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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU / Ridiculous re putting extra mileage on my car

339 replies

MileageWoes · 09/04/2026 11:28

DH works from home, I work full time in the office. He is having major car trouble and will be without a car for the next few weeks. Obviously he doesn't need a car for work but he has a hobby that he travels to so is using my car morning and evening to do this. It's a 40 mile round trip, twice a day so means that he's putting over 500 miles extra on my car every week! I think he should cut back to once a day until he gets his own car back and he thinks I am being very unreasonable as it will only be for 3/4 weeks.

I WILL NOT BE DISCLOSING WHAT THE HOBBY IS! (I don't want to out myself and it's really really not relevant to my question)

OP posts:
SatsumaDog · 09/04/2026 15:13

Myfavouritecolourisanimalprint · 09/04/2026 14:58

Is it racing pigeons? If so, the mileage is probably the least of your worries

I was wondering this too. The fact it’s every day both morning and night suggests some type of animal is involved. Could be wrong of course!

notacooldad · 09/04/2026 15:12

SinnerBoy
2,000 miles a month is 24,000 miles a year. He needs to pay for tyres and servicing

But he isn't doing 24000 Mike's. He only wants to use it for a couple of weeks.

OP seems pety especially as there is another family car available.
Although we pay for our own cars in our family, they are pretty much interchangeable by need.

TamarindCottage · 09/04/2026 15:10

Who tends to the horses at weekends if he’s only tending them five days a week?

SinnerBoy · 09/04/2026 15:07

2,000 miles a month is 24,000 miles a year. He needs to pay for tyres and servicing g!

dontthreatenhim · 09/04/2026 15:06

MileageWoes · 09/04/2026 11:48

To answer some questions, he's not a roadie Grin but that made me smile. We usually have two cars, mine is a much smaller/cheaper car and although he doesn't need his car for work we use it to go places as a family or on longer journeys because it's much bigger and more comfortable and mine would struggle to pull the skin off a rice pudding so overtaking on a motorway is a nightmare It's not on a PCP or anything but it's old now and I'd like to try keep it in good nick so I don't have to replace it anytime soon and I feel like this much extra use isn't going to help that. But maybe I am being unreasonable. The hobby is a thorny one for me, yes it gives him great joy but he is up very (very!) early which wakes me (he's back home in time to start work) and I hardly see him in the evenings. DC are older teens so not an issue with them really, more just me.

although he doesn't need his car for work we use it to go places as a family or on longer journeys because it's much bigger and more comfortable

So you are happy to benefit from using his car when it's available but not keen to share yours? This seems oddly mean and unreasonable.

I agree with others, if the issue is the hobby, address the issue. Don't deflect into petty arguments about car millage.

RominaDina · 09/04/2026 15:03

Myfavouritecolourisanimalprint · 09/04/2026 14:58

Is it racing pigeons? If so, the mileage is probably the least of your worries

😂

Ally886 · 09/04/2026 15:02

Bjorkdidit · 09/04/2026 12:05

That sounds like a reasonable guess but surely if he had horses he had to visit twice a day, he wouldn't keep them 20 miles away? Or he'd pay for livery some of the time to reduce the times he had to go there?

The extra 2000 miles on your car is a minor annoyance compared with the time he's taking for himself for this mystery hobby. Can he give it a miss some of the time so you have access to your car for things you want to do? If he's worn his car out doing his hobby, surely that should tell him he's doing it too much.

I voted YABU simply because surely you must know that you can't complain about a DH hobby on MN without saying what it is, especially when you drop a breadcrumb about an unusual aspect such as him doing it twice a day every day, 20 miles away?

Edited
Show quote history

Twenty thousand. Not two. Twenty. That will seriously impact depreciation of a vehicle. Mine would lose an extra £2,500 per year doing 20k Vs 10k miles

Myfavouritecolourisanimalprint · 09/04/2026 14:58

Is it racing pigeons? If so, the mileage is probably the least of your worries

Original poster
MileageWoes · 09/04/2026 14:57

viques · 09/04/2026 14:53

If he is going twice a day it’s not a hobby, it’s an unhealthy obsession.

Yep, this has been my feeling about it for some time. It most definitely is a hobby - it's not a competitive sport as some people have suggested.

But that's not the point of the thread, and the overwhelming majority feel that I am being unreasonable to fret over the extra mileage for 3/4 weeks so I have taken that on board and won't mention it to him again.

OP posts:
viques · 09/04/2026 14:53

If he is going twice a day it’s not a hobby, it’s an unhealthy obsession.

Listlostlast · 09/04/2026 14:51

My first thought was that I couldn’t imagine a situation where I would begrudge my husband the use of my car… then I reread and muttered ‘what the fuck’ to myself realising he’s doing 40 miles round twice a bloody day! I think 99% of people would find that to be ridiculous and excessive for any hobby so I suspect it’s more about his all-consuming hobby and your feelings about that (valid if you’re fucked off tbh!) and not so much about the car!

godmum56 · 09/04/2026 14:50

Chipsahoy · 09/04/2026 14:32

But you’re married. Surely that means cars are shared? I may technically be the owner and keeper of a car and my dh of another but we consider them shared and equal.

and again, not necessarily. late DH and I had very different needs and preferences in cars and we each chose our own. He did a lot of long distance motorway mileage and big loved sporty saloon types and I did practically all my mileage over very rough rural roads so I really needed (and wanted) 4x4 and high clearance. I really didn't like his to drive and never drove it, he didn't mind mine but would never have chosen it. If he needed to borrow my car, then of course he could do so but not when i needed it. All car costs were funded out of joint finance. There are also minor points like having to move stuff from car to car and seat and so on adjustment.

MrsClatterbuck · 09/04/2026 14:48

My car insurance has a restraint on my mileage up to 15,000 miles so this extra could affect your insurance.

Bjorkdidit · 09/04/2026 14:36

Chipsahoy · 09/04/2026 14:32

But you’re married. Surely that means cars are shared? I may technically be the owner and keeper of a car and my dh of another but we consider them shared and equal.

Perhaps they should also look at sharing personal free time and household chores equally in their marriage too?

14 x round trips a week plus time spent on the mystery hobby must add up, 20 hours a week at least? Does the DH do a fair share of stuff at home and does the OP also get 20 hours a week to do as she pleases or does 'shared and equal' only apply to use of her car?

drippingsap · 09/04/2026 14:35

Bobloblawww · 09/04/2026 11:33

That is a ridiculous amount of time and mileage for a hobby regardless of whose car it is.

This, who on earth has time for this!

Chipsahoy · 09/04/2026 14:32

But you’re married. Surely that means cars are shared? I may technically be the owner and keeper of a car and my dh of another but we consider them shared and equal.

Wellthisisdifficult · 09/04/2026 14:31

PixelDreamer · 09/04/2026 11:37

Horses...

Show quote history

That was my first thought, although it seems a long way (unless they live in a city I suppose)

Dollymylove · 09/04/2026 14:31

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2026 11:32

You're begrudging your DH use of the car for a hobby they enjoy because its resulting in 500 annual miles.

That seems ridiculous to me. What is wrong with your marriage that 500 miles on the car is a breaking point?

Its 500 miles A WEEK, not a YEAR!!

Katypp · 09/04/2026 14:23

I can't understand these marriages where on one hand, the couple need to be joined at the hip (complaints about what DH does with his own time) and on the other hand, finances and possessions are treated like a flat-share (my and his savings, cars, money etc)

bigboykitty · 09/04/2026 14:13

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2026 11:32

You're begrudging your DH use of the car for a hobby they enjoy because its resulting in 500 annual miles.

That seems ridiculous to me. What is wrong with your marriage that 500 miles on the car is a breaking point?

500 miles a week FFS

likelysuspect · 09/04/2026 14:05

Rachelshair · 09/04/2026 12:34

What if you want to go out in the evening? He should pay towards new tyres and brake pads when they are due, that's a lot of extra mileage so they will need replacing sooner. If you look after your car it shouldn't damage it being driven more though, if it's 2k miles or so extra. Long drives can be better than short trips.
Driving 80 miles a day for a hobby is mad though. And you say you hardly see him. He is clearly prioritising that over your relationship which would be more of an issue for me than the car use.

You think 2k miles is a lot of mileage to the degree it affects tyres and brake pads?

We can rack that up easily a week on holiday. Wouldnt think twice.

likelysuspect · 09/04/2026 13:59

Ive only read the first page and you've already answered one of my questions which is that your car is old

My car is old, around 160k miles, I expect thousands more out of it before it dies as well. 2k miles extra on it is neither here nor there.

However people seem to like low(er) mileage cars so horses for courses

Its irrelevant where he's going really, its more about why are you worried about the miles, is it because of the insurance, if so ring them and up it, it would probably cost pennies, or is it becuase of ongoing sales?

WonderingWanda · 09/04/2026 13:56

It wouldn't bother me....cars are absolute money pits which depreicated by the second whatever you do so there is little point worrying about the mileage.

Dh and I use each other's cars if needed and in fact dh paid for me last car outright with his work bonus but still asks if he can borrow it bless him even (for things like tip runs or to use the towbar because his car is very impractical and stupid).

Is yours a special sort of car op? Like some sort of classic or very expensive sports car that will hold value? Would he be allowed to use it for that many miles if it was for work rather than the hobby? Is it the hobby you object to? (By the way I couldn't care less what it is or who you are and neither does anyone else).

RominaDina · 09/04/2026 13:55

LifeIsAMeatball · 09/04/2026 13:24

Bellringing?

Morris dancing?

Ilovelifeverymuch · 09/04/2026 13:55

budgiegirl · 09/04/2026 11:36

You really begrudge your DH putting miles on your car? That wouldn't even cross my mind - but then again, we have two cars and we share them, so we don't really have a 'his car, her car' mentality, either to cars or to finances.

Or is this really about something else - do you resent your DH's hobby, do you disagree with the way you run your finances etc? Are the miles actually a red herring to something deeper going on?

To be fair that's a lot of miles for a hobby lol. 500 miles a week, what hobby is that???

And I'm sure part of OPs attitude is due to resentment about the hobby overall. That must take a lot of time and money to maintain.