AIBU to Be Angry With Co-Parent’s Partner?

@LiviaDrusillaAugustawhat’s ludicrous is that over the course of two hours yesterday you called a 9 year old child (MY child) a:

”Lying little stirrer”
”Nasty liar”
”Malicious child”

and

”So spiteful”

An adult calling a child names. Repeatedly. Wow. And you say that @Weeelokthenis angry?

Hmmm I am on the fence here. I am a parent and a step parent twice over. Whilst I agree with ppl that the new partner is right to remove themselves from the mix I agree with @SnowyPolarBear9 that it wasnt their place to actively seek out the ds and tell him. That is a massive overstep.

That said, @SnowyPolarBear9 you are massively down playing your ds's behaviour here. The implications of his behaviour are huge. You dont say what the new partners job is, but if they were a teacher, social worker, doctor, nurse etc and it was said to school and triggered a safeguarding log then the partner could be in massive trouble. What actual consequences has your ds received for his lies?

Yes even in that context.
Anything along those lines should be communicated by the other co-parent.

Why would they be talking to them on the phone at all? "I won't be around you for a while because of your lies but we can talk on the phone!"

Weird.

(And for the nth time - I have no taken issue with a child learning consequences for their behaviour. I am not commenting on that.)

He is nine, not four. So perhaps they do text each other sometimes ?

Really?

child: “are you coming over this weekend?”

partner: “no I won’t be over for the foreseeable because you told lies about me and I can’t take that risk”

and you think that’s weird? The child is 9, they’re old enough to learn the natural consequence of their behaviour.

Sorry - I dunno why I said 4.5!

But my point is everybody is talking about it's fine he faces consequences - for me it's nothing to do with consequences. It's about a parent's partner overstepping the mark. If the other co-parent had called and said this I would have no issue.

The kid is 9... not 4 and a half?
The partner has been in the child's life for 4.5yrs.

I do agree though that there was probably a better way of approaching the situation than a private phone call. Perhaps in the presence of the OPs ex (not the OP) where they could briefly explain why the partner needs some time away and how the lies cannot happen again....

I think it'd be fine for the OP to say "Hey, I understand why the Partner did what they did, but in future it needs to be more tactfully communicated"..... but instead the OP is going off on one and fuming and just doesn't appear to really rationalise the extent this could have blown up in the partners face.

Lessons for everyone in the scenario I think... parents, kid and partner can all learn something from it.

(Edited for typo)

You're missing my point. It's nothing to do with consequences.

It's about the weirdness of a romantic partner calling her partner's 4.5 year old to say that. That's a job for the parent.

If she called just to say that or called to say something else and then said that I find both equally weird.

You're missing my point. It's nothing to do with consequences.

It's about the weirdness of a romantic partner calling her partner's 4.5 year old to say that. That's a job for the parent.

You're missing my point. It's nothing to do with consequences.

It's about the weirdness of a romantic partner calling her partner's 4.5 year old to say that. That's a job for the parent.

If he’s old enough to behave like this he’s old enough to learn the consequences

Did she specifically call to say that or was it just a conversation where she said it.

I have not seen anywhere that she did not.

I am simply working on what OP and I think it's really fucking weird to call the young child of the person you are dating to say this.

I have not seen anywhere that she did not.

I am simply working on what OP and I think it's really fucking weird to call the young child of the person you are dating to say this.

I'm team her.

I wonder if the relationship is strained having to put up with a lying child that isn't even blood related to her girlfriend so she's distancing herself from anything involving you.

But did she even do that?

She had a right to do so anyway - perhaps he might learn that lying about people means they won’t want to spend time with you.

I feel there are two different ways people are seeing this.

Whether she is right to distance herself from the child for a bit (I think she is).

Whether she was right to call this child and communicate what she was doing - I think that's weird and baffled people think it's ok?!

I'm so sorry @SnowyPolarBear9 that you and your son have had such a bashing on this thread. Many of the comments are unjust and some are frankly unhinged. Best wishes to you.

I’m sorry but what gives you the right to comment on my parenting that I didn’t even ask for advice on as being “quite strange”.

You might want to assess each film/game etc on its own merits as to when it’s appropriate to watch and at what age; that’s fine — you do you. But I prefer a blanket approach because my child needs black and white boundaries. He really struggles with grey areas and if I tried to judge each film individually, he would find excuses/reasons/one thousand explanations as to why I should let him watch something. The headache it would cause just isn’t worth it for me as a parent, and so a blanket approach is what I not you have decided.

I’m still a bit blown away by this thread calling a 9 year old a nasty little shit stirrer, accusing him of ‘dangerous, potentially career ending’ lies.

He said his mum’s girlfriend said he might like Stranger Things! What the fuck is wrong with people’s sense of perspective?

@SnowyPolarBear9 - can you confirm if he spread these dangerous falsehoods because he was trying to get the new partner ‘in trouble’ or was it more a case of wanting to watch something and trying to sound a bit more grown up and cool than he is?

Because if it’s the latter, I can absolutely guarantee everyone frothing on this thread at the thought of him being punished have either told an equivalent lie at some point in their life, or their children have. ‘But my mum/ dad/ uncle/ best friends mum lets me’ is really not the crime of the century.