AIBU to be angry my sister left my 16-year-old alone?

i assume she’s only uncomfortable because she’s young, not because she didn’t know them.

i remember my first few times doing something like this, it’s all awkward and nerve wracking!

My DS is 14 and has been getting around London by himself since he was 11.

My sister told me that her friend’s son and DIL who are mid-late 20s happened to be an immigration solicitor and a researcher at a think tank focusing on migration and refugees. This is something my DD is very much interested in

I think your daughter perhaps should reconsider her career choice.

@Lifeomars As I said earlier, not all teens are this bad. DDs used to go into London to see friends. They learn the ropes. Both of mine did a school exchange to South Africa for 3 months in Y9 - age 13. We didn’t go with them. Two DDs went each time but DD1 and friend had to navigate JBurg airport - to get from the international terminal to the domestic one - when they were not collected from the arrivals area as they should have been by SAA staff. They managed. Had they never experienced anything as individuals I have no idea how they would have coped. They did and spent 3 months without us. Other girls did similar in Australia and New Zealand. Some dc rise to a challenge.

Given the DD’s potential career choice, having known people who work in this area. I think the dd has a lot of growing up to do before she embarks on a career in this field.

If she is struggling at 16 to get to a London station and doesn’t understand how to read a London Tube Map or how to put in a route on Google maps, how is she going to understand the world map and how people got from A to B and what routes they used.

The London Tube map is one of the easiest maps to read

I've loved in London since 1980,safety wise it has improved if anything.

You make out as though your daughter is 6 and not 16 years old. She doesn't sound very independent or resourceful.

Do you do everything for her?

She needs a crash course in life and how to grow up

Exactly this. Given Google gives a little blue dot to direct you all the way home (and explicit instruction from wherever you are), I imagine they would have been perplexed and it’s a hard no to recommending for anything.

OP hasn’t been back

When I was 16 I used to go alone on the train to stay with my cousin in London, she would meet me at the station but I always made my way back alone. This was pre Google maps and phones and learning to read the Tube map was a wonderful life skill. And to add to the horror, when I applied to college aged 17 I went to the interview in another big city all by myself, found my way to the building all by myself and came home all by myself. Very good for confidence building and life skills.

Yes, same here. I commuted pregnant on the Piccadilly Line and always got a seat even in the most crammed of rush hours, and later on always had help carrying a pushchair up stairs in tubes or Overgrounds.

I've had a couple of incidents in London when I've tripped and fallen, both times passers-by instantly came to my aid, were incredibly kind and couldn't do enough to help.

I would walk past if people were already assisting and there was nothing I could usefully do to help. Best thing to do then is to get out of the way. The ill or injured person doesn't need a crowd standing around uselessly. I'd probably mention it to the first uniformed staff member I saw, if there wasn't already one there.

@Monty36 is talking rubbish about London underground lines, including the Northern. I use it regularly at different times of the day and night, and it's fine, mostly because there are lots of people using it all minding their own business. The only place I've had my pocket picked was the Paris metro.

In OP's daughter's case, she was only travelling a few stops within central London during the daytime and going back to a railway terminus. All lines would be busy at that time and, provided she took normal precautions, would be perfectly safe.

When I was 16 I commuted to a college in central London every day for A levels, having previously led a somewhat sheltered life at boarding school. I really loved the freedom it gave me and I quickly learnt to take advantage of things like student discounts at theatres, meaning I was also travelling on my own late at night. It never bothered me at all and I'm glad to say it never occurred to my parents to stop me.

If that happened, it was incredibly unusual. I've had a couple of incidents in London when I've tripped and fallen, both times passers-by instantly came to my aid, were incredibly kind and couldn't do enough to help. That's also what I've observed when other people have had accidents or been taken ill.

@Monty36 Avoid some tube lines? Really? I never avoid any line? Yes, dc should know how to keep belongings safe and how to spot anything suspicious but no tube line is unsafe and ditto buses. You just need antennae to move away from behaviour that’s not ok but to be fair, I rarely see it during the day!

I’ve lived in London since 2000 and I don’t really think it’s changed that much tbh.

She wasn't gadding about London; she was returning to the railway terminus she recently arrived at, from a cafe which was, presumably, nearby. Barring disability, any 16 year old should be able to achieve this with ease.

But she is 16?! I moved to London by myself (from abroad) when I was 18. Worked out by myself how the trains and everything else worked. Yabu. It’s not fair to let your daughter live under a rock OP.

It needed to be clear what the plan was and then you could have primed your daughter to navigate it

Why would op need to 'prime' her daughter? Isn't a 16yo capable of communicating directly with her aunt and planning accordingly?

Your sister treated your daughter respectfully, and as a capable 16 year old. She didn't treat her like a child, and hover or oversee the meeting. She let the three of them have their meeting without intrusion or 'mothering' your DD. When I was 16 I loved to have adults treat me as capable and independent, rather than fussing over me. I'd consider your sister's actions as excellent auntie-ing.

But clearly you're not returning to read it resources.

I think you’ve had a hard time here, and I’d be annoyed with my sister too. It needed to be clear what the plan was and then you could have primed your daughter to navigate it it; after all, it sounds like a great opportunity. Not every 16 year old is ready to gad about unfamiliar cities - she is still a school girl - but it is important to stretch her comfort zone.

This is.. bizarre. At 16 I was moving out. It was daylight, with adults that she had a network with, it was pre-arrangd, presumably she walked FROM the station.

That's very different than a 15 year old who's on their 16th birthday night out in an unfamiliar town, a dead phone, with no access to a bank card or something.

OP, gently, you REALLY need to prepare her for the world better. there won't always be a supervising adult around, and you need to start building her life/risk management skills on this type of day out about 2-3 years ago!

It was fine today.

Doubt they were impressed about having to babysit her and they wouldn’t be recommending her for a job at their firms.

agreed. Sounds like they walked her to the station and looked after her, presumably trustworthy too as your sister knows them and you agreed to the meeting.

frankly your post is indicative of a huge problem of helicopter parenting. I worry about how some of today’s teenagers are going to cope as adults.