Page 3 | AIBU to feel annoyed by fit people refusing to work?

youalright · 09/04/2026 18:05

Whyarepeople · 09/04/2026 13:47

I would not call a woman who has lost custody of three children 'fit.'

This. do you know how bad things have to be to lose custody of your kids, especially a woman. It doesn't scream healthy stable adult

SanctiMoaniArse · 09/04/2026 17:56

Dancingsquirrels · 09/04/2026 15:58

I know a couple of fit and healthy people who work under 16 (?) hours per week in order to retain benefits. They see their children at weekends, so could work longer hours mid week As a tax payer, I think this isn't great. Would be better if they worked longer hours and supported themselves financially

But I blame the system, not them

Edited

No, you don't.

The "16 hours a week" trap hasn't been a thing since Income Support/Jobseekers Allowance were replaced by Universal Credit. UC has very different rules and conditionality and people don't get to "work under 16 hours a week to retain their benefits". That literally isn't possible under UC rules.

imgonna · 09/04/2026 17:55

You must know this woman very well if you’re party to all the conversations she has with her children’s fathers.

YerMotherWasAHamster · 09/04/2026 17:54

Thank goodness such people are a tiny minority (just about enough for a benefit bashing show on channel 5 or something) and most people who claim benefits are decent people, trying their best.

ladyamy · 09/04/2026 17:52

HPFA · 09/04/2026 15:07

I think all these people who "know someone" must know the same few people.

I've only met one person in my life who might possibly fit that description.

I know 4

BlueSisters · 09/04/2026 17:25

I don’t know many people on benefits but those that I can think of, I wouldn’t want their life. My job isn’t amazing but it gives a sense of purpose, community, independence and something to do now my children are older.

If I had loads of money independently I would give it up and do something else, maybe a passion project or similar. But I believe it’s important to have structure and purpose so I don’t envy those on long term benefits.

Whyarepeople · 09/04/2026 17:20

You say you aren't bashing at the same time as saying you're annoyed and she's lazy.

Just pat yourself on the back that you're better than this person and move on. Please don't get involved in her life, you are not going to do her any good.

Original poster

Lazypeopleannoyme · 09/04/2026 17:13

I’ve tried to help her. I have said if she goes back to working it might help her with getting the children back.
She told me she quit her job 3 years ago for benefits.
Not because she couldn’t work. So that is where my main feeling comes from.
I would like to see her standing on her own two feet but have the feeling she is just being lazy now.
She claims she is fine mentally now.

OP posts:

littleorangefox · 09/04/2026 17:01

Tacohill · 09/04/2026 15:59

YANBU I’ve just spoken to someone who I’ve not seen in a while and asked if they had a nice bank holiday weekend.
He had no idea it was a bank holiday as he doesn’t work.

He’s spent the entire weekend getting drunk and now he’s waiting to get another tattoo.

What’s frustrating is how many people claim MH for their reason not to work but it’s not working that causes MH issues.

You can’t have no routine or purpose in your life and wonder why your MH is in shatters.

For some people, working helps their mental health. For others, it has the complete opposite effect. It isn't always so black and white.

CandidRaven · 09/04/2026 16:57

People don't get their children taken off them for not having a job so there's obviously more to it, you've even said she had depression after her baby was born so you know that she has mental health issues and yet you're still judging her and claiming she is fit for work, I'm not getting that from your description of her, she seems lost and unwell to me and you just seem judgemental and lacking compassion, maybe work on that.

SummerFrog2026 · 09/04/2026 16:54

Viviennemary · 09/04/2026 15:54

It's about time this wasn't an option.

What are you suggesting? We bring back work houses & lock up anyone that doesn't have a job?

ShanghaiDiva · 09/04/2026 16:53

Lazypeopleannoyme · 09/04/2026 16:37

I’m not bashing. Just trying to understand.
She was able to before the third child but decided to quit her job 3 years before when she left the father of the first 2. Even though there was no reason. she had a part time job and got benefits on top but she decided she wouldn’t work anymore
She worked when she was with father 1 after the children were born.
I would like to support her. She has options for a well paid job because of her qualifications but also doesn’t think of that. She refuses better paid jobs that she could have around where we live.
I believe that of she doesn’t find a job she will never get her children back. I think it is the first step, her benefits are being cut because she doesn’t have any children at home.
I just feel that she isn’t helping herself. It doesn’t matter what she does. If she shows she is going out and doing something every day she might get some more support. But screaming at the fathers doesn’t bring anything.
I actually find it sad. And how can one encourage someone.

Show quote history

Your opening post states that you are annoyed by perfectly fit people not working, but now claim you are just trying to understand..
quite the turnaround…

Sartre · 09/04/2026 16:50

I would struggle to feel much other than pity for that woman to be frank. What a sad, sad situation for all involved.

HotGazpacho · 09/04/2026 16:49

You’re not trying to understand. Nor do I think you’d like to support her. You’re bashing someone, presumably a friend or family member, and hoping that we’ll hop on board your little bandwagon. I see from your username that lazy people annoy you. Judgmental fucks annoy me.

Owninterpreter · 09/04/2026 16:48

She doesnt sound like many people would employ her.

Shinyandnew1 · 09/04/2026 16:41

There’s been a lot of benefit bashing threads going on this week!

Original poster

Lazypeopleannoyme · 09/04/2026 16:39

ShanghaiDiva · 09/04/2026 16:16

continue to be amazed that mumsnet users have such detailed knowledge of their acquaintances’ medical histories.

Show quote history

She has told me. She also asked me to take her baby home with me last year.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lazypeopleannoyme · 09/04/2026 16:37

worldshottestmom · 09/04/2026 15:58

Its easy to judge people in these situations from the outside looking in. Its easy to see this woman making a string of reckless decisions and to judge her as lazy and playing the system. Perhaps she is, but a normal person wouldn't, and the people who do this are not of sound mind - she wouldnt of lost custody of 3 children if she was. Just because its been a year and she says shes fit to work and be a parent doesn't mean that she is - clearly, she is not.

There are a lot of people that take the piss out of the benefits system and claim them because it's free money and they don't see why not. Those are the people that bother me, that I agree, should be made to work (disregarding the horrendous job market) and should not receive benefits if they refuse.

However there are soooo many people that are not in work because they are genuinely unable to. You can make these judgements while having absolutely no idea on the reality of their situation. I think its dangerous to propagate the idea that people who are on sick leave / unemployed and claiming benefits are all perfectly able to work but too lazy to do so; because it is vastly untrue. It makes the ones who really arent fit to work get bunched together with the others, and thus wrongly viewed as lazy and idle.

I’m not bashing. Just trying to understand.
She was able to before the third child but decided to quit her job 3 years before when she left the father of the first 2. Even though there was no reason. she had a part time job and got benefits on top but she decided she wouldn’t work anymore
She worked when she was with father 1 after the children were born.
I would like to support her. She has options for a well paid job because of her qualifications but also doesn’t think of that. She refuses better paid jobs that she could have around where we live.
I believe that of she doesn’t find a job she will never get her children back. I think it is the first step, her benefits are being cut because she doesn’t have any children at home.
I just feel that she isn’t helping herself. It doesn’t matter what she does. If she shows she is going out and doing something every day she might get some more support. But screaming at the fathers doesn’t bring anything.
I actually find it sad. And how can one encourage someone.

OP posts:

SerenitySeeker4 · 09/04/2026 16:32

I think minding our own business is the only way to survive in this world. So better do that

sickofthissick · 09/04/2026 16:30

I'm a bit disappointed that there have only been a couple of benefit bashing threads today. Mn is slipping. Haven't noticed that many fat people/council housing/ foreigners hating ones either. Annoying

Echobelly · 09/04/2026 16:30

Charlize43 · 09/04/2026 16:12

The system really needs a complete overhaul, IMO. Much worse now with mental health conditions of which the narrative needs to change to include 'occupational therapy' - ie, working.

This one was reported recently and annoyed me more:

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cn4vmw27x13o

But surely this is national news because it's rare. It's only newsworthy because it fits this myth that this kind of this happens all the time. Also, £23k over two years is not actually that much money, certainly not enough to be having long haul activity holidays and and all the stuff she's alleged to have paid for, on top of daily living costs- I think this woman must had money coming in from somewhere else?

Boomer55 · 09/04/2026 16:28

Lazypeopleannoyme · 09/04/2026 13:28

I get really annoyed when I see perfectly fit people not working and then complaining that they are forced to go back to work.

I know if a woman that has lost custody of her 3 children. One was put into care with her parents because the father didn’t want to take care. The other 2 are living with their father.

She pays no maintenance for them because she isn’t working. Her benefits are being cut and all she does is complain to the fathers that she has no money and wants them to pay her living costs and her petrol to collect the children.

No, you’re not unreasonable, but nothing will change in the short term. 🙄

AgnesX · 09/04/2026 16:25

If I were you I'd keep my judgemental opinions to myself. You have no idea what's going on in her life.

It's not like she's hop, skipping and jumping out of her Beemer or is she 🤔

bloomchamp · 09/04/2026 16:20

Don’t look down on anyone unless you’re helping them up

ShanghaiDiva · 09/04/2026 16:16

Lazypeopleannoyme · 09/04/2026 15:42

I’ve been a single mum and also have MH problems. I have always worked. That was to give my DC a better life.
This woman did not have MH problems before the third child but still gave up her job.
From what she has told me, she had PND with the third and problems with the father. She thinks both fathers should subsidise her now that she’s not getting benefits.

continue to be amazed that mumsnet users have such detailed knowledge of their acquaintances’ medical histories.