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Original poster

AIBU to be angry my sister left my 16-year-old alone?

413 replies

Rubexellen · 09/04/2026 18:38

Evening all,
My DD is 16, she’s in Y11. A little while ago I mentioned to my sister a couple of the areas of work my DD is interested in potentially pursuing. My sister told me that her friend’s son and DIL who are mid-late 20s happened to be an immigration solicitor and a researcher at a think tank focusing on migration and refugees. This is something my DD is very much interested in so my sister agreed to set up a coffee with them and DD so DD could ask some questions.

This coffee took place today, it’s the school holidays so I was at work and the deal was, my sister would meet DD in London at the train station and take her to meet this young couple. We don’t live too far from London but DD has never been into London alone before, not even with friends (we are closer to Brighton so they tend to go there instead).

DD has just told me that my sister did meet her at the station and accompany her to the cafe but she didn’t stay, leaving my 16 year old DD alone with this couple effectively.
DD said they were lovely and they answered all her questions and she found it very useful but she felt a bit uncomfortable. Then when they were finished she realised she didn’t know how to get back to the station for her train home. She said she asked them just for directions and they offered to accompany her back to the station and waited with her until she was on the train.

Now I’m beyond angry, my sister never implied she would be leaving DD with them and if I had known that was her plan I’d have suggested DD not go as London is a massive city and these are strangers!

I want to have a harsh word with my sister and tell her that was totally inappropriate not just for DD, but probably for these young adults who were left with a teenager they don’t know!

AIBU to be furious?

OP posts:
GinaandGin · 09/04/2026 19:44

Talk about a helicopter parent

BeaTwix · 09/04/2026 19:44

You sister probably didn't think. I got into trouble for assuming a friend's 17yo visiting london for a Uni open day would be happy to get from the mainline station to my local tube station (no changes involved).

I assumed this as the kids I see most often (London based) have been meeting me independently at our destination (think Tate, V&A) since they went to secondary school. We usually do at least one outing each school holiday.

As I'm used to this it never crossed my mind that a much older child would need a higher level of supervision. I think it was a wake up call to said child's parent who realised that maybe not all 17yo get endlessly chauffeured around by Mum&Dad and that independent public transport usage does happen!

To be fair where they live public transport isn't so good but there is some including a good train into their local city which I would have imagined would be a key destination for a teenage shopping trip.

DJKATIE · 09/04/2026 19:43

My God my Mum married my dad at 16 and had me 9 months later. She kept a house and worked at 16. Just to add my parents had a long happy marriage

ChiliFiend · 09/04/2026 19:42

Your daughter sounds incredibly sheltered. I'm not from London but I was travelling around it on my own at 16, before I had a mobile phone.

You should be thanking your sister for arranging this for your daughter - not everyone gets that kind of opportunity handed to them on a plate, and it will have cost your sister something, even if that is a returned favour.

Owly11 · 09/04/2026 19:42

She's 16 fgs not 6. You are being completely unreasonable. Your sister did a really nice thing for your dd and gave up her time and energy. I would be buying her some flowers to say thank you.

Barnsleybonuz · 09/04/2026 19:42

Anyahyacinth · 09/04/2026 19:13

I wouldn’t like this either. I’d expect my sister to stay. The couple could have had unpleasant intentions and the introduction and vouching for was the sisters role. I wouldn’t have prepared with my daughter as I would have thought Auntie was there for support. Yep I would definitely feel my sister let me down

Don’t be daft. It was a couple auntie new meeting in a cafe. Nobody was let down. She’s 16!

beAsensible1 · 09/04/2026 19:42

AtIusvue · 09/04/2026 18:49

OP what were the contingency plans you arranged for your DD going to London?

  • If your sister was caught in traffic or was ill and had to cancel last minute
  • If your DD was uncomfortable, did you discuss what she should do?
  • What she should do if she got lost or separated
  • what she should do if her phone was out of battery
  • What bank cards she had, emergency cash if phone didn’t work

and so and and so on.

That’s what’s your 16 years of parenting have been for OP.

Edited

This. There should’ve been some sort of conversation to prepare for contingencies.

BUT she solved her own problem and asked the people which is good initiative. Stop babying her.

ClaredeBear · 09/04/2026 19:42

I honestly thought you were going to say your daughter had additional needs. Life can be really hard and she needs to be ready for it. Don’t chip away at her resilience before she evens develops any.

gostickyourheadinapig · 09/04/2026 19:40

A sixteen-year-old should be able to find her way around an unfamiliar location in broad daylight. Her parents should have taught her the necessary skills at least two years ago.

Whydidyouletmedown · 09/04/2026 19:39

ExtraOnions · 09/04/2026 19:14

….and we wonder why Young People don’t have any resilience

Exactly. It is completely ridiculous. My sister was commuting to work in London at sixteen

CocoaTea · 09/04/2026 19:39

LittlePinkWeed · 09/04/2026 19:34

I'm London born and bred, so have learnt to navigate around London since my teens. I wouldn't leave a 16 year old to make their own way back to the station - in fact I wouldn't leave any out of town visitor (regardless of age) unless I knew they were confident in finding their way.

Your sister didn't need to sit in on the conversation but she shouldn't have completely abandoned your daughter.

“Abandoned” is a very strong and inflammatory word.

She was dropped off at a meeting to discuss career opportunities. The people she met would have assumed she would know how to make her way back to the same station she arrived at. Not unreasonable at all.

As she was unsure of the directions - she had the following options:

call her mother
call her auntie
use her phone to check directions
ask the people to direct her back
ask the staff in the cafe for directions

As it was the people walked her back so there was NO abandonment whatsoever. Your language is hyperbolic and silly. The DD is 16 not 6.

corkscissorschalk · 09/04/2026 19:38

@Rubexellen
i don’t mean to sound harsh but if your 16 year old can’t navigate the return journey to the station and back home this is where you need to put your focus, instead of setting up meetings for hypothetical future careers.

It’s not meant as a criticism of your daughter, just something to bear in mind because the fact that you were angry at your sister shows you feel that a day trip to London is beyond your child’s capabilities, otherwise you would have told her yourself that that’s the plan.

mugglewump · 09/04/2026 19:38

I think YABU unless you specifically said please do not leave X on her own with these sensible 25 year old lawyers and please see her back to the station afterwards because she is not familiar with the transport. Your sister supposedly lives in London and possibly has children of her own? Because London teenagers go in to central using public transport all the time, so why would your DSis think your DD required hand-holding, especially as she had traveled up on her own? She had done your family a favour organising the meet. I think she would rightfully be really upset if you gave her an earful over doing you a favour.

Didntask · 09/04/2026 19:37

I was getting buses around London at 10yo without a grown up, you need to focus on your daughter's independence rather than be angry at your sister.

shivbo2014 · 09/04/2026 19:37

I moved in with my boyfriend at 16 in London of all places

Nelly91 · 09/04/2026 19:37

I think you should be thankful for the opportunity she lined up. Loads of kids are travelling the world by 17/18 on gap years. It’s a good life experience for her.

Barnsleybonuz · 09/04/2026 19:36

You’re being utterly inreasonable, your sister did nothing wrong and a 16 year old is more than old enough to meet some people for a work meeting in a public place. They kindly took her back to the station but quite frankly it would also have been fine for her to use google map to get herself back or ask for directions

socks1107 · 09/04/2026 19:36

At 16 I think this fine. I wouldn’t have been beyond furious at all

MeekSqueak · 09/04/2026 19:36

Rubexellen · 09/04/2026 18:38

Evening all,
My DD is 16, she’s in Y11. A little while ago I mentioned to my sister a couple of the areas of work my DD is interested in potentially pursuing. My sister told me that her friend’s son and DIL who are mid-late 20s happened to be an immigration solicitor and a researcher at a think tank focusing on migration and refugees. This is something my DD is very much interested in so my sister agreed to set up a coffee with them and DD so DD could ask some questions.

This coffee took place today, it’s the school holidays so I was at work and the deal was, my sister would meet DD in London at the train station and take her to meet this young couple. We don’t live too far from London but DD has never been into London alone before, not even with friends (we are closer to Brighton so they tend to go there instead).

DD has just told me that my sister did meet her at the station and accompany her to the cafe but she didn’t stay, leaving my 16 year old DD alone with this couple effectively.
DD said they were lovely and they answered all her questions and she found it very useful but she felt a bit uncomfortable. Then when they were finished she realised she didn’t know how to get back to the station for her train home. She said she asked them just for directions and they offered to accompany her back to the station and waited with her until she was on the train.

Now I’m beyond angry, my sister never implied she would be leaving DD with them and if I had known that was her plan I’d have suggested DD not go as London is a massive city and these are strangers!

I want to have a harsh word with my sister and tell her that was totally inappropriate not just for DD, but probably for these young adults who were left with a teenager they don’t know!

AIBU to be furious?

You are so totally unreasonable

ClarasSisters · 09/04/2026 19:34

Basilandparsleyandmint · 09/04/2026 19:30

OP I think you are getting an unfair time here.
if Your DD isn’t used to finding her way around I can imagine you were concerned And understandably so. It’s hard getting used to the idea of our children navigating their way but she did well and you should be proud of her.

Concerned is one thing, "beyond angry" is quite another.

Op should have clarified expectations ahead of time with her sister instead of making assumptions.

LittlePinkWeed · 09/04/2026 19:34

I'm London born and bred, so have learnt to navigate around London since my teens. I wouldn't leave a 16 year old to make their own way back to the station - in fact I wouldn't leave any out of town visitor (regardless of age) unless I knew they were confident in finding their way.

Your sister didn't need to sit in on the conversation but she shouldn't have completely abandoned your daughter.

CocoaTea · 09/04/2026 19:34

Basilandparsleyandmint · 09/04/2026 19:30

OP I think you are getting an unfair time here.
if Your DD isn’t used to finding her way around I can imagine you were concerned And understandably so. It’s hard getting used to the idea of our children navigating their way but she did well and you should be proud of her.

I disagree.

I don’t think people are being unfair they are trying to provide a reality check for OP @Rubexellen because her expectations are not realistic.

How do think children in London get to school? Do you honestly think all parents walk / drive their kids to school? At 16?

If OP lives in Brighton - travel into London should have been covered between maybe between ages 13-15 if I am being generous.

Worry is one thing - all parents worry - but being “raging” angry at the sister is ridiculous.

Also - why did DD not know to phone / text her own mum if she was unsure what to do? It’s not on the sister - at all.

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 09/04/2026 19:34

She's 16 not 6!

Good lord, she could be in the army at 16. Lots of 16 year olds have Saturday jobs that they have to travel to. At 16 you should be encouraging a bit of independence not mollycoddling them.

Parsleyforme · 09/04/2026 19:33

Are you saying you wouldn’t have allowed her to go if you knew she wouldn’t be chaperoned the whole time? Your sister took your DD to meet the couple so your DD knew they were the right people, she then just had to do the same journey in reverse. The unfortunate part is that she still hasn’t been to London alone yet

Monty36 · 09/04/2026 19:33

I have to say I voted YANBU.
You had no idea who she was meeting. A chat over coffee in a cafe would not have pleased me either. An office environment would have been more appropriate. A zoom call much better.
And how well does your sister actually know them ?
Being sixteen if you know London may be alright. But being sixteen and in London that you do not know meeting two strangers is not.