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Original poster

AIBU to abandon holiday due to children’s behaviour

30 replies

polyppockets7 · 09/04/2026 17:11

Need to vent - fucking miserable

Worked so hard for this family. Have paid off all of our debt last year and have not had a family holiday for 6 years.
we arrived Monday and abandoned plans yesterday evening due to daughters tantrum /meltdown. Age 11 and fully old enough to know better.

Had nice plans today and she did the same 6 hours ago. We have done nothing but sit in our room since and it’s miserable. I want to go home.

im at the point where I actually feel done parenting them and despite loving my husband am considering moving out as I’m just mentally done.
3 children age 8 11 13 all have adhd. We are very strict and consistent with them and despite trying every day they still have no basic independence skills, provoke each other continuously and have nothing but horrible meltdowns.
being strict with them has proved far better than when they were little and there was a more gentle approach, but I’m at the point where I can’t see a way out.

AIBU to leave and not return due to behaviour.

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 24/05/2026 07:25

bookworm14 · 24/05/2026 07:12

This thread is from April. I assume they’re back from the holiday now!

Aw FFS!

Ket44 · 26/08/2026 07:44

As good of you as it is to try to handle this yourself, it probably won’t help much without a good cognitive therapist, and will leave you feeling stressed, probably adding to an already delicate emotional environment.

Stepmumto3 · 26/08/2026 09:50

polyppockets7 · 09/04/2026 17:25

They have no devices/ screen time. I spent almost every waking moment supporting their behaviour. Continual reminders.
despite visual lists they cannot dress themselves, brush their teeth, wipe their noses without a good 12-15 reminders per child. They get up and walk out without water bottles or coats so at 13 it feels like I’m telling them how to breathe.
they are expected to be respectful and to clean up their mess, to not be unkind to each other.
when they are not they lose privileges like for example 13yo was removed from pool yesterday for being unkind to sister.

despite the fact I’m there every waking moment either refereeing or preventing them being horrid to each other, or providing the 34th reminder to brush their hair and wash their face, they just don’t seem to learn any of these skills ever or want to do them for themselves. When I ask them there are meltdowns.

I’m at the point where I’ve just had enough.
would you take kids on holiday and stay if they behaved this way?

I have not heard another child tantrum once since we got here and I’m utterly disgusted by mine and want to go home.

Show quote history

As someone who is step-mum to 2 ADHD 11 year olds and 1 autistic 13 year old I fully understand your pain. I went on holiday a few weeks ago and it was hell because while they wanted to do the normal holiday things, the change in food, routine and heat made them just want to stay in the room. Plus the 2 11 year old twins constantly try to kill each other so I was having to physically separate them a lot of the time.

I also have ADHD (recently diagnosed) and I'm starting to understand what ADHD means for me, which is helping me understand the kids behaviour.

One thing that jumps out at me from your description is that you seem to be expecting your children to be able to do these normal everyday tasks when the ADHD brain can make it impossible for them without the reminders. That isn't something that is going to be trained in to them - I'm 47 and without reminders I won't think of brushing my teeth because my brain doesn't work that way.

You mention meltdowns when you constantly remind them do things - I think I know where the meltdowns come from. I spent so much of my childhood angry at myself because I knew I had to do things and for some reason I just couldn't do them. On top of it my parents would be constantly nagging me to do them, which in turn piled on the guilt. The guilt on top of my internal anger made me meltdown as it was the only way to regulate myself.

Meltdowns aren't the child simply being stroppy - it's an uncontrollable neurological reaction to their environment in that moment - whether emotional or physical.

You mention no devices - is that just on holiday or everyday? For me personally and my step-kids time on devices and games is a must as it's how we all manage our dopamine levels. They are so much better regulated when they've spent time using them.

Also do either you or your other half have ADHD yourselves? If all 3 of your children have it then there is a very high chance that it's inherited. I know that my ADHD makes me hyper-sensitive to the kids behaviour and I know I get triggered easier by some behaviours that their dad does.

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeonZZZ · 26/08/2026 09:51

Are any of them medicated?

DahliaDelights · 26/08/2026 09:55

polyppockets7 · 09/04/2026 17:25

They have no devices/ screen time. I spent almost every waking moment supporting their behaviour. Continual reminders.
despite visual lists they cannot dress themselves, brush their teeth, wipe their noses without a good 12-15 reminders per child. They get up and walk out without water bottles or coats so at 13 it feels like I’m telling them how to breathe.
they are expected to be respectful and to clean up their mess, to not be unkind to each other.
when they are not they lose privileges like for example 13yo was removed from pool yesterday for being unkind to sister.

despite the fact I’m there every waking moment either refereeing or preventing them being horrid to each other, or providing the 34th reminder to brush their hair and wash their face, they just don’t seem to learn any of these skills ever or want to do them for themselves. When I ask them there are meltdowns.

I’m at the point where I’ve just had enough.
would you take kids on holiday and stay if they behaved this way?

I have not heard another child tantrum once since we got here and I’m utterly disgusted by mine and want to go home.

Show quote history

reminders to brush their hair and wash their face

Is it telling them what to do that causes meltdowns? If it is, maybe for holiday, stop doing that? they go without brushed hair or washed faces for a day? You get a restful non meltdown day? winner?

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