AIBU to Be Angry With Co-Parent’s Partner?

you’re not doing your son any favours with this kind of parenting op. time to step up.

Would you want to spend time with someone who is telling lies about you that could potentially cause major issues? Children lying about adults can be a very dangerous thing.

This is a natural consequence of your child’s behaviour. The partner needs to protect themselves against any lies or allegations in the future.

Me too! And how does OP know that this conversation isn't something else that her child has lied about?

I would respect the ex's partners decision to have some space from the person who is making up stuff about her and let the dust settle a bit. Seems strange to punish the victim in this.

agree with this, is it even true they co parents partner said this, given his history of lieing ? wouldnt be shocked if he's said it to try and get her into trouble.

Any conversation you may want to have about this needs to start between you and your ex.

That conversation needs to respect that it’s ok for one person to choose to reduce their interaction with someone who tells lies about them. That may require a more age appropriate explanation tha has been given so far, but there’s nothing wrong with that concept

100% this, they are worried about anything else untrue being said about them.

Given he’s already lied about the partner are you 100% sure this is an accurate version of events?

Ideally it should have been communicated to the child with or via the co-parent but the partner is well within their rights to protect themselves from the child’s lies.

Oh great. Another thread where another mum to a son enables their sons shitty behaviour.

We disagree. That’s fine.

She’s spot on. I wouldn’t be seeing him either.

It’s not a punishment, it’s a natural consequence of his behaviour. Look at it this way - if he told lies about a friend at school that got or might have gotten the friend into trouble with the teacher, it is highly likely that the friend wouldn’t want to play with him again for quite a while. In a sense, it’s better that he’s learning this lesson in a fairly safe and controlled way from an adult rather than in the brutal way the playground would teach it.

It sounds like she is trying to protect herself against unfounded allegations from your dc. This time it was about age ratings on TV programmes. Who knows what it might be next time?! I would certainly want to distance myself in that situation.

Of course, there was the option that she just quietly disappear from your DS's life for a while, but perhaps she thought it would be wrong to effectively just "ghost" him, and she probably believed that explaining her decision was the right thing to do.

Would you prefer that she had just stayed away from him without any explanation? Or do you think she should carry on as if nothing has happened, despite the false allegations that were made against her and the likely fear that she may be subjected to more.

Your ds will hopefully have learnt a valuable lesson - if you make up lies about people, they may not want to be around you.

If she's not 'a big part of his life' - then it's not a massive consequence is it?

Have you dealt with the lying already and, if so, how? You talk about punishment but she's just creating a bit of space isn't she?

It's so bloody hard for non-parents to navigate the waters - did you make him apologise? Someone should have, if not you then your former partner.

But if it's not communicated to the child... how does the child know it was wrong and not to do it again?

The only one who has used the word punishment is the OP who is spiralling instead of actually parenting.

I’m confused about the relationship. On one hand, they never see each other but on the other they’ve had phone conversations that neither parent hears/was part of and she was in a position where they could have let your son watch a movie without either parent knowing about it.

I'm on the fence on this one. I can see why the partner would feel very uncomfortable about your child telling lies about them - they can probably imagine a far more serious situation in which this could have been very problematic for them - and hence want to step back from spending time with your child. But I agree with you they could have just done this quietly and not made it into a 'punishment' for your child.

I am worried you have got so angry at someone who has done nothing wrong. Is this something you are going to carry through their schooling? Poor teachers.

Your child lied.
Your ex partners partner (TBH it could be anyone caught in the crosshairs tbh) has made it clear they will not be dragged into situations involving your child.
You have fully justified this response by getting so angry about it rather than seeing it as the sensible response.

My guess is there is a LOT of other stuff between you and your ex that this person is dealing with constantly and they have decided the best way to deal with things is to remove themselves from situations that involve.....you.

FWIW I think you're being unreasonable - he lied so being ignored is a reasonable consequence. Kids who lie about adults can get them in a lot of serious trouble. But even if you were being reasonable, the idea that you waste any energy writing emails / letters etc to someone else who has little to do with your DS anyway is the pointless bit. As a parent, when you split, you can't always control the circumstances in which the other parent puts the child in, the people they are exposed to etc etc. Save your energy for the battles that are worth fighting

She’s right. I found myself in this situation and the lies got bigger and bigger and eventually included all of us. She’s right to keep her distance and he is right to understand why

Sorry but I think its reasonable for her to say that, given he is lying about her. You and his father need to address why he feels the need to do that, but he certainly needs consequences for his actions and I think its fair enough tbh.

I think co-parents partner has every right to not want to be with a child who tells lies about them. A 'bigger' lie could have serious repercussions. Why should they take the risk?
This isn't about punishing the child. It is the nonrelated adult protecting themselves from false accusations.

I think she's right to put some space between them for a while. Your DS obviously has an issue with your Ex's partner which needs resolving between you and your Ex.

I don't think she is punishing him, just distancing herself from the situation for a while.

It's the 3rd party who is the one whose life and reputation can be ruined by the lies about child makes up. Clearly the OP doesn't care about that so yeah, I see why they needed to take matters into their own hand. Presumably the other co-parent is on board with this approach anyway.

I wouldn't see a child that told lies about me to their parents either. That's a risky situation to be in. I don't blame her and your son now knows that his actions will have consequences.

I think the co-parent’s partner is bang out of order. Not their child. Anything like this should be left to you and the other partner.

It’s fine for her not to see the child for a bit but if she does not live with your ex then no need to communicate to your child. It should all have been left to the other parent.