s 16 Ffs. At 16 my two were going into London on their own on a regular basis (we were Sussex based and so about an hour straight into a mainline station).

Chiaseedling · 09/04/2026 19:15

Er, what! Your DD is 16, not 12.

She def need to learn independence.

DiddleyDeeDee · 09/04/2026 19:14

Echo PP here she is 16!!! My niece is 16 and works (in scotland) in full time! She doesnt have anyone holding her hand. At 16 i was travelling independently around europe and that wasnt a hundred years ago...

Bundleflower · 09/04/2026 19:14

FrodoBiggins · 09/04/2026 18:53

Was your daughter upset about this? If so she will need to change A LOT and get out of her little bubble before she's capable of even considering working with refugees. Think about some of the things an average teenage refugee will have been through and then give your head a wobble.

An aspect I hadn’t considered. If you and/or your daughter feel too precious for this very adequate set of circumstances, how on earth will your daughter ever cope working with people with real world trauma?

ExtraOnions · 09/04/2026 19:14

….and we wonder why Young People don’t have any resilience

FrodoBiggins · 09/04/2026 19:13

HelenaWilson · 09/04/2026 19:10

OP you should send your sister a nice message thanking her (and her contacts)

No, DD should do that. If the couple gave dd their contact details, she should be sending a thank you message direct.

That's true - DD should thank her aunty and the couple - who I'm sure have much better things to do with their time than hang out with a 16yo they then have to transport half way home. OP should also thank her sister though.

Anyahyacinth · 09/04/2026 19:13

I wouldn’t like this either. I’d expect my sister to stay. The couple could have had unpleasant intentions and the introduction and vouching for was the sisters role. I wouldn’t have prepared with my daughter as I would have thought Auntie was there for support. Yep I would definitely feel my sister let me down

Bournetilly · 09/04/2026 19:12

She’s 16, she should be able to find her way back to the station. I’m guessing she has a phone/ maps?

DalmationalAnthem · 09/04/2026 19:12

FrodoBiggins · 09/04/2026 19:01

Where are you getting that the sister 'implied she would look after' the 16yo from?

"my sister agreed to set up a coffee with them and DD so DD could ask some questions."

"This coffee took place today, it’s the school holidays so I was at work and the deal was, my sister would meet DD in London at the train station and take her to meet this young couple."

Sister did exactly what was agreed. I would not expect that my own 16yo niece or nephew needed babysitting all day, especially if the context was to talk about a work opportunity. Embarrassing to do that and look so immature at the same time.

OP you should send your sister a nice message thanking her (and her contacts) for the wonderful opportunity and maybe teach your daughter how to use her phone.

Edited
Show quote history

This.
Your sister did what was agreed.

Bundleflower · 09/04/2026 19:11

If you’ve done a semi-decent job of raising her then she should be absolutely fine.
Many 16 year olds work in a cafe - would you be furious they’ve had to speak to strangers? Would you be furious the had to go through the trauma of following google maps to public transport?

You’re massively unreasonable.

Backpain2026 · 09/04/2026 19:11

At 16 she should be able to use Google maps and navigate. It's daytime in the centre of London, not a dangerous place.

Assume your sister was at work and popped out to collect her and introduce her. She did a really nice thing organising this.

titchy · 09/04/2026 19:10

Oh, is this a reverse?

HelenaWilson · 09/04/2026 19:10

OP you should send your sister a nice message thanking her (and her contacts)

No, DD should do that. If the couple gave dd their contact details, she should be sending a thank you message direct.

Ohhhwell · 09/04/2026 19:10

I was living on my own at 16.

ClearFruit · 09/04/2026 19:10

My 16 year old travels all over the county for her part time job. Most of the time to places she's never been before. She uses Google Maps and has a great knowledge of the rail network now. You're being absolutely ridiculous.

titchy · 09/04/2026 19:10

Oh the irony of a 16 year old interested in helping refugees, given their likely horrendous journey to reach a safe point, needing help to get to a main station in one of the safest and well served by public transport cities in the world. And mummy agreeing she needs handholding.

MoistVonL · 09/04/2026 19:09

Are you serious?

She's 16, she could leave school and get a job if she wanted. She should be at the very least be able to hold a conversation in a public place with two young adults her aunt introduces her to, and navigate one of the easiest public transport networks in the world.

Your sister did a kind thing for her niece. You've been completely unreasonable.

Miranda65 · 09/04/2026 19:07

A 16 year old should be perfectly capable of getting herself around London, it's very easy.
OP, maybe divert your energy into encouraging your daughter into being more independent and streetwise?

Parky04 · 09/04/2026 19:07

I left home at 16! I feel sorry for your DD that your parenting has left her with inadequate social skills.

usedtobeaylis · 09/04/2026 19:06

Your sister set the whole thing up and got her there. She was actually pretty kind and thoughtful.

FrodoBiggins · 09/04/2026 19:05

arethereanyleftatall · 09/04/2026 19:03

I hope this thread and its fairly unanimous responses might be the wake up thread that you need to start preparing your dd for life at 18 op. In two very short years, it’s possible that your dd may choose uni/a job in a different country. If at 16 she’s never even been to a city within an hour of her house by herself, then she’s about two years behind I’d say.
for me with my dds, I started with the different country at 18 possibility and then worked the steps backwards.

Agreed. In Scotland for example she'd be at uni next year. I'm a lawyer and colleagues of mine who work with refugees were volunteering at Calais etc from the age of 18/19. One snuck into the Gaza strip after their first year of university and worked there over the whole summer holiday.

Teacakesfortwo · 09/04/2026 19:05

It sounds like a perfect gentle intro to London. And she showed good initiative asking for directions.

She has a couple more years to spread her wings and build her confidence before going to uni.