AIBU / Ridiculous re putting extra mileage on my car

not necessarily. late DH each had our own cars which we had chosen. I never used his because I didn't like it, but he would borrow mine sometimes if it didn't inconvenience me ie he couldn't take it if I was working or had planned to do something. Repairs, services and so on all came out of joint funds but they were in no way shared cars.

How do you normally pay for stuff because that's a huge factor.

If you have your own cars and finances then yanbu.

but if you're married and pooling money and repair costs then you're a team so yabvu and using this as an excuse to exert control over the hobby you don't like.

Yes, I'm always slightly baffled by couples who operate like this. Like housemates.
Still, their choice.

😂
He's the only person in the UK who does that hobby, I'm guessing 😂

Blimey. Talk about yours and mine. Is your whole house determined by what is yours or his ?
You share a life. Counting the cost of mileage sounds very miserable.

Seems really petty in the scheme of relationship give and take. If you DH is not someone you want to help out when you can, maybe there is something more significant wrong with your relationship.

OK THEN!!
Dungeons and dragons

Don't you know that women who post about their husbands hobbies on MN are extremely rare and any mention of said hobby will instantly out them in the way of a headline in the Daily Mail......

we use it to go places as a family or on longer journeys because it's much bigger and more comfortable and mine would struggle to pull the skin off a rice pudding so overtaking on a motorway is a nightmare

So it’s ok to put miles on your DHs car because it’s more comfortable? But not ok to put miles on your car for a month whilst he’s without? YABU

Tbh you may as well disclose the hobby, because we're all curious, and it will be outing enough for anyone who knows you because you've put that it's a 40 mile round trip twice a day. None of us can think what that could possibly be, so probably only the thing he does would make sense of it, so anyone who knows would be able to work out it's you from that alone - plus the car trouble too.

So don't worry about outing, just tell us haha.

Interesting thought lol, hopefully not for OPs sake🤞
Yes, ours is/was a family hobby though DS no longer partakes, and DH always invited outside to join us even when he’d rather not!

I suppose I wonder when I see threads like this though, whether the hobby was a part of who they were when first meeting? I’m sure there are many very successful relationships where each does something different with their time, but perhaps having common interests from the outset maybe loads the dice to a long and stress free life together? I don’t know 🧐DH and I met in a roundabout way via the shared hobby so seemed like a winner and many years later, we still are the same team we’ve always been. Another question entirely from the adding of mileage to a car.

Was it a hobby though, or training for serious competition.

my dc is an athlete and trains twice a day, but they’re national squad…

twice a day is not a “hobby” that’s serious time and money.

o/p I know you’ve said the hobby isn’t relevant, but I think it is. We could judge whether twice a day is necessary- horses, professional training leading to a job or income generating activity, training for the olympics etc vs something he just likes doing.

if the former then the need for twice a day is more understandable and I’d support it. If he just likes going with no end purpose then he can cut down for a few weeks with no consequence.

it’s not CrossFit/hyrox? Even then twice a day is excessive and he could probably replace one session a day.

At between 5-6am? Don’t think so.

Bellringing?

And fgs, spell it right if you do!! 😁

Twice a day seems like a lot, if it's an activity that your DH could conceivably cut back on. If our finances were arranged so that I was the one paying for maintenance, I might be pissed off that things like services and tyre replacement would come around that much faster. Don't worry about the insurance limit, though. I had to call our insurance company recently because it looked as if we were on target to exceed our existing limit of 18,000 miles a year if we didn't keep the car on the drive for the next 3 months. They added on a small supplement for the renewal quote, but couldn't have been less bothered otherwise. But do let them know.

An additional 500/wrrk for a hobby is utterly unreasonable. He needs to curb it until his car is back in the road.

Quite honestly if he is doing that every single day he would be my exh. I am all for hobbies and individual interests but that is massively excessive. There is no way you are getting to opt out of mum life for the same aniubt of time.

He is a dick.

I agree. If he's going twice a day, it seems odd to describe it as a hobby, that would be competition level surely? Or if he's not competing, perhaps he's chosen the wrong sport and he should pick something he's better at?

Is he the regional tiddlywinks champion and he has to travel to a regulation tiddlywinks 'arena'?

ETA. I made up tiddlywinks as something that seems ridiculous but having googled, I've now learned that competition level tiddlywinks players are called winkers and there is a website all about serious tiddlywinks playing called winkipedia.

I recommend that you do not go there if you want to get anything done this afternoon as it has internet rabbit hole written all over it.

I suppose I stand corrected then but I do think yours sounds like a potential family activity and your DH is always (?) invited and if not him, joy with DD. OPs DH seems to just disappear for a few hours a day. His hobby could be a secret family down the road where he’s pretending he has two jobs so only needs to go before and after.

The usual benefit of WFH is the reduction in travel time. In this case it seems to be the increase of travel time.
Very interesting.

I hear you OP. My partner's car was hit by the London charge, so he borrowed my 18 year old mini 4 times a week until he bought himself a new car. My mini was so loved by me, but it was on it's last legs. His driving so much and he drives badly, pretty much finished my car off. It because so craggy to drive I had to get rid of it. I still smart over it!!

Ordinarily I'd have no problem but an old car, nobody wants the cost of having to buy a replacement.

I reckon he loves nothing more than going out in the sea in his trusty old speedboat that he won on Bullseye many years ago, except they live in the Midlands.

500 miles a week is roughly what I do for work so that is standard for me but I would be more concerned he is driving twice a day to do this hobby along with working and clearly never home with yuo anyway.

You’re married so it’s not really ‘your’ car, it’s a shared household car. Presumably when you need to replace it this will be from shared household finances anyway? If you aren’t seeing yourself as one unit within a shared household and instead view everything as ‘yours’ or ‘his’ what was the point of marriage?

How are you getting to work while he does this hobby? How is he doing all this travel twice a day and working?