AIBU / Ridiculous re putting extra mileage on my car

I wouldn't think anything of it, especially if it's only for a few weeks! Sounds like the kind of favour I'd do for my husband without thinking so I'm going to add to the voices saying this is about a bigger issue than the mileage.

If you normally use his car for family trips then him using yours temporarily seems like a fair exchange (assuming here you pay for them separately? If you don't pay for them separately I really don't understand what the issue is)

Isn’t the point of cycling that you spend the time cycling instead of driving?

That sounds like a reasonable guess but surely if he had horses he had to visit twice a day, he wouldn't keep them 20 miles away? Or he'd pay for livery some of the time to reduce the times he had to go there?

The extra 2000 miles on your car is a minor annoyance compared with the time he's taking for himself for this mystery hobby. Can he give it a miss some of the time so you have access to your car for things you want to do? If he's worn his car out doing his hobby, surely that should tell him he's doing it too much.

I voted YABU simply because surely you must know that you can't complain about a DH hobby on MN without saying what it is, especially when you drop a breadcrumb about an unusual aspect such as him doing it twice a day every day, 20 miles away?

I know right. There would be no free time to do anything else, ever.

As I said though, I can't think of any hobby that would involve two 40 mile round trips a DAY, every day of the week. Not one.

Worrying about putting a couple of thousand miles on a car by using it does remind me a bit of some of these ludicrous, expensive shoes that the manufacturers will refuse to refund you when the soles aren't up the job and fail "because they aren't intended for walking in"!

It’s a bizarre hobby to require twice a day visits.

That would annoy me more than the mileage.

YANBU it's too much and he should be reducing it to once a day or every other day as a compromise. I don't understand how men ( always seems to be men) get away with these all consuming hobbies which allow them to check out of family life - Intrigued by the hobby which can be done after work as well as before fishing, wild swimming, fell running, horse riding?

I cannot imagine what hobby it is that means you have to do two 40 mile round trips a day!!! Every day of the week!

I couldn't be arsed with those trips every day of the week. What on earth? 'Hobbies' don't usually involved fourteen 40 mile round trips a week!

Baffling.........

.

I agree with PP that the time he's spending on the hobby, and not there for family duties, could be a concern; but as to using your car, I really don't get it if you're married. Even though you might generally default to 'his car' and 'her car', surely you just have two household cars that the two adults in the household use as needed/wanted and for which the household money pays?

I WILL NOT BE DISCLOSING WHAT THE HOBBY IS! (I don't want to out myself and it's really really not relevant to my question)

It's cycling isn't it?

YABU, you are a married couple. Share and share alike... Very selfish to not let him use your car if he needs it and you don't...

I'd be annoyed that he takes the car every evening, leaving you stuck at home.
As far as the mileage is concerned, for a few weeks it shouldn't really matter, but longer term it may well make a difference to the car, particularly if he is thrashing it up and down the motorway.

So it seems like you feel his hobby takes priority over everything. You are woken up early in the morning for it, you never see him because he's always out before and after work, and now he's proposing to take your old car potentially leaving you car-less for a month - it's just a bridge too far.

I don't blame you. I wouldn't be happy in this situation either.

Unless the hobby involves animals that need support, YANBU. I'm presuming that he's written this mileage into his insurance (which must cost a fortune) and you haven't.

500 a week, I wouldnt be impressed either!!

Oh come on OP. Cars are there to be driven, stop being ridiculous. What if the tables turned and you had a change in circumstances, you would expect to use your dh's car if needed.

I really couldn’t get worked up about this. As long as he pays for the fuel.

I do 1100 miles a month!!! Every month.

How long does it take him to do his hobby? With a 40 mile round trip twice a day and presumably time spent at the hobby it must be a significant amount of time? That would be more the problem for me. Can he go less often?

I think you’re being utterly ridiculous tbh.

So long as he's putting the petrol in it and it's not a vintage Ferrari then I wouldn't give a monkey's. This is what cars are for.

My car is only insured for 10,000 miles annually and I'm usually bag on with little wiggle room so an extra unexpected 2000 miles would mean i'd have to change my policy too. I think as long as the cost of the extra miles is covered ie my fuel tank isn't left empty for me to fill and any extra cost of insurance is covered, I wouldn't mind provided I don't need to use the car. If I was on a lease with limited mileage I'd be less okay.

I think if you have accepted your partner doing a hobby twice a day that involves 500 miles a week, then the car issue for a few weeks is neither here nor there.

surprised he has time to work

If, as your OP states, the hobby is irrelevant and him doing it isn’t the issue then isn’t this just how marriage is supposed to work? Unless you have completely separate finances and are worried about the added cost you’re personally going to pick up for wear and tear and servicing, it’s not costing the household any more overall because what the household pot would usually pay for those things on his car just goes towards those things on your car.

I know the OP says she won't disclose the hobby because we'll then know who she is, but I'm struggling to understand what he's up to. He might WFH but the travel time twice a day PLUS the actual hobby (unless it IS "driving aimlessly" surely takes up most of the day, EVERY day?