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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU / Ridiculous re putting extra mileage on my car

339 replies

MileageWoes · 09/04/2026 11:28

DH works from home, I work full time in the office. He is having major car trouble and will be without a car for the next few weeks. Obviously he doesn't need a car for work but he has a hobby that he travels to so is using my car morning and evening to do this. It's a 40 mile round trip, twice a day so means that he's putting over 500 miles extra on my car every week! I think he should cut back to once a day until he gets his own car back and he thinks I am being very unreasonable as it will only be for 3/4 weeks.

I WILL NOT BE DISCLOSING WHAT THE HOBBY IS! (I don't want to out myself and it's really really not relevant to my question)

OP posts:
Picklesandfrickles · 09/04/2026 12:16

Zov · 09/04/2026 12:12

20 miles away though? Anecdotal, but I know loads of people with horses (I live rurally in a little village,) and every single one has their horses within 2-3 miles of their house. Most are within a mile. A few have them on their own land.

And if it was a horse/horses, why can the OP not go with him? (I am wondering if he has a secret family now.) 👀

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Depends on the facilities you want. If its a competition horse the better livery may be that far away with indoor/outdoor schools etc. i travel 9 miles each way because closer yards aren’t great for what i need, however i still only compete locally so don’t need excessive facilities. If i wanted to be at a bigger yard where i was competing up and down the country and wanted facilities to accommodate that it would be about 15 miles each way. There are yards closer to me but its literally just a stable and a field so doesn’t meet my requirements.

Horse people are odd people 😂 we will inconvenience ourselves for the convieniencw of our horse

OneCoralGoose · 09/04/2026 12:16

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What

Zov · 09/04/2026 12:15

@Firesidechatter

Confused how this work on large scale. I’ve Mediterannean grandparents, both sides, should I return to the med and claim the land is mine as my grandparents and multiple generations Before lived there, and what, the current owners should just say fair play, here you go?

??? Wrong thread?

Firesidechatter · 09/04/2026 12:15

Sorry yes wrong thread I reported it.,

randomchap · 09/04/2026 12:15

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Wrong thread?

Firesidechatter · 09/04/2026 12:14

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This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Parky04 · 09/04/2026 12:14

I couldn't give a toss what someone's hobby usually is, but I'm intrigued with this one! Maybe, volunteers to feed an animal at the nearest zoo?

WorstPaceScenario · 09/04/2026 12:14

I think the fact that you're (by your own admission) "thorny" about this hobby is colouring your judgement here. It's hard to know if YABU about the bobby in general without more context, but YABU about the mileage on the car.

GreyfriarsJobbies · 09/04/2026 12:13

Zov · 09/04/2026 12:05

I know right. There would be no free time to do anything else, ever.

As I said though, I can't think of any hobby that would involve two 40 mile round trips a DAY, every day of the week. Not one.

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I did similar when I rowed at a decent level; an early morning outing on the water and then a land-based fitness session in the early evening; not untypical to do that every day some weeks. I lived about 15 miles from the boat club so I did rack up the miles, but I didn't care as I wanted to do it. I agree that it's not hugely compatible with family life though.

CypressGrove · 09/04/2026 12:13

Surfing (and the beach isn't close)?

LycheeFizz1972 · 09/04/2026 12:13

You’re married
You share a home and a life together
You share children and a family life

….but you don’t want him to use your car because of the mileage?

I have never heard anything so bizarre in my life.

We bought a really expensive mattress for my back, but DH sleeps longer than I do, so maybe I should ask him to sleep on the floor occasionally so he doesn’t it wear it out sooner?

Dragracer · 09/04/2026 12:12

When I did a martial art I'd train morning and night most days and it was about 40 miles away as thats just where my trainers gym was.

randomchap · 09/04/2026 12:12

If the situation was reversed, would he let you use his car? You're partners, isn't this one of the times you support your partner?

Zov · 09/04/2026 12:12

Picklesandfrickles · 09/04/2026 12:08

I reckon its a horse - would need you to go am and pm

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20 miles away though? Anecdotal, but I know loads of people with horses (I live rurally in a little village,) and every single one has their horses within 2-3 miles of their house. Most are within a mile. A few have them on their own land.

And if it was a horse/horses, why can the OP not go with him? (I am wondering if he has a secret family now.) 👀

canyon2000 · 09/04/2026 12:11

I reckon he's a lock keeper. Someone opens the lock near us in the morning and afternoon every day.

WeirdyBeardyMarrowBabyLady · 09/04/2026 12:10

Fishing

Firesidechatter · 09/04/2026 12:10

God that’s a lot. 80 miles a day for a hobby. Twice a day? It must take hours and hours out of his day, Can I ask what it is?

Dragracer · 09/04/2026 12:09

Adding 2000 miles onto someone else's car is really alot. I think my car is insured for 6000 so he's be using a third of my yearly mileage.

How does it work financially? Do you both contribute to vehicle MOTs, repairs, tyres etc from a joint pot or is that purely your responsibility?

Heronwatcher · 09/04/2026 12:09

This all sounds ridiculous.

Over the lifetime of a car this will make not a jot of difference. But if it worries you maybe you could use his car for some of your journeys when it’s back to redress the balance.

If in fact the issue is that you just resent the hobby then be honest about it! Don’t blame the car mileage.

Elanol · 09/04/2026 12:08

PsychoHotSauce · 09/04/2026 11:35

500 miles a week. Apparently. I'm struggling to work out what kind of hobby would need attendance twice a day, every day though.

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A horse to look after in stables?
A sunrise / sunset photographer? I've no idea why this would be needed daily or needed at all really 😂
Something at low tide?
He volunteers to switch the light on and off in a lighthouse?

OP probably won't tell us, so anything is possible with no clues 😁

Zov · 09/04/2026 12:08

Shinyandnew1 · 09/04/2026 12:07

Isn’t the point of cycling that you spend the time cycling instead of driving?

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I was joking, because secret hobbies on MN often turn out to be cycling. Grin

Picklesandfrickles · 09/04/2026 12:08

PsychoHotSauce · 09/04/2026 11:35

500 miles a week. Apparently. I'm struggling to work out what kind of hobby would need attendance twice a day, every day though.

Show quote history

I reckon its a horse - would need you to go am and pm

KittyStanton · 09/04/2026 12:08

It must be horses. Someone at our yard lives about 15 miles away and it always blows my mind what a hassle it must be!

Redaska · 09/04/2026 12:07

MileageWoes · 09/04/2026 11:48

To answer some questions, he's not a roadie Grin but that made me smile. We usually have two cars, mine is a much smaller/cheaper car and although he doesn't need his car for work we use it to go places as a family or on longer journeys because it's much bigger and more comfortable and mine would struggle to pull the skin off a rice pudding so overtaking on a motorway is a nightmare It's not on a PCP or anything but it's old now and I'd like to try keep it in good nick so I don't have to replace it anytime soon and I feel like this much extra use isn't going to help that. But maybe I am being unreasonable. The hobby is a thorny one for me, yes it gives him great joy but he is up very (very!) early which wakes me (he's back home in time to start work) and I hardly see him in the evenings. DC are older teens so not an issue with them really, more just me.

Given your update about it being an older car and you wanting to keep it in working order as long as possible, I understand your issues with him putting £2000 extra miles on it.

I think you are reasonable to ask him to go less often (in general not just this month!) but he doesn't seem to listen to that, which is a shame but you can't force him.

Zov · 09/04/2026 12:07

I agree too that it's bloody annoying when a poster posts on here about their DH's hobby and refuses to say what it is. 🙄