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Original poster

AIBU to abandon holiday due to children’s behaviour

30 replies

polyppockets7 · 09/04/2026 17:11

Need to vent - fucking miserable

Worked so hard for this family. Have paid off all of our debt last year and have not had a family holiday for 6 years.
we arrived Monday and abandoned plans yesterday evening due to daughters tantrum /meltdown. Age 11 and fully old enough to know better.

Had nice plans today and she did the same 6 hours ago. We have done nothing but sit in our room since and it’s miserable. I want to go home.

im at the point where I actually feel done parenting them and despite loving my husband am considering moving out as I’m just mentally done.
3 children age 8 11 13 all have adhd. We are very strict and consistent with them and despite trying every day they still have no basic independence skills, provoke each other continuously and have nothing but horrible meltdowns.
being strict with them has proved far better than when they were little and there was a more gentle approach, but I’m at the point where I can’t see a way out.

AIBU to leave and not return due to behaviour.

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 09/04/2026 17:25

I'm sure someone with more experience of ADHD children will be along so please take my advice under advisement.

Are you there solo parenting or is there a useless partner somewhere?

Firstly, sit down all the kids and acknowledge calmly and quietly that you are upset. Not angry [you are obviously] but upset, upset.
You've worked really hard to be able to pay for the holiday and take them away.
It's your holiday too and they are squabbling and being horrible to each other.
Do they want to go home?

Ground rules - discuss calmly:
What are they for the rest of the holiday? What are your expectations of them?
What are the consequences for bad behaviour?
Can you divide and conquer - the misbehaving child stays in the room with one parent, goes for a walk or whatever; the others carry on with their fun planned day.
What's the warning word if their bickering is getting out of hand?

Then:
Digital - do they have devices and access to YouTube etc? My advice is remove, lock in a suitcase and don't return until the return flight/drive home if at all. My kids are not ND but it is a massive trigger for the most horrible behaviour.
Activities - where are you and what can you get up to ? Do you need ideas that will work for all three ?
Support - if solo parenting can you access a kids club or a local sitter, or beg a grandparent to join you?

All things being equal. Make it clear, calmly that you will all go home if this persists.

Original poster
polyppockets7 · 09/04/2026 17:25

KhargIsland · 09/04/2026 17:15

what does being super strict look like?

They have no devices/ screen time. I spent almost every waking moment supporting their behaviour. Continual reminders.
despite visual lists they cannot dress themselves, brush their teeth, wipe their noses without a good 12-15 reminders per child. They get up and walk out without water bottles or coats so at 13 it feels like I’m telling them how to breathe.
they are expected to be respectful and to clean up their mess, to not be unkind to each other.
when they are not they lose privileges like for example 13yo was removed from pool yesterday for being unkind to sister.

despite the fact I’m there every waking moment either refereeing or preventing them being horrid to each other, or providing the 34th reminder to brush their hair and wash their face, they just don’t seem to learn any of these skills ever or want to do them for themselves. When I ask them there are meltdowns.

I’m at the point where I’ve just had enough.
would you take kids on holiday and stay if they behaved this way?

I have not heard another child tantrum once since we got here and I’m utterly disgusted by mine and want to go home.

OP posts:
FatFace99 · 09/04/2026 17:21

Holidays with kids are for the children. Not you. You have to survive.

Reset your expectations to this and should be fine ^^

FatFace99 · 09/04/2026 17:20

OP.

Try and relax.

Watch a movie, eat junk, do kids activities.

Try not to be too strict.

Try to enjoy the holiday. Have low expectations.

Get to bed early, no alcohol so you are on top form.

KhargIsland · 09/04/2026 17:15

what does being super strict look like?

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