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Original poster

Cousin had stopped speaking to me after potentially being outed as gay?

71 replies

concernedlass · 09/04/2026 10:22

Me and my cousin are quite close, we have always been there for each other and our parents are extremely close as well.

Over the bank holiday weekend I had heard through the grapevine that he had been sleeping with and old school friend.

Everyone in our town has been gossiping about it.

I text my cousin asking him if he was OK and then relayed to him what I had heard.

He was quite abrupt in his reply which was "I am not interested in these silly things" and then stopped texting me back.

I do remember many years ago as a teen that he had confided in me about kissing another boy etc but I just thought he was messing around.

He hasn't been online since then (WhatsApp).

I am a bit worried about him and just want to support him.

OP posts:
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TheOccupier · 12/04/2026 11:28

Telling someone that everyone is gossiping about their sex life isn't "checking in", it's pointlessly upsetting. What did you hope to achieve by doing that?

Isittimeformynapyet · 12/04/2026 11:20

This reply has been deleted

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curlyfriess · 12/04/2026 11:13

Did you make it completely clear to him that you couldn't care less whether he's gay or not and that you love him whatever? I'm not really getting that impression.

No doubt he's absolutely terrified of his mum finding out. Poor bloke I can't imagine how hard it much be for him with a homophobic mum.

x2boys · 12/04/2026 10:26

TheSlantedOwl · 09/04/2026 11:13

Lots of posters contributing dismissively but homophobia still exists, family members can still be bigoted and reject and condemn their kids.

Not whole towns though.

x2boys · 12/04/2026 10:23

concernedlass · 09/04/2026 10:27

We live in a small town and his mum (my aunt) is very homophobic and it wouldn't sit well with her at all.

Well she will jusr have to deal with it, its 2026 ,Somebody beibg gay shouldnt be a big deal nor should they have to hide it.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 12/04/2026 10:14

I’d be willing to contribute to a crowd funder for his train ticket.

Twoshoesnewshoes · 12/04/2026 10:14

Poor bloke
this is such a sad scenario
he must be middle aged now?
can he move to, idk, Manchester, and start living his life?

HotGazpacho · 12/04/2026 10:09

Isittimeformynapyet · 11/04/2026 22:40

Well, nor can you, tbf.

Show quote history

Not sure what damage I’m causing by calling OP out on her blatant homophobia. 🤷🏻‍♀️

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 11/04/2026 23:15

Dragging up a conversation you had 30 years ago (when you were teenagers) means that you're both middle-aged now.

He must have had relationships before now! In thirty years!

BlueMum16 · 11/04/2026 22:50

concernedlass · 11/04/2026 19:14

Update.
I saw him earlier this morning and he insisted that he was not gay.
He said it was all just none sense etc.

I asked him about what he had told me when we were teens and he said he was experimenting and that was that.

He thanked me for my concern.

I'm not sure why you'd bring up the conversation of his sexuality when he clearly doesn't want to discuss it .

Why are you dragging up teenage conversations?

Love him.

Be a friend.

Leave him be.

Sharptonguedwoman · 11/04/2026 22:42

BillieWiper · 09/04/2026 10:28

Yeah why is it such a massive scandal that everyone is gossiping about it. Has there never been a gay or a lesbian in your town before?!

Is he the only gay in the village? This has to be a ridiculous post.

Isittimeformynapyet · 11/04/2026 22:40

HotGazpacho · 11/04/2026 22:11

Amazing you can’t see the damage you’ve caused with your faux concern.

Show quote history

Well, nor can you, tbf.

SimonWigglesBaratoneVoice · 11/04/2026 22:24

concernedlass · 11/04/2026 19:14

Update.
I saw him earlier this morning and he insisted that he was not gay.
He said it was all just none sense etc.

I asked him about what he had told me when we were teens and he said he was experimenting and that was that.

He thanked me for my concern.

I imagine he will be blocking you right about now.

Can't believe you questioned him again when he clearly doesn't want to talk about it.

HotGazpacho · 11/04/2026 22:11

concernedlass · 11/04/2026 19:14

Update.
I saw him earlier this morning and he insisted that he was not gay.
He said it was all just none sense etc.

I asked him about what he had told me when we were teens and he said he was experimenting and that was that.

He thanked me for my concern.

Amazing you can’t see the damage you’ve caused with your faux concern.

Original poster
concernedlass · 11/04/2026 19:14

Update.
I saw him earlier this morning and he insisted that he was not gay.
He said it was all just none sense etc.

I asked him about what he had told me when we were teens and he said he was experimenting and that was that.

He thanked me for my concern.

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/04/2026 23:28

HotGazpacho · 10/04/2026 23:24

No wonder he’s depressed with family like you lot.

Grin
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/04/2026 23:28

So he's 46?
Surely he's worked out if he's gay by now?

HotGazpacho · 10/04/2026 23:24

No wonder he’s depressed with family like you lot.

Isittimeformynapyet · 10/04/2026 23:19

MissMoneyFairy · 09/04/2026 14:19

My only response to the grapevine would have been, so what, it's none of your business. Why bother your brother with this petty minded shite.

COUSIN!

Isittimeformynapyet · 10/04/2026 23:17

Missey85 · 09/04/2026 11:34

Op was fishing for more gossip on the pretence of caring about her brother she's as bad as the rest of them

Show quote history

It's her COUSIN!

I swear this place is getting worse.

CatJump · 10/04/2026 23:08

It probably would have been better to phrase it as "i heard you were dating ---, not sure if its true as you havent mentioned it but itd be lovely to all go for a meal some time if you are, I havent seen him in years' rather than making it sound like some scandal.

ILoveFatFaceSocks · 10/04/2026 23:03

I thought my cousin was gay and said nothing. I let him tell me in his own time. People said nasty things before he came out and I would put them straight and told them it was none of their business and what they were saying was wrong (not about him being gay, they were being homophobic).
It sounded like you contacted him to be like "omg ive just heard xyz". If so, that was wrong and being part of the gossip.

Pessismistic · 10/04/2026 22:56

Op this is a sad situation for him he can’t come out because of his mum and the gossiping is going on if she heard it would she believe it. Would he be best telling her before she hears it on the grapevine. I would send him another message I’m sorry you are being talked about but I thought it’s best you knew so you’re aware. Cuz it doesn’t matter to me I just want you to be happy please let’s catch up properly no judgement here.

BIWI · 10/04/2026 21:56

Don't worry @howrudeforme - the OP isn't genuine coming back.

howrudeforme · 10/04/2026 21:53

Bloody hell.

mnetters think they know everything, plenty places and cultures are homophobic🙄basic still but loads on here live in tiny bubbles.

i have a cousin who is gay (I think - this was told to me by another cousin). I kept it to myself for years.

hes in early 50’s and he’s never had a relationship and v ill with alcoholism, not working, lost his property and now living with his mum. She’s now very depressed and and calling my mum about his abusive behaviour. I haven’t told my mum as she’ll tell everyone and it would be appalling for him and his mum (she of course knows but not something she’d talk about).

op - tread carefully. I know others like him. Don’t push him. Create spaces for him to talk if he wishes.

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