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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU / Ridiculous re putting extra mileage on my car

339 replies

MileageWoes · 09/04/2026 11:28

DH works from home, I work full time in the office. He is having major car trouble and will be without a car for the next few weeks. Obviously he doesn't need a car for work but he has a hobby that he travels to so is using my car morning and evening to do this. It's a 40 mile round trip, twice a day so means that he's putting over 500 miles extra on my car every week! I think he should cut back to once a day until he gets his own car back and he thinks I am being very unreasonable as it will only be for 3/4 weeks.

I WILL NOT BE DISCLOSING WHAT THE HOBBY IS! (I don't want to out myself and it's really really not relevant to my question)

OP posts:
Londonrach1 · 11/04/2026 08:32

If married surely you help each other and share as you are a unit.

whattheysay · 11/04/2026 08:30

Sounds like you have quite separate lives, financially and socially.
If my car needed replacing it wouldn’t be up to me to pay for my car out of my own money, we would look at the family finances and pay for it. And we have adult children but I don’t think dh would choose to be away for the whole evening every single day. You seem to be two separate people

Spaghetti12 · 11/04/2026 08:18

I would be peed off with this too, my car is 6 years old and has less than 30,000 miles on it. There’s been occasions when my DH vehicle has been off the road and he’s had to use my car. I understand it needs to happen for essentials like work and visiting family but I’d have to say something about adding these extra miles for a hobby.

Brahumbug · 11/04/2026 08:09

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2026 11:32

You're begrudging your DH use of the car for a hobby they enjoy because its resulting in 500 annual miles.

That seems ridiculous to me. What is wrong with your marriage that 500 miles on the car is a breaking point?

500 miles a week, not annually!

Catwalking · 11/04/2026 08:05

Cannot believe so many are focussed on what the ‘hobby’ is, & no1 with the right health & welfare of their animals, would have their horse/s that far from home.

If OP suddenly badly needed to use her own economical more convenient car, whilst H is gadding about having a high old time 20 miles away does she then have to pay for a taxi?!!

And, yes the mileage is a thing as it will have impact on her insurance.

Bonsatater · 11/04/2026 07:18

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2026 11:32

You're begrudging your DH use of the car for a hobby they enjoy because its resulting in 500 annual miles.

That seems ridiculous to me. What is wrong with your marriage that 500 miles on the car is a breaking point?

500 miles a week not year is a lot

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 11/04/2026 03:25

I think he should pay extra to cover the fuel costs. If he doesnt like it tell him to hire a car to get bsckwards and forward to his hobby.

Whatever that is.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 11/04/2026 03:17

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2026 11:32

You're begrudging your DH use of the car for a hobby they enjoy because its resulting in 500 annual miles.

That seems ridiculous to me. What is wrong with your marriage that 500 miles on the car is a breaking point?

I think she said 500 miles a week.
Big differerence?

WeirdyBeardyMarrowBabyLady · 10/04/2026 23:17

Allaroundthehouses · 10/04/2026 22:34

Having a horse. Been there, done it.

Show quote history

OP said not a horse

likelysuspect · 10/04/2026 23:08

Allotment.

StolenTeapots · 10/04/2026 22:55

I don't know why people dont just write fake hobbies if their Dhs hobby is sooooo unique and outing. It ends up derailing the threads trying to guess.

I'm desperate to know what it is as its ridiculous either way.

mrsalfstewart · 10/04/2026 22:44

YABU not saying what the hobby is! There must be hundreds of thousands of MN users, how the fuck can it be outing?! And yes he’s being a complete knob.

CJ50Mum · 10/04/2026 22:43

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/04/2026 22:26

the OP makes it clear that they do, I rather suspect that he started this years ago in order to avoid family life and carried it on.

Show quote history

I've just read back all the messages (10 pages of them) & see they have kids

CJ50Mum · 10/04/2026 22:41

Boomer55 · 10/04/2026 17:10

This. Marriage is a partnership.🙄

Show quote history

Not much of a partnership from his side if he's working full time & attends a hobby twice a day every day. Does he contribute to the housework, the kids, the relationship?

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/04/2026 22:35

Having a horse. Been there, done it.

Cancel the fucking cheque

Allaroundthehouses · 10/04/2026 22:34

PsychoHotSauce · 09/04/2026 11:35

500 miles a week. Apparently. I'm struggling to work out what kind of hobby would need attendance twice a day, every day though.

Show quote history

Having a horse. Been there, done it.

CJ50Mum · 10/04/2026 22:31

Katypp · 09/04/2026 14:23

I can't understand these marriages where on one hand, the couple need to be joined at the hip (complaints about what DH does with his own time) and on the other hand, finances and possessions are treated like a flat-share (my and his savings, cars, money etc)

I hardly think they are joined at the hip when they both work & he goes to a hobby twice a day every day, probably barely see each other

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/04/2026 22:26

CJ50Mum · 10/04/2026 22:21

Who has time for a hobby twice a day every day of the week that is 40mile round trip? Assume you don't have children?

the OP makes it clear that they do, I rather suspect that he started this years ago in order to avoid family life and carried it on.

Drats · 10/04/2026 22:22

It would bother me, we have very separate finances. I think it depends really. For example, if ‘your’ car were to have an issue that was expensive to fix in a few months time would you be paying for that from shared finances? Or your own money? Same with tyres etc. Bevuasw wear and tear can take a while to become a problem. Obviously the car is worth less when it has more miles on and if you’re species to buy your own car form your own money then of course you want your current car to be worth as much as possible for as long as possible. If it’s your own money then of course he needs to leave your car alone. I’ve had three cars that have had the same fault that I’ve had to pay to fix from my own money and I am absolutely sure it is from my OH’s fault when he’s driven my car. I told him this latest time that he should pay. M

If everything is shared then I think I wouldn’t care at all. It is hard for some people to understand when they’ve shared money their whole married life.

CJ50Mum · 10/04/2026 22:21

Who has time for a hobby twice a day every day of the week that is 40mile round trip? Assume you don't have children?

3isthemagicnumber1 · 10/04/2026 22:18

I would care less about the mileage and more about him spending so much of his waking life on a hobby. Twice a day! So weird. But on the mileage alone I think YABU.

Thepossibility · 10/04/2026 22:14

Meh. As long as he filled it up for me and I didn't need it I can't see the issue.

Socksey · 10/04/2026 21:43

For me, the key thing is if the car is owned outright or even on a traditional HP... but if its on a PCP and this would put you over your mileage then I'd be really unimpressed

MusicalRocks · 10/04/2026 21:26

No you aren't being unreasonable. He's leaving you and the kids stranded every morning and night for up to a month so he can still do his hobby. I'd say he needs to cut it down hugely when the house hild is down to one car and yes that increase in wear and tear on my car would worry me. What uf your car breaks too? How will you get to work?

Lamaitresse · 10/04/2026 21:13

What is a car for if not for driving?
I think you’re being ridiculous tbh. Would you rather have your dh disappointed and resentful, with your car sat there doing nothing, or have the car used for what it’s made for and make your dh happy?
It’s an absolute no brainer.
I honestly don’t understand why you would have a problem putting miles on your car op?!

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