AIBU to expect my husband to buy lubricant for sex?

DD - yes, but not parents. They are all adults?

But I guess some people are more conservative than others.

I agree with this. He won’t get snipped and he won’t even buy the lube? He is really a selfish lover.

Bu also, first - him having sex with you knowing you will end up hurt and bleeding and second - you chafe, have thrush and even bleed - is it you not being ready, or him being very rough? Or both? Its not supposed to be this way.

It sounds very unpleasant OP. fwiw I know my DH wouldnt be comfortable buying it so I wouldn't ask him. I'd go online & even use AI to find out it there are natural lubricants you can buy that are suitable for purpose & not involving specific sexual lubricants. Someone mentioned 🥥 oil although there may be other things people use 🤷‍♀️

It’s fairly normal to want to keep your sex live private, especially with close relatives? My DD uses my Prime so I don’t buy anything sex related there.

@Orangeducks refuse sex and see how long it takes him to grow up

He’d probably just buy lube himself to avoid his own suffering rather than making a point about it.

So what, so his mum knows you have sex? What are you, 15?

His lack of care for you is horrible OP. No wonder you're fed up.
Re. the practical stuff (if you resolve the emotional stuff and actually feel like having sex with him again) I also think topical oestrogen might help. I have the cervical evasion too and don't bleed - it really helps - and it's essential postmenopause for many women anyway. Pure coconut oil is a nice lubricant, and nobody needs to know that you're not cooking with it. And yes he really needs to be treated for thrush too - he can take the same tablet - or you'll just be reinfecting one another.

You are both being unreasonable.

He should absolutely make the effort to make your sex life enjoyable and comfortable. He is being unreasonable to expect you to have sex in discomfort and sulk.

You are being unreasonable as your stance is weird and disproportionate. Takes 2 mins to order online and nobody would notice or care if you bought some with your grocery shop.

one of you needs to just do a bulk order - we gets 3 or 4 bottles from Ann summers at a time and it lasts months. https://www.annsummers.com/sex-essentials/sex-essentials-lubes/silky-waterbased-lube-250ml/2008118NO_SIZE.html

Absolutely would recommend vaginal estradiol- changed my life.I used to experience the same symptoms as you and started using oestrogen and it has been so effective.

This. Can't imagine my DH even dreaming of wanting to have sex that would cause me pain and make me bleed. Especially if one minute's thought and a few quid would make the issue go away.

Your DH is a selfish arsehole. Have you asked him directly why he's happy to have sex that's painful to you and makes you bleed? If you were guaranteed a great time and he'd end up with a sore, bleeding knob if you didn't buy lube (and you were too lazy to) - how keen would he be to get it on?

No lube, no sex.

Him sulking when you refuse sex because you don't want to chafe and bleed (AGAIN!) is absolutely shocking.

Sulking when a partner doesn't want sex is never acceptable, but sulking when a partner doesn't want sex for a medical reason when she has already given into you and had sex more than once when her medical needs are not being met and you could easily have alleviated her discomfort by buying some lube in your oodles of free time is... just awful.

I agree he seems to want to abdicate all responsibility to you regarding your joint sex life and just wants to rock up and have fun. He's immature and inconsiderate. Bleurgh. Does he accept your diagnosis even?

YANBU. and YWNBU to say no to having sex with him again until he's bothered buying some lube (as a bare minimum).

Why are things like this always the women's responsibility?

You are just creating hugely irrational and unnecessary drama around this.
If this how your relationship operates it’s not a healthy dynamic anyway and lube is the least of your problems.

I'm now retired, but did a bit of supply until last year. For a couple of weeks I covered some classes in a school where I'd taught as a young woman. A church that I attend is in the area.

There's a Co-op right opposite, so after a service I nipped in for a few things. I was followed round the aisles by a couple of girls...

30 minutes foreplay if he doesnt want to buy the lube ... or zero sex.

Sounds transactional at this point.

Ffs people it’s not about the lube. Read the updates. I hear you OP - it’s the least he can do. No sex until he does.

erm, Amazon…

They sell this stuff on Amazon, just buy a bottle and get it delivered in Amazon packaging? You could even do it as a subscription so it's automatically re-delivered and you never run out.

I'll add that the best response I ever heard to a pupil's fascination with a teacher's private life was in my first year of teaching. (1984.)

Three of us probationers started at the same time. A third year girl called out to one of the P.E. probationers: "Mr X, A ken your first name!"

"Big deal, Tracey - I know yours!"

I work in a school and wouldn't have an issue buying lube/condoms/sanitary products. If buying lube in person isn't something you feel comfortable doing, then order it from Amazon.

I definitely wouldn't be having sex without using it. It's you that suffers, not your husband.

I'm not reading through all the responses but for those who think that the OP is worrying too much about pupil reactions, if you work in secondary and live in or near your catchment my experience is that children (bizarre though it may seem) do gossip at school about seeing teachers out and about doing normal things.

It's best to just act unfazed, but I agree with those who have suggested buying online. However, the OP is not being unreasonable in expecting her husband to buy it.

Nevertheless, I'd say that the OP needs to see her GP or Practice Nurse. At the very least, it sounds as though she needs checked to see whether she requires local oestrogen.

I agree with you OP, its not the practical matter of buying lube, its the 'he had one job' but because it doesn't affect him, he doesn't bother. I would not have sex with him until he purchased it personally. If he carries on being a sulky child over it I'd be tempted to tell him I'm coming off the pill and taking no more responsibility for contraception as it has been my job for years so it is condoms (and lube) all the way from now on. Most men don't like them so some negative consequences would be what he deserves (note I probably would not actually do this to avoid blowing it all out of proportion as I want a happy married life but I would be tempted if continued to be unreasonable)