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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU / Ridiculous re putting extra mileage on my car

339 replies

MileageWoes · 09/04/2026 11:28

DH works from home, I work full time in the office. He is having major car trouble and will be without a car for the next few weeks. Obviously he doesn't need a car for work but he has a hobby that he travels to so is using my car morning and evening to do this. It's a 40 mile round trip, twice a day so means that he's putting over 500 miles extra on my car every week! I think he should cut back to once a day until he gets his own car back and he thinks I am being very unreasonable as it will only be for 3/4 weeks.

I WILL NOT BE DISCLOSING WHAT THE HOBBY IS! (I don't want to out myself and it's really really not relevant to my question)

OP posts:
PixelDreamer · 09/04/2026 12:35

newbiebucky · 09/04/2026 12:30

Im also confused about how someone who works has time for a hobby that requires them to do two 40mile round trips twice a day every day!

I don't do this every day, but it's around 3 hours of my day if I do. (40 mins driving/50 mins hobby). If you don't have a commute and get up early it's easy enough. E.g. I leave at 7, can be back and start work at 8.45, then finish at 5 and be out and back before 7.

Rachelshair · 09/04/2026 12:34

What if you want to go out in the evening? He should pay towards new tyres and brake pads when they are due, that's a lot of extra mileage so they will need replacing sooner. If you look after your car it shouldn't damage it being driven more though, if it's 2k miles or so extra. Long drives can be better than short trips.
Driving 80 miles a day for a hobby is mad though. And you say you hardly see him. He is clearly prioritising that over your relationship which would be more of an issue for me than the car use.

Trickedbyadoughnut · 09/04/2026 12:33

Like you, I always have older cars and it is something I would worry about - so might just be us older car owners!

I think to answer for definite, I'd have to know more context - are your finances joint or will it be your money when you have to replace the car? And does he need to be doing so much of the hobby right now, i.e., he's about to compete on a national team so can't miss training or is it just because he prefers to go that often?

It's only me and DH but if either of us were spending that much time out of the house doing a hobby, we'd be having a serious conservation (and I do have horses 😆). But that's a separate issue from the car really.

Isobel201 · 09/04/2026 12:33

PsychoHotSauce · 09/04/2026 11:35

500 miles a week. Apparently. I'm struggling to work out what kind of hobby would need attendance twice a day, every day though.

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edited, just seen your reply. He would be better hiring his own car or paying fuel costs at least towards yours.

hahabahbag · 09/04/2026 12:32

Whilst I wouldn’t be happy either, remember 20 miles each way is not necessarily a long distance if you live more rurally - I work 9 miles away and it takes 12-15 minutes, quite different to cities.

WhatWouldDianeLockhartDo · 09/04/2026 12:32

Applecup · 09/04/2026 12:30

My car is insured for 10,000 miles a year. Any more then it costs more. 2000 is a fifth of that. So yes, it would annoy me.

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That’s all estimated. You don’t need to call them and adjust unless you go over significantly.

CypressGrove · 09/04/2026 12:31

How are hobbies outing? If it's actually a hobby he won't be the only person with that hobby will he? So is it instead some sort of weird fetish that he pretends is a hobby and your friends and family know about it?

newbiebucky · 09/04/2026 12:30

Im also confused about how someone who works has time for a hobby that requires them to do two 40mile round trips twice a day every day!

Applecup · 09/04/2026 12:30

MileageWoes · 09/04/2026 12:17

Yes, I think this is the case. I'm not asking if I'm unreasonable about the hobby so I accept that IABU about the mileage and I shouldn't conflate the two.

Thanks everyone for giving my head a wobble!

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My car is insured for 10,000 miles a year. Any more then it costs more. 2000 is a fifth of that. So yes, it would annoy me.

marmite123456 · 09/04/2026 12:29

Can't be a gym.They are almost all 24 hours now.
Fishing at a certain spot at dawn and dusk?
Photography the same.
Surfing, but you must live a long way from the beach which would be weird for someone so into surfing?
Geocaching
Spelunking
Other partner?

Acheyelbows · 09/04/2026 12:27

Also how long has he been doing the hobby and will he miss out that much by only going once or twice a week.

What a lovely break you could have from being woken at 5am! Maybe he needs to be more considerate of your sleep overall.

Zov · 09/04/2026 12:26

MileageWoes · 09/04/2026 12:18

It's not horses nor is it anything that I am remotely interested in can't think of one thing that would get me out of bed at 5am so I would never go with him

WE NEED TO KNOW WHAT IT IS! I am bored and nosey! Blush

Seeline · 09/04/2026 12:26

I have limited milage on my insurance so an extra 2000 miles would make a huge difference.

How long is he out of the house for? I'd be concerned about not having access to my car every evening - shopping, ferrying kids, hobbies, visiting parents etc.

Acheyelbows · 09/04/2026 12:24

Does he have the funds to hire a car? I would be wary about an old car suddenly doing 500 extra miles a week and if he is late one day will you then be late for work.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 09/04/2026 12:23

Would not even cross my mind tbh.

WhatWouldDianeLockhartDo · 09/04/2026 12:23

MileageWoes · 09/04/2026 12:18

It's not horses nor is it anything that I am remotely interested in can't think of one thing that would get me out of bed at 5am so I would never go with him

would/could you go with him for the evening stint?

WhatWouldDianeLockhartDo · 09/04/2026 12:22

MileageWoes · 09/04/2026 11:48

To answer some questions, he's not a roadie Grin but that made me smile. We usually have two cars, mine is a much smaller/cheaper car and although he doesn't need his car for work we use it to go places as a family or on longer journeys because it's much bigger and more comfortable and mine would struggle to pull the skin off a rice pudding so overtaking on a motorway is a nightmare It's not on a PCP or anything but it's old now and I'd like to try keep it in good nick so I don't have to replace it anytime soon and I feel like this much extra use isn't going to help that. But maybe I am being unreasonable. The hobby is a thorny one for me, yes it gives him great joy but he is up very (very!) early which wakes me (he's back home in time to start work) and I hardly see him in the evenings. DC are older teens so not an issue with them really, more just me.

No one needs that much joy that they avoid any time doing anything else apart from working to pay for the hobby. Do you get chance for joy? It’s not for me to say but do you feel valued or like he just pops in every so often? A woman just wouldn’t do this!

RollOnSunshine · 09/04/2026 12:21

toomuchfaff · 09/04/2026 11:32

You're begrudging your DH use of the car for a hobby they enjoy because its resulting in 500 annual miles.

That seems ridiculous to me. What is wrong with your marriage that 500 miles on the car is a breaking point?

She said a week not year!

Picklesandfrickles · 09/04/2026 12:20

Zov · 09/04/2026 12:17

Fair enough @Picklesandfrickles 😘

Still, if it is a horse/horses, I can't understand why the OP doesn't go with him - sometimes at least. I have no horses, and never have had, but I do love them.

.

Edited

😂 im sure OP probably can go with him.

But if it is horses OP probably has a strong hatred of horses And actively avoids engagement… like every long suffering partner of a horse person.

Time
Money
Relentlessness
Being there come rain, snow or shine

My DH would quite happily never see a horse again for the above reasons 😂

Original poster
MileageWoes · 09/04/2026 12:18

It's not horses nor is it anything that I am remotely interested in can't think of one thing that would get me out of bed at 5am so I would never go with him

OP posts:
StrawberrySquash · 09/04/2026 12:18

PsychoHotSauce · 09/04/2026 11:35

500 miles a week. Apparently. I'm struggling to work out what kind of hobby would need attendance twice a day, every day though.

Show quote history

Secret love child and he does the school run.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 09/04/2026 12:18

I do often wonder what are all these men’s hobbies that are so ‘outing’.

I do dislike the ‘h’ word BTW, it always sounds so nerdy.

Zov · 09/04/2026 12:17

Fair enough @Picklesandfrickles 😘

Still, if it is a horse/horses, I can't understand why the OP doesn't go with him - sometimes at least. I have no horses, and never have had, but I do love them.

.

Original poster
MileageWoes · 09/04/2026 12:17

WorstPaceScenario · 09/04/2026 12:14

I think the fact that you're (by your own admission) "thorny" about this hobby is colouring your judgement here. It's hard to know if YABU about the bobby in general without more context, but YABU about the mileage on the car.

Yes, I think this is the case. I'm not asking if I'm unreasonable about the hobby so I accept that IABU about the mileage and I shouldn't conflate the two.

Thanks everyone for giving my head a wobble!

OP posts:
Zov · 09/04/2026 12:16

Ah ha cross post sorry @Firesidechatter